The Bachelorette

Now, I'm not saying that what goes down on The Bachelorette is the best option out there... but there is something I like about it... and what I do like about it is that they get down to the nitty gritty right away. Everyone on the show has one thing in common, that they want to find their future husband/wife, they're tired of being alone and are ready to commit.. so now what's left for them to do is see if they click, if they have the same image of their futures in sync, and if they have the same values.

Why can't we be like that? Why can't on a first date with someone in real life we can just be like "this is what I want, this is what I'm looking for, these are my intentions with you" and BASTA! You know where you each stand. Why does it seem like its this big test, this fucking game.. no not game... just a test where you have to tap into your non-existent ESP powers and read the other persons mind so, like i said in last weeks post, as a woman, I wont get stamped Emotional and if a dude has these concerns he wont get stamped weak. Why do these labels have to exist... why does any of this running around have to exist!?

That, my dear readers, is one thing I envy of the bachelorette. I want to know where you stand, what your intentions are what your dreams are for the future... what kind of love you're looking for, what kind of life you want to live... what are your dreams.... granted this season some dude did a great job getting on there and tricking the fuck out of the chick.... while that sucks that all of america sees this... it speaks the truth to what goes on in the dating world today.

Because things are way too casual, doors can open left and right and no one really has a say in it until "the conversation" happens. Until "the conversation," it's fair play. By "the conversation" I mean the conversation that is typically brought upon by the female... wondering what the status is of the relationship... wanting more security and having a sense of the begining of starting a relationship culture with another individual. People and relationships just need to be more direct and honest... that's all I'm saying.

I feel like I may be cursed. Maybe it's because I stole my first real boyfriend (of 3 yrs) from my best friend when we were 19. Maybe it's because I broke his heart (he broke mine too). But I feel like I may be cures and will be a bachelorette for some time. Lately I feel like dudes just don't want to emotionally commit.... but then again, I'm just assuming.

Here's the thing people... right now I've got a lot going on in my life... and I really hate spending my free time questioning relationships and not knowing the label (as much as I hate them.). This is what I want/need right now... I just really want someone to take care of me, because right now I can honestly say that I can't even take care of myself. And yes, I get and understand the whole, if you can't take care of you u cant take care of anyone else, or if you can't love you you cant love others.... but I think a part of loving me is allowing to be vulnerable and have someone take care of me.... anyways I went on a tangent... this is what I want, I want someone to take care of me, I want someone here, I want simplicity. I want to cuddle with someone every night.. every night... because I want to feel safe and I need to feel secure.  I'm a caretaker.... a guilty one at that.... if I can't help you I guilt trip right away. I want the kind of unconditional love I give others to be given to me.

Although, at this point in my life... I just feel I will forever be a bachelorette. I'm probably just being a negative nancy.... but I just want some sense of simplicity and peace of mind and love right now.

the end

<3