I don't want....

Alright, first off, sorry about last week... I was exhausted and had no time or honestly no motivation to write. I like to try and do a weekly post and sometimes I just force it and it comes out like shit... so la de da... here's hoping this one wont fail :)


Secondly, I wasn't quite sure what to write about this week, then my bestie sort of hinted at it last night and well, here I am, writing an entry about what I don't want. Now, you remember that big fad a year or 2 ago, The Secret fad? How you should think positively and whatever you put out comes back to you. So it went on about how you should form your sentences into positive ones because when you put out what you don't want, when you focus on that, that's all you're going to get.... well.... this post is going to serve as a big FUCK YOU to that idea :)

Let's try something here... I'm going to write about what I don't want... and maybe I'll try and add what I do want right after.... let's see how this will work out!

I don't want to be that girl that starts every conversation with "I need a boyfriend..." One of my girls brought it up the other night... she was referring to an acquaintance she knows that all she talks about is obviously needing a boyfriend. While this blog is about embracing being a single lady, desperately ::achem:: passionately wanting a significant other, and whatever encounters I have with an apple of my eye... I definitely do not want to be that annoying girl. naggy naggy naggy naggy naggy... blah blah blah.

I do want a significant other...haha... but!
While on that search, I want to solidify myself so that I don't have to depend on a man and see him as an accessory but more so an investment.

I don't want to settle. Nope nope nope. While I am determined to find my future husband before I turn an old old age where I have no room in my life for a man because of the plethora of cats that will be living with me, I will not settle. Too many marriages go sour due to settling, a life of unhappiness happens due to settling. Disrespecting yourself, not loving yourself, comes with settling. But, wait, some people settle and are aware of the choice they are making so I don't mean any disrespect to those of you out there. I was a bit harsh, so, I do apologize. Who knows, maybe I will hit a breaking point and end up settling as well.....

I do want to find the love of my life. Cheesy, I know.
I want to live passionately and grow together and individually with another person.
I want love in my life every day.

I don't want to be that girl that no man can be serious with. I know this is kind of silly and odd. But just because I'm silly and sensitive and am all over the place, doesn't mean you shouldn't man up. I'm not sure if this is making any sense. I'm just tired of falling for boys. I'm tired of wasting my time and energy on toddlers. I'm tired of not finding a real fuckin' man who can fuckin' own up and hold his own. You know what.... this should be changed to...

I don't want to be with a fucking boy. I don't think this needs explanation. Because you know what, it ain't my problem, it's theirs. The only problem I have is fuckin' falling for these boys!

you know what else I don't want?

I don't want to be that girl that leads you to your wife. I don't want that. I don't want to be that one that shows you the way, teaches you about life, shows you love and compassion and all the things you thought you could never have... (believe me, I really don't think THAT highly of myself... I know I'm coming off as conceited and self absorbed.... ugh I'm turning into one of those girls... save me!) BUT IT'S TRUE!!!! I feel like most of the relationships I've been in, they tell me I'm special and this and that and ::doing the jerking off gesture:: blah blah blah.... then we part ways and they find their wives! OK!!! OKAY!!! OKAY!!!! I know I'm completely exaggerating, this only happened with one ex of mine..... BUT STILL!!!! WHAT'S TO STOP IT FROM HAPPENING AGAIN!!!??

(breathing in and out) X (infinity) = solace.....?

GAH!

I do want ........ wait for it.....


wait for it....

(let's see if you can guess....)

you ready??


I want a fucking man.

<3


Note: I am aware that I started this post cool calm and collective.... and then I slowly... or actually, rather quickly turned into psycho single woman hulk. I may have become that "I need a boyfriend" girl, and guess what I will not apologize for it. Have a wonderful week!

Mr. High School

(Here's a little semi-end-of-the-week delight!) :)


So!

I didn't write about this one before because I didn't really have anything bad to say about it and it seemed to be a short, sweet, no "to be continued" date so I didn't think writing about it would do anything.....

Turns out I was wrong :)


Let's take this back to High School for a second. When I was a senior in HS I had a few classes with this dude. Mr. High School is tall, black, handsome and he ain't no scrawny little thing, just how I like a man to be! Anyways, we were in different circles but that didn't really matter we would chat it up and flirt a bit. He would always ask me out, he would do it when his friends were around and it just always seemed like he was joking. So I never took him seriously. I totally wanted to go out with him but I was never sure if he was serious, so I just had fun flirting and chatting with him in class and that was that. Then we graduated and I never heard from him again.... until this lovely social networking got our paths to cross once more!

Mr. High School and I became friends on this social networking site about a year ago, we didn't really leave comments or anything until a couple of months ago. He would leave nice comments on my photos and what not. Then one day he IMed me on this site and said that he's been waiting for a date with me since High School. We chatted a bit and I told him I never thought he was serious and blah blah blah.... so then I said to him "Let's do it!"

So we did!!


Man!! My friends and I were so excited!! Well, the friends I've known since High School and knew about Mr. High School and how I was into him back then. I wasn't obsessively into him or anything but I was into him, I just didn't want to make an ass out of myself if he was joking about asking me out. I dreamed about it from time to time but I figured it was all just a joke and would never happen. So, you can imagine how exciting this was for me and my gals!!!!

We set up a time and sort of a place to meet and this is how it went down:

We decided to meet up in Old City after I was done work. I was nervous and gross!!! It, of course, was fuckin' hot out! I stupidly walked from work to Old City, that's like... an 11 block walk. It's not a far walk at all, but in the heat it becomes a fuckin' sweat walk!!! ugh!

So we met at a corner, hugged, I apologized for my grossness eep! We walked around looking for a spot to grab a bite and drink at. Finally we decided on a spot. But first before I forget!! His appearance definitely changed since high school. He had on glasses and his hair was different and he seemed so much wiser and mature and right off he seemed like a MAN. You know what I mean? A fuckin' MAN! Anyways!!!

We were catching up, what we've been doing the past 10 years blah blah blah. Talked about the people we still keep in touch with, about the people we graduated with. We talked about politics as well. We seemed to have the same view on a lot of things, it was nice and refreshing. So we ate, had a drink and I was assuming we'd walk around afterward, or do something else. He ever so kindly paid the bill. I definitely offered because I just hate the whole stereotype of the dude having to pay the bill. While it is nice, it's unfair.

So he paid, we got up and as we are leaving he says to me "So, where are you off to now?" My heart sank a bit. Fine, there weren't any instant sparks or fireworks or anything like that, but I wasn't having a bad time, and like I said earlier, I expected we were going to do something else! So I said I was going home... he was going to take the bus back to NJ but he took the train with me instead so that was nice! We got an extra 30 min together!

I waited a day or 2 to thank him for the date.
I wrote: "Hey! Just wanted to thank you for the date! I had fun.Have a great week!"

His reply confused me a bit.
He wrote: "Thank u for bein u. u ur welcome. i was was happy to n i had fun also. u have a wonderful week and good luck. see you soon. "

Good luck???

Good luck with what? Applying to school? Good luck on the dating front? Good luck with what?? Good luck finding a future husband? Good luck u got no shot with me? Good luck with your week?

GOOD LUCK WITH WHAT?!?!?!?!?!


So, that was it... I hadn't heard from him for a little over a month and then this week he IMs me again... and we are in the midst of planning a second date....

So, this whole thing is to be continued... there will be a 2nd date posting to come.. soon? I don't know when...

It does seem a little fishy that I hadn't heard from him in a little over a month... along with the good luck... along with the 1.5hr date... but!

Maybe that's how he is, I like to give people numerous chances! :)

He seems like a great guy though, and we have yet to find out what this man is really all about ;) But I also know that he can be a shy guy, so maybe that's what's going on.

And!! Of course!! I read too much into things sometimes... or sometimes I even read things completely wrong. We will see how the second date goes down....

So!!

To be continued...

<3