Distant faces

So, I recently realized that distance has always been a main thing in my life. It's really interesting that I just realized this.

I was born in a little town outside of Chicago, IL to immigrant parents. I was my parents second child, but first American born child! BAM! Right then and there was when distance was introduced to me in my life, on that lovely morning of January 7th 1983. My fathers family lives in France and my mothers family lives in Israel, that is how distance was introduced to me.

Growing up I got to see my grandparents and relatives maybe once a year, or every other year. My parents told me that my grandparents loved when we would come visit because we actually cherished the time spent with them and didn't take them for granted. Over here on state side, I held onto my friends grandparents, I wanted that, I wanted to grow up with my grandparents and cousins and uncles and aunts. Now when I go visit the family, while we all love each other and what not, I sense the distance, I know it, I feel it. I always think that I'd be able to be closer with everyone in the family if we did live in the same country/city.

So, that's how distance was introduced to me in my life....now realizing, as I got older, distance continued to play a role and moved into my love life as well.

My first serious relationship I was in was 3 yrs long, my first love, it ended when I moved to CA for school. I wanted to try the long distance thing, but from what I remember he wasn't into the idea. I thought though, that if our love was real and strong then we would be able to work through the distance, heck my best friend did, why can't we?! Yeah, didn't work out. I wanted it to though, I didn't think it was officially over until I came home for winter break... we'll leave that story for another time...

So I moved to CA, I met boys, dated a few, la de da, nothing serious. I met this one boy, he lived an hour away from me. We saw each other every weekend, had nice sleep overs :) It wasn't a serious thing we weren't in a "relationship" per say.... this lasted 3 months then I moved back to the east coast.... but the boy and I are still on good terms and we've talked about it and realized that we should have just done the relationship thing, but at the same time, the timing just wasn't right for us.

When I moved back to the east coast a guy friend drove cross country with me..... thus.... starting.... another romance....he drove cross country with me but flew back home to CA. We did the long distance relationship thing on and off for a year... then I stupidly :) moved back to CA to live with him...... 6months later it ended.

Now.... I'm back on the east coast, as you avid readers may already know, I dealt with the break-up I've been focused on re-building a stable ground for myself and a bunch of other positive shit! I've been back almost a year now, damn the time has gone by so fast its ridiculous!!!

So, all of this distance talk and realization came about with this new boy I've been seeing for.... about a month??? I dunno.  He's wonderful. He lives about an hour away from me. The situation reminds me of the boy in CA that lived an hour away. So, me and current boy have talked about this distance and we are taking it one day at a time... but we are both so frustrated because it's only a fucking hour!!! But it's an annoying hour! 

Distance is fucking frustrating, it's entered and exited my life so many times... I have experience with distance it's been there all my life so yes, I am sort of a pro at it, but I'm kinda sorta done with it. And! Just because it's been there all my life and I'm a pro at it, it doesn't make it okay!!! I'm done with distance creating barriers and challenges and loops and hills and akjdhaksjhdas! I'm done. I just want a nice steady line.... or... a valley... where everyone and everything is stuck between beautiful mountaintops!

Seriously though, first of all why does distance have to create a barrier? We don't have to let it... I mean, many long distance relationships have worked. I started a thread on 20something bloggers about 2010 and 2011 love/relationship reviews and goals and some of the responses I got were interesting. A lot of people wrote about their long distance relationships and how they recently moved in together, or got married or la de da.. this one gal recently moved in with her man.... he lives in UK and she in Australia... so like fuck! Why is it that I have the worst luck with long distance shit?!

Distance has always been a part of my life... but.. because I'm being bitter right now, I'm seeing it as a curse!!!!! hahaha It's horrible I know... I'm just being bitter! If only we lived in a world where we could twitch our noses and nod our heads and appear wherever we want to it would make my life (and others I'm sure) so much simpler and easier.  Or teleportation, or nanoo-nanoo-ing (Mork and Mindy). Of course we'd have to password protect our area because then creeps could just appear anywhere and that wouldn't be cool.

Anyways, I guess it really just has to be a one day at a time thing. No pressure, only love and devotion and honesty and communication and commitment and it's all good to go.....

How do all you long distance people do it?!!?!?! What's the formula?!

<3

What's my deal?

So!

I have a couple confessions to make..... I've spoken with some people about these confessions and some see things the same as I do... some don't... either way.... here are my list of confessions.

1. I hate mullets...men or women sporting mullets doesn't matter what sex...what gender...whatever... I can't stand mullets! Even if you're super hot like Boone on Lost is/was... he was fuckin' fine, but he sported a mini mullet and every time he turned his head and I saw the back of it.... my head turned towards the bucket.

2. I want to hook up with a chick. There ya go, I said it! Not that there's anything wrong with wanting to, it's just been inside of me for too long. While my closest friends know this, I figured I might as well get it out in the open. I'm going to be honest and say that I'm one of those stereotypical straight girls that just wants to experience a nice, hot, hookup with a nice, hot, chick :)

3. Crotches. Whether it be men or women, I have a tendency to stare at them. With women it's more so the case of making sure they don't have a camel toe. I can't stand camel toes, and I do not understand how women (or men) who sport them could stand them either. Seriously people, that shit can not be comfortable! And men, while it's nice to get a heads up as to what the deal is with your package, when you're wearing pants that seriously act as saran wrap or some shit and you can SEE it.. please... do not expect me NOT to look at it. I mean, maybe that's the whole point. I know not a lot of American men wear pants THAT tight, European men do for sure.... I have a story to tell and I'm not sure if it's appropriate.... heck.. I'll share it anyways!

A couple of years ago I was visiting family in France. Yep, Europe. Which means that there's the possibility that some of my family members enjoy sporting tight pants. One night, the possibility became factual. We were all getting ready to go out for a nice dinner. I was hanging out in the living room and one of my male relatives walks in with tight ass fuckin' pants! Okay, so, his shit was literally right in my face, I couldn't NOT look at it! So, I did, only for a quick second... and then... I think he caught me looking for that one split second... and thus began the stream of awkward vibes throughout the rest of the trip.... sigh..... This past summer when I went to visit again.... he wore the pants, I made a mental note not to accidentally look.


Sidenote: So when I think about this next confession and confession #3 it leads me to believe that maybe I just really need to get laid....??.... it's been a while... anyways! On to confession #4!!!!


4. Sometimes when I'm in public places, I peruse the sea of people, and point out men in my mind. I look at them and decide which ones I'd fuck and which ones I wouldn't fuck. I know this might sound odd and a bit vulgar perhaps....but I know I'm not the only person that thinks this way!! I KNOW I'M NOT! Here's the worse part. When I go to "holy" places it's worse. I see men with their wives and I think to myself, yeah I'd do him....probably better than his wife!!! eep!! I'm going to hell!!!! I seriously need to get laid, this is so sad!!


5. I do this really horrible thing where I tend to fall for boys that look like my exes. So bad! I know! Like, Mr. Dickies, totally reminds me of an ex asshole of mine. I'm a masochist I guess? I don't know. I definitely have the same taste which is good I guess, but then I create all these ideas that the ex-look-a-like is just a better version of the real ex. When I moved to CA the first time, there was this boy I met at a social thing, and he looked exactly like my ex (the one I left when I moved to CA) so of course my wounds were still sore, I kinda stuck to that poor ex-look-a-like like a fuckin' leech...

That's all I have for now.
I know, you readers are lucky this week.. what? 3 posts in one week!! Hot damn!!!

So, If I ever miss a week, I don't want to hear any bitching or complaining! ya hear!!!!? hehe
And, forgive me if this sounds choppy or if I have typos, I'm posting this at 1am and I'm about to pass out!!!

What are some of your confessions?

night!
<3