Let go

So, a lot on my mind.  Last week I had a lot on my mind too and I couldn't quite put it all into words so I put up songs that echoed my thoughts and feelings. I'm going to do a bit of the same deal this post but I'll write more.

First song, I've been obsessed with Adele lately, and specifically this song:




So, things with Mr. High School seem to be going the way things with Mr. Hands did. Again I feel like I'm investing too much of myself into something where I'm not really getting much in return. It was really nice in the beginning of course, don't get me wrong, but then there comes a point where I always get too emotionally invested and expect the same from the other person. Expectations always seem to get in the way. But what was it I said in a post a while ago? It's not that I have high expectations, it's just that I'm not being liked/loved the way I need to be.

Yesterday I did spend the day moping about and being pissed, frustrated, angry, sad about many things in life. While there are promising aspects of my life, everything that I could see yesterday were only the things that were crumbling before my eyes. Sometimes the answers are just in front of you, and sometimes they're not.

Earlier this week, too, I expressed my frustration to my friend about our high school cohort. This year, so many of my high school cohorts have gotten engaged, married, a new born. This is the "typical" age when people reach the beginning of the next stage. I see facebook statuses everyday with something about my fiance this my husband that my baby blah blah blah. Most of those people I'm not really friends with so in a fit of rage and bitterness I deleted them all :)  I realized, after, that it was really childish of me. I'm not saying I'm not happy for them, I am. I'm just a bit...haha... jealous. THAT'S WHAT I WANT!!! I gotta let it go.. let it go let it go.  Let go of it so I can move forward, forward on my own path.

Let go of the past of the what if's and the maybes and could haves and blah blah blah. Because really that's just what it is... "sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead".... unfortunately for me it hasn't lasted yet :) hahahaha


Now for the second song, also by Adele:




RAWR!!! I'm feelin' a bit better today, had a nice brunch with the bestie this morning, that started my day out well :) Then I got home and watched a  couple episodes of a TV show I really feel mimics my life and is sort of an Aesop's Fables for me... with each ending of an episode there's always a moral to be told.  I watched 3 episodes and felt completely motivated to bake and listen to music and dance. This song, Rolling in the Deep, came on first and the deep bass beat just resonated and vibrated in my body and I just felt it and felt so empowered! So I'm owning all of this that I think and feel and I'm letting go of it all... well all that concerns Mr. High School, I should say.

Cause guess what all, I'm a catch! I really am!! Sometimes it's hard for me to truly believe that and feel that, but I really am. If Mr. High School or Mr. Joe Shmo can't see that or appreciate it or fight for it then fuck them all. I deserve just as much devotion, love, commitment, romance as the next person does. And fine, if I have to wait another 5-10 years fuck it I'll have to suck it up and wait. (please universe, please don't make me wait that long....hehe...) but seriously. I'd rather wait 10 yrs and be with my soul mate (cheesy, but they exist), than fall for an idiot and settle and be unhappy for the rest of my life.

C'mon soul mate!!!! Bring it on!! Bring it on!!!! I'm ready for you!!!!! Go Team Soul Mate!!!! RAH RAH RAH! But, if you need to take your time, I understand....sigh..... I guess.

So, that's where I'm at.

<3