Tick Tock

Seriously, my biological clock could not be ticking any faster after the week I just had! One would think that spending a week with a 16month old would be a perfect form of birth control (as an aside can I just share something funny? when I went to type birth for some reason my fingers typed in bitch, lol-ing.). I was in New Foundland visiting friends of mine from CA. They have a 16month old baby, the cutest thing I ever did see!! I want one now, real bad! But! We do know, that 35 is my new 30 so I have to keep reminding myself that. There is no way I can support a baby, shit I cant even support my own damn self, financially, emotionally, oy oy oy!

So, I guess we gotta put that idea on the back burner. But ugh, I really want one! Let's move on to the next topic of info. Get this, I'm going to a wedding today! A family friend is getting married. I'm super excited for her! I'm looking forward to this joyous occasion and I'm also a little hesitant, for several reasons:

1. I just spent a week with a baby and now I'm gonna go to a wedding, my clock is probably steaming right now the second hand is just going in fast fast fast circles and the whole thing is about to spontaneously combust! Almost like drunk Roger Rabbit.



2. So, she's a family friend we basically have seen ourselves grow up. She's just a tad younger than I am. My whole life that I've known her, my father compared me to her. Growing up I felt a bit of animosity towards her because I never felt good enough. I put those feelings aside and she really is an awesome gal, I'm completely 100% happy for her. What I'm not looking forward to is the possibility of someone telling me that I need to get married.

I got back yesterday from New Foundland, sat down with my brother and father and was recounting my time spent away. I mentioned that my biological clock got to ticking faster after spending a week with a baby. My dad didn't really understand the concept of the biological clock. I explained it to him, I said "well, when most women near the age of 30 and they're not married or have kids yet , their clock starts ticking, they need to get these things done." Thus leading my father to giving me a lecture that men don't fall from the sky and that I can't sit around and wait for him to come. Then it escalated to a big ass argument.  I hate it, I HATE it!!! HATE IT!!!! When my father tells me things he thinks I don't already know! And when he pushes the wrong buttons. It's almost as if in every juncture of my life when I need positive support I get shoved a pile of shit down my throat.

Another thing that's super changed is I don't know whats going on, but every time a week before I get my lovely period my head goes in psycho mode!!!!! It's never really done it before, or maybe I've never realized... but these past couple of months I just turn into a freakin psycho lady! It really does not aide in the whole clock ticking process either! I feel like my clock ticks faster a week before my period because I start to freak about ridiculous things!!! But maybe they're not ridiculous, maybe they are things that I should freak about? Who knows! It's annoying me and I'm sure annoying others as well... thanks for sticking through with me!

 --------------

So it's 2 days after I started writing this post, and..wel... I ended up not going to the wedding! I went shopping found a wonderful dress for the event, got home, took a nap and that was it. I started feeling sick in the morning but I was pushing through it. After the nap I was done. So, I've been bed ridden for about 2 days now! yikes!! 

Can I just say... this is something I've always hated. Being sick while living alone. It's like the worst thing ever. My friends offered to get stuff for me which is super nice, and my very insisting father brought over 8 cans of soup and veggies and Feta cheese. My fav food to eat when sick is toast with feta. mmm mmm mmm! But yes, I hate being sick and living alone, its the neediness in me. Maybe I'm just a really really really annoyingly needy person!!!

You know how you go about your days not really knowing how others percieve you? I would love for ya'll to tell me how you perceive me... tell me I'm a needy pain in the ass, I'll take it.

At this point, my post has gone in so many different directions.... yawn.....  I think I'll stop now...

enjoy?

<3