Farewell

Goodbye cruel world!!!!!!!

::hand to forehead::

just kiddin!!! but not really.... i'm not offing myself... im offing this blog..... ok.... let me start over...

Well friends, it looks like this is going to be my last post on this blog. I've decided to change some things... to make some positive changes. I touched on a lot last week how I want to just be engaged with and to myself, how I really want to focus on me in the now. This blog has been such a great learning experience and has really given me the time to get over past loves, and heartache. It's given me the time to learn from my mistakes, it's really given me the time to learn from my past as well as being okay with moving forward.

I'd like to thank you all for being a part of my life, reading, commenting, being a character in my stories. To the men I've been with this past year, thank you for putting up with me...haha.. I'm not saying I was an all the time pain in the ass, but I know I was insane pushy with the whole "needing to be in a relationship," needing a man, needing someone... somebody!!! ANYBODY!!! haha So, thank you Mr. High School for being patient with me when I couldn't be patient enough with you, thank you Mr. Hands for understanding. Thank you Mr. Nerdgasm and Mr. Teeth for inspiring and motivating me with our failed dates to get me starting this blog!

This year I definitely struggled with needing to be in a relationship and trying too hard. I think I tried so hard that I really lost myself... hence the engagement. So, while this is all so sad and heartbreaking, there is so much positivity to look forward too! I'm really very excited!!

I wrote this first half of the blog at the beginning of this week... and now, trying to finish it up, its quite sweet and sour, I have mixed feelings. There are days when I really am so very excited about this new move in really focusing on me and my own self-worth, in understanding that I really am enough. Then there are times when I think this is too hard and am not really sure I can conquer this. So much is going through my head right now. In any case, I am excited to transform myself this year and I am excited to see what this coming new year has in store for me.

I've, for the most part, been able to let go of past loves and ideas and expectations I had. I'm 95% there and I'm hoping I can jump start this year with a full 100%! I've really learned to just let go of this idea of needing someone to make me happy, I understand, and I've always known, that I need to make me happy. I feel like this will be a hard hard struggle. I have to 100% rely on only me. It scares the shit out of me.

This is sweet and sour for me, I'm torn... maybe it's cause I'm having a rough day....

Anyways, I did start a new blog to track this transition, it's not 100% legit yet, but I have only a few post up. I've decided to explore the realm of tumblr. While blogger has been a great site for this blog, I figured I'd try something new. So, if you want to follow me, my new site is Miz Engaged.

See you all on the flip-side!

live, laugh love
<3
neo

Miss Engaged

Engaged.... to be engaged... what does it mean? It basically has 2 main meanings.

1. proposed to and on the pretty little road to marriage
2. busy, occupied, unavailable, involved

So, I have a little secret to share with you all!! I'm engaged!!!! In both senses of the word.... let me explain. So, remember that post I wrote a while back about me being in love, with myself but not like self centered love, but in love with life. Obviously there were some bumps down that road, it's been rough and easy and rough and easy, but when I come out strong, I'm strong.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before.... probably about a thousand times... how my plan since high school was to get married by the time I turn 30 and then start planning on having kids. If I can't find someone to marry, why not pull a Sue Sylvester (from Glee) and marry myself!? Yep! That's right! You heard it first!! Well, not really, I've told others of this revelation. Anyways, it's my birthday in a little under a month and I'm proposing to myself on this 29th year of my life, my last year in the 20's I'm gonna do me and prepare for my own "wedding" when I turn 30. This will be the marriage that will make me most happiest, and feel the most safest... it will be a long lasting one, no divorce in the future, plus! no need to write a prenup :)

I hope to stick to this and really make everyday a me-day and focus on me in the now, not in the past or in the future, in the now. This is the part when I use the 2nd meaning of engage and really engage myself in myself. At least I hope I can do it everday... remember that post I wrote where I took track of things that made me happy everyday? Maybe if I tried that with this doing me, it'll get me in the motion of doin me and bein me and empowering myself. 

Anyways, let's see if I can do this! 

Wish me luck

<3

Mr. Distraction and the Rut Wall

Preface

I write this to illustrate that in some relationships there are ruts and that it's important to stay on track and work on it.  That, distractions will come and go but the relationship and the person you're with will still be there and is worth so much more and means so much more than what Mr./Mrs. Distraction can offer.

I was in a situation once, with a certain Mr. Distraction, it didn't end so well.. but don't start making assumptions because it's not what you think.... and i shouldn't make assumptions that you're thinking what I think you're thinking..... oy! in short.... lets not make any assumptions. I was young, I was in a 3 yr relationship, I was living with my boyfriend and we kind of hit a wall.

The wall? The relationship rut wall.

Mr. Distraction and the Rut Wall

Once upon a time there was a girl Ms.Yearning, a boy Mr. BoyFriend (BF) and an evil Mr. Distraction. Ms. Yearning and Mr. BF recently moved to a big city and were excited about this new chapter in their lives. Mr. BF started grad school and Ms. Yearning was taking a few classes at the community college and working full time at a fast food sausage factory  joint (for real, I can show you the brochure, there is a wonderful pic  of Ms. Yearning in there of her helping a customer :) ).

Ms. Yearning and Mr. BF were so busy with their individual responsibilities and struggling to get by that they forgot to take care of their love once in a while. They hit the Relationship Rut Wall.... not quite like the one Humpty Dumpty fell off of but you can use that as imagery.

Back at the sausage factory, Ms. Yearning was the shift manager so she was there a lot. Most days she would go to school in the mornings and head right over to the sausage factory at night. By the time she got home it was 11pm. She became close with her co-workers.... especially close to Mr. Distraction. Ms. Yearning and Mr. Distraction were close in that they opened up to each other and talked about everything and anything, and Ms. Yearning would give him books to read to open up his world even more. Mr. Distraction was a latin man, a latin man with hot moves and words and a lot of heat.... of course he'd be titled Mr. Distraction!!!!! Come to think of it Ms. Yearning was probably Ms. Distraction to him because he lived with his mom, his baby, and his baby's mama. 

All 3 of them sat high up on the relationship rut wall.


Ms. Yearning fell for every hot word, syllable, smile, laugh, touch Mr. Distraction delivered. He would tell her sweet nothings, and they created this little fantasy world, Ms. Yearning tried to fight it with all her might.

Back at home, Mr. BF  could sense something was up. Ms. Yearning was literally yearning for the love that she needed. The kind of love that Mr. BF wasn't able to give her,  Mr. Distraction was. It was natural the direction she'd steer towards. We are going to give Mr. BF some credit, because he went out of his way to have drinks with Ms. Yearning, Mr. Distraction and their other coworkers.


One night Ms. Yearning closed with Mr. Distraction.  She was in the office finishing crunching numbers and was just finishing up when Mr. Distraction came in. They chatted while she finished. She got up to leave and Mr. Distraction stood in the doorway, he wouldn't let her leave until she gave him a kiss. He was persistent! She gave him a quick peck.... a quick quick quick peck...... he stepped aside and she went back to closing up shop.

(ok this is getting long...)

One day Ms. Yearning came into work to find that the place had been robbed! eeep! No one knew who did it yet, but the place had surveillance cameras so it was sure that they'd get down to it. Two days later Ms. Yearning and Mr. Distraction met up for coffee before work, he had just gone shopping for some new clothes and was telling Ms. Yearning about this new cd player he got himself (yes, this is the direction it's going.). After coffee Mr. Distraction and Ms. Yearning go to work, just before going in they decided to have a cigarette right out front. Two men in trench coats came up to them and asked Mr. Distraction his name. He told them his name, they quickly took him to the side, told him his rights while they placed hand cuffs on him, put him in the car and drove away.

Ms. Yearning stood there in shock while she saw the owner and his son smiling and laughing. She went to the nearest park, sat at a bench and cried, no... she sobbed.   

This was the end of Mr. Distraction. This marked the end of Ms. Yearning. This  aided in the sealing of the book of Mr. BF and Ms. Yearning.

The Moral of the Story

Well.... after Mr. Distraction got locked up Ms. Yearning and Mr. BF had many discussions about their relationship. This whole situation put things into perspective for Ms. Yearning. While Mr. Distraction wasn't the best thing to come around she learned a lot. She learned what it was that she needed in a relationship, what she needed to be happy. She also learned that it was more important to put her relationship first, to work on that relationship and come to a common ground together rather than getting to some conclusion on her own in a way that hurt Mr. BF. Mr. BF was her love for 3 years, he deserved more respect.

So, while distractions are the devil, they also are learning experiences in disguise. Luckily for Ms. Yearning this distraction ended in a way that was blunt and easier to move from because at the time it probably would've taken her longer to realize these things.  Not sure if this is really a moral but really, just don't forget who you are, what you deserve, don't forget about the people you love, and try and catch yourself in the pre-storm of distraction before it destroys your home. Deep down inside, i know we all know when the distraction storm is about to hit.

Sidenote

On a quick, personal, and probably not that important note, Ms. Yearning had coffee with the sausage factory owners son  shortly after to go over what happened. He explained how the robber entered with a key through the front door and how they could tell that the robber was Mr. Distractions height... and it was obvious with all the new things he was buying that he had come into some money. The son told Ms. Yearning that he thinks Mr. Distraction robbed the place for her. The son and Mr. Distraction once had a conversation and Mr. Distraction mentioned how you had to be someone with money to be with Ms. Yearning, to give her all that she wants.

<3