Mr. Spiderman

GUEST POST!!!!!!! 

This is exciting! This is my very first guest post!!! YAY! Last week in class we had to do presentations in class about  2 bad/good etiquette scenarios we encountered. My favorite classmate gave her presentation, at the end of class I went up to her and asked her to write a guest post for my blog! One of the scenarios she presented on was amazing! So, here is the wonderful post by Salama Shani, she's a strong, amazing, beautiful, single woman and runs an awesome lil bakery out of her home! For all of you people out there in Facebook land here is a link to her page Sweet Jonz, check it out, it's full of deliciousness!! Now, without further ado, here is Mr. Spiderman!!!!  Kuh-tsssssssss (that's me spraying web out of my wrist)!!!!!  

p.s. Listen to her words of wisdom at the end, she speaks the truth!

Mr. Spiderman

            An acquaintance from high school reconnected with me on Facebook.  We really did not know each other very well while in high school because he was a popular senior and I was an awkward freshman in the color guard.  Despite that, we were from the same town (Lawnside), so we shared a circle of "friends" on Facebook. 

            One day, out of the blue, he sent me a "friend request" with a message saying that he still thought I was beautiful and wondered if I remembered him.  Well, all you have to do is tell me you think I am beautiful!  I accepted his "friend request" and we began chatting via Facebook.  We eventually exchanged numbers and he began to text message me regularly.  (Side note:  I find the whole conversing through texting extremely annoying.  I am showing my age on this (35) because I remember when men actually conversed with women!  Ok, I won't go off on a tangent on that topic...at least, not right now.)

            Ok, let me get back on track...

            I found out that he lives in the Baltimore area, is a school counselor, has two children, and is recently divorced.  He is currently in graduate school because he would like to become a director of his school district's counseling program.  All this sounded pretty promising (except for the divorce, but, no one is perfect and mistakes are apart of life.  Hey, maybe I am still single because I can be a pain in the a**?  It is all apart of the journey, right?). 

            Fast-forward three weeks.  He is still mostly communicating with me via text message (ugh!).  We have only had one full conversation on the telephone.  One night, he called me, but we only chatted briefly, as he said he had to end the call.  He told me he would call me back later in the evening.  He did not call.  The next morning, he sent me a text message apologizing for not calling me back.  I replied that it was nothing to worry about.  He replied that he would make it up to me.  (NOTE:  Please remember that we have only had one and a half conversations on the phone and that we have yet to meet in-person.)

            In my naïveté, I replied that I was sure he would think of something good.  In my wildest dreams, I could not have imagined what was going to happen next!  I really thought he would reply with dinner and a movie!  Instead, he sent me a text with a picture attached saying, "This should make up for it...". Honest, I truly believed that I was going to open the picture and see a cute puppy with sad eyes or a picture of a bouquet of flowers.  I was not expecting what he sent me!

            I opened the attachment and it was a picture of himself, in a bathroom, taken by him because he was standing in front of the bathroom mirror with his camera phone.  He was wearing nothing other than his Spiderman underwear and he was proving to me that he had mastered his newly single life!  It took me a moment to realize what was happening.  (I am not always the brightest bulb in the box.)  I did not know how to respond, so, I did not reply. 

            He sent the picture to me again!  You know, in case I did not get it the first time.  Finally, after the initial shock wore off, I replied that, even though it was obvious he liked his body, maybe we were looking for different things in our relationships with others and that he should find someone who would be more appreciative than I of his risqué photos.  He replied that he was just having fun and did not mean to insult me and that I needed to lighten up.  I told him that a man had never sent me pictures like that and that I was definitely insulted.  He continued to try to back peddle by making me feel like a prude.  He told me that his soft porn display was not a big deal and that he looked basically the same when he was at the beach or poolside (sans his hands in his pants).  I did not care what his excuses were, I was totally turned off.  Who does that?!  I "unfriended" him and asked him to stop contacting me. 

            Since then, he has sent me a text or two.  I have not responded. 

            I think Mr. Spiderman, even though he is pushing 40 years old, has become a victim of today's technology.  As I mentioned, back in the day, men called and conversed with women.  Actual conversations with authentic emotions; not just LOL :).  The lack of technology required men and women to be more invested in each other.  In having a real conversation with a woman, a man would not, for example, say, "Oh baby, I'm sorry I didn't call you back last night.  But, I'm standing in front of my bathroom mirror in my Spidey drawers, touching myself.  That should make it up to you, baby."  Really?!  Am I supposed to believe that would have ever happened back in the day?  I was there, those things did not happen! 

            Nowadays, men text instead of talking.  Speaking as just one woman in love with men, I miss hearing your voices!  Fellas, here's the deal...we love hearing your voices!  Personally, I LOVE the way men say my name.  The bass in their voices hits all the right syllables just right and I feel completely enveloped in masculinity.  I love it!  I love talking with a man and knowing I make him laugh out loud (for real).  Fellas, when we talk to you, we can hear the smile on your face!  It can be a beautiful thing! 

            I fear technology has made us lazy and has taken the fun and romance out of getting to know each other.  Sigh...how I miss those good ole days...those days before IM and texting.  Some of you may not be able to fully appreciate what I am saying.  But, think about it...don't you think you would make a person feel extra special by setting aside time to talk to them.  Just talk.  Real life talk without multitasking.  Directing your focus to someone you like lets them know they are special. 

            Here's my suggestion (if you even care), the next time you want to let someone know you are thinking about them, fight the desire to send a :), and call them instead.  You might like talking...it can be fun. 

What's your shoe size?

Long overdue... I KNOW!!!! Life has been insane the past couple of weeks! I'm mad at myself for skipping posts two weeks in a row!!! WAAHHH!!!! sigh.... My sister got married 2 weeks ago so that weekend was hectic, then last weekend was busy busy as well! Anyways, I wont dwell on the boring stuff... let's get to the good stuff!!!

This week at work a coworker of mine decided to start a discussion topic that started out pretty innocent and ended pretty dirty...rawr! So, just a heads up to the dirtiness that will follow :)

My coworker decided to take a poll and asked everyone at work what the top 3 things are they notice in  a person they'd be interest in. The boys said basically T&A (typical boys), the gals said eyes, smile, teeth, hands, shoulders, and package (I feel like I'm missing something?). So, that's how this innocently started. Then we got to talking about size....tips on how a woman can tell what the dude is packing.

One coworker said that its all in their thumbs. That there is a correlation  between a guys thumb and what he's packing. I've always thought there was a definite correlation between dudes hands and what he's packing. If he's got long fingers then hes packing something with length, if he's got chubby fingers he's got some girth.  I mean, you might've read somewhere in this blog that a mans hands are pretty important to me, but it has nothing to do with what he's packing. I just love a workin' man, a man that's got man hands!!! Hands where there are scars, a little rough (NOT TOO ROUGH!!!eww!), hands where you can see his veins on top(crazy?).  Man hands that are fragile and dainty and pretty, just bug me!

ANYWAYS!!!

Then someone asked a customer, a gay man, what his tips are and how he sizes a man up...so to speak. This man also started talking about hands. What he said was really interesting though!!! And!!!! Made perfect sense! He said that what a man is packing is no thinner than his middle and pointer fingers and no thicker than his 3 middle fingers. How does this make perfect sense? Well, when a dude is getting it on with a chick and he's fingering her, a good way for him to know if he's gonna "fit" is by using that theory! Very interesting!!! Now! I don't know if its true, I can't go asking my exes to email me pics of his hands so I can figure it out, and I don't have a boy to test this theory on, but I believe it, if I think back really hard, it makes sense. Like I said, I've always thought there was a direct correlation between a mans hands and what he's packing.

Then there's the whole idea that his length is from the bottom of his palm to the tip of his middle finger, or from the tip of his pinky to the tip of his thumb (if his hand is stretched.). Anyways! Interesting facts hu? Nothing  SUPER important, just interesting, and maybe insightful? haha?

Then!! The coworker who started this whole conversation said that there was a secret that men used to know the depth of a woman. We, all of the female workers, were shocked and needed to know what it was! He wouldn't tell us! So there we were, crowded around him, nagging him, begging him to tell us!!! We started throwing out guesses,  is it the mouth? ears? hands? How?!!?!?! He said that it had nothing to do with her face. He refused to tell us, so, on our breaks we googled it on our phones to try and find out....nothing, nothing surfaced!!!

Finally, a customer, who's cool with the coworker came in and we asked him. Good thing the coworker wasn't around because he would've told the customer not to tell us. So, we ask the customer "what part of the female body does a guy look at to tell what her vag is like?" and right away, with no hesitation he says "her feet."

Feet?! really!?!? So, if you take a woman's shoe size, change it to a mans size that apparently is her depth. I think that's pretty crazy and makes no sense what so ever! These boys apparently swear on it.  The customer also had the audacity to say that short girls can't handle it.... I was like "wait!? excuse me!? are you saying I can't handle it?!!? That's bullshit! I can handle anything!!" :) hahaha This dude was also saying that just by looking at a chick, how she stands, how she walks he can tell if she can "handle" him...rolls eyes... btw... I looked at this dudes hands, and if all of our theories are right...he aint packin :) hahahaha which goes on to prove another theory, the more they talk the smaller they are!!

:)

sigh... my oh my.... what an interesting day that was... and of course that day and the ones that followed I couldn't stop looking at males hands and either being intrigued, disgusted, or giggly about it.  At one point the coworker that I sit next to and I were both looking at one of her customers hands and looked at each other and just started cracking the fuck up, it was too too funny!!!

Anyways, I hope this post made up for the absence of the past 2 weeks!

I promise to have one next week as well!

Love love love!!!

To all you single lads and lasses out there (and taken ones as well), check out  the feet and hands out there, it's fun!!!

ow!!!!!

<3

... Part 2

So, I don't have much planned for this weeks blog post, I might not write anything ... I'm not sure. I've been so busy and haven't had any time to myself. A lot is going on I just don't have time!!! Wahh!

I was thinking of attempting to write a post but here I am in bed with heavy eye lids. So sad, so lame! I hope to get something up later on this week!! Crossing my fingers!!! Sorry ya'll!
remember, "all you need is love."


love love

<3

...

No post this week, sorry ya'll.

Sister got married though!! Congrats to her, the new bro and to love!


<3

Cupcake Connection

The universe really is quite funny, it has definitely been entertaining me and my silly thoughts lately. I have my doubts about The Secret, but I do also believe in it. Whatever you put out in the universe it comes to you... granted not ALL the time, and maybe not right away, but it comes. I definitely thought that Mr. Hands was a product of The Secret, and I think at the time he really was, but I should've specified age...haha oh man... me and my psycho babble!!

So!! Get this!!! Remember last week when I was talking about Craigslist and finding love on it? No, no, no I did not find love on Craigslist. BUT! Remember that little bit I wrote,
about the missed connections section on there? I like to amuse myself and check it out once in a while, so I checked it out the other day, thus the story begins!!

It's my day off, I'm just hanging out at the crib (hehe), I go on CL to look for jobs... I need to find a new job... STAT!!!!... then I decide to mosey on over to the missed connections section. BAM! There it was, bright as day! The subject line read "Bank Teller on Juniper* (Center City)." The person mentioned the bank name, but I'm not mentioning it on here, I don't want any psychos coming to my place of work...hahaha....flatter me, please. So, I click on it and this is roughly what it said (I'm going by memory because dude took off the post) "I come to deposit my check every 2 weeks and when I stand in line we always smile at each other. I always hope to get you and when I don't I'm bummed. Hope this works!"

Of course I replied!!!! AND! Of course I was secretly hoping dude would be talking about me, and that we'd get togehter, get married, have kids and live a happily romantic life ever after.... haha I know I went a little too far on that one, didn't I?? haha I seriously though just secretly hoped it was me the dude wrote about. OY OY OY!!! So, I reply using this blogs email address and I say "Hey, I work at that branch, maybe I can help you find this gal." Here is how the rest of the emailing conversation went:

BOY - She has brown hair, a light tan, possibly Hispanic? Average height, Average body.
ME - Just to clarify, you are talking about the branch on Juniper and Locust* right?
BOY- yep
ME- Hmmm, well, there aren't any Hispanic women that work there, I could possibly be mistaken to be Hispanic. My name is Sally*, does that ring a bell?
BOY- I work at the cupcake place, my name is Adam*.... haha I hope you don't think this is all weird
ME- I know who you are! Please, I don't think this is weird at all, I'm on there checking it out, if anything we're both weird.

Anyways, so he did post the missed connections about me and we ended up exchanging numbers and texting back and forth. We sent pictures of us to one another to validated even more that we are who we think we are.  Cute story hu???

Will there be a future? Absolutely not! This boy, Mr. Cupcake,...baby... is fuckin 20!!!!! And while I don't like to discriminate against age, my most recent experience definitely leads me to believe that uhh age is a big deal! So, while this was a super cute story and what not, it definitely doesn't turn out as I had always dreamed/hoped it would... sigh, another dream shot!! hahaha!

One thing I do want to mention though, is that working at the branch I work at, the men I see are either A.) My age and older, attorneys, accountants la de da...who are already taken and the ones who aren't, aren't that exciting and B.) Super young, hot, art students!!!! It's such a damn fuckin shame!!!! Art students are fuckin' hot and we are on the same fuckin' page!!! WHY!!! WHY!!! haha but hey, there's a reason for everything.... I have yet to find out what it is :)


Anyways, there's my little Cupcake Connection story. Mr. Cupcake has been texting me trying to hang but I've seriously been so busy I've been saying no, which I guess could partially be an advantage for me?? I was honestly thinking though, should I just entertain him and go out with him... maybe get a few make out sessions (we know how much I love them makeout sessions) or should I just drop it... ugh, I should seriously just drop it... I need a MAN! not a baby boy... no offense to Mr. Cupcake! Mr. Cupcake is super super cute! It's just a shame he's so young.....sigh...

Have a wonderful rest of the week lovelies!!! Sorry for the delay!!

<3

*Names changed :)

Listless

Well, hello hello!

I'm not quite sure how this post is going to turn out! Let's see! I guess there are a couple things I need to touch on!

1. So, I realized something very very interesting and kind of shocking this weekend!

I always write about different dating sites and how they suck and yet I'm still stupidly drawn to them. I annoy myself! This weekend in class I was chatting it up with a classmate of mine and he was telling me how he met his fiance and I was telling him about my blog and la de da. Anyways, you'll never guess how he met his fiance.... he met his fiance the same way a friend of mine met her hubby... it was online... not through a dating site though! Not through Facebook, or Myspace (who uses that anymore?).... it was through a website I normally go to looking for jobs, apts, furniture etc. .... fuckin' Craigslist!

I wonder if I've talked about Craigslist, I might've mentioned how once in a while I check out the missed connections secretly hoping that by some lame ass romantic cupid type of way someone (my future husband, of course) would write about a bank teller that helped him make a deposit (me). Big SIGH! Yep,  hopeless romantic I am.  UGH!!!!!!!!!! LAME!!!!!!! okay.... anyways!

He met his fiance on Craigslist! My friend in CA met her husband on Craigslist! What is this! How in the?!?!? I mean with all the spamming, pornishness, and psycho killers that goes on there, finding true love on the List is possible?!?!!?!  I never really got to talk in depth with my friend about how she  landed her hubby on the list, but my classmate was telling me how it worked out really well for him. He said he pretty much posted an ad on there, which reminds me of the marketeer post I wrote 2 weeks ago, he wrote what he was looking for and he got it! I mean, I think he said he went through a few crap ass people but then he met his fiance and BAM! So, naturally, this intrigued me. No, I did not write an ad on the list but I did go and check out what people wrote.

Some dudes were looking for one night stands, some dudes were just lookin to hang out with a girl because they were tired of hanging out with the boys, some dudes were looking for cuddle buddies (haha mmhmm.) This one guy wrote about how he hadn't had a girlfriend in a few years and he was looking to pay someone to pretend to be his girlfriend. To go over to his place and hang out with him while he cooked dinner for her and all she had to do was pretend to be into him and cuddle up and watch a movie on his couch half drunk. Now, if we lived in a trustworthy society I might have actually went for it, but seriously? I wouldn't be able to go over to some complete strangers place, have him cook for me, pour me some wine (and possibly slip a roofie while I wasn't looking) and cuddle with him while he took advantage of me?  Hahaha maybe I'm a bit crazy for thinking to far into that!  No thank you!!!

Then there were some decent ones that were just looking to meet someone on a serious level. I was semi-tempted to reply to one but the whole thing just felt weird. Why should it though?! I mean, I'm on these lame ass dating sites, only difference is that on C-list there aren't pictures. Maybe seeing pictures make the men seem more real and trustworthy? I don't know, there's a whole psychological thing going on, I'm sure.  The thought of posting an ad on there crossed my mind, why wouldn't it? But eh, I don't know if I can. I would run into the same wall of not knowing what to say and possibly sounding like a fake lame ass.

Anyways, it's interesting isn't it?!  I think it's really great that people have been able to find love on there, I'm not trying to be negative about it. Props to them! I'm just being pessimistic because I'm loosing faith in all of this.  Anyways, it's pretty awesome, a website where I can find my career, find an apt, furnish it, and find a husband what a sweet package deal!


2. So! Since being back and forth on okc I've been messaging with a few dudes, no one really tickled my fancy to want to take it further than messaging with them.  BUT!!! GET THIS!!!! I had an old 20Something20st celebrity e-mail me! You would not believe who it was!!!!! Put your 3D glasses on and take a ride with me to the past... haha did ya get the hint??? MR. NERDGASM MESSAGED ME!!!! WAAAH!!!!

He sent me a message saying this:

I remember messaging you back in July but I completely forget if we got anywhere with our conversations...

And since you seem like a super interesting person I decided what the heck I'll message you again! :D

First of all! So, if you remember messaging me back in July, why don't you read the messages and get to the end of them where I turned you down after that agonizing date, and prevent yourself from making a bigger fool of yourself. I'm an ass, I'm being a COMPLETE ass, I'm aware of it, but...really? really??  I'm an ass!!! Oy, I'm an ass! I didn't message him back because... how the fuck do you reply to that?  Say something like "Hey, thanks for the message, we did message each other back in July but it didn't work out. Hope all is well! Take care!" Oy! Oy! Oy!....shudder.... sigh.

Oh! and Second of all, if you did read all the messages and saw that I wasn't interested after our date, do you really think I'd be that stupid to somehow forget who you were and accidentally go on another horrendous date with you? 

Anyways, I don't remember what else I had to write about. I guess that's that! One interesting topic and one update! Super! I don't know if this post did anything for ya'll... or for me... well it is making me think about personal ads...again.... I really should just let go of it all and forget it all. I'm gonna go back to just accepting that I'm gonna be an old lonely cat lady... not that that's a bad thing, cats are super cool :)

<3

I'm Blue!

Hello Hello fellow readers!
I hope this wonderful month of March is treating you well so far!! We are getting closer to summer ya'll!!!! How exciting!!!!!

So! A few insightful things went on this week! Oh wait! I should mention that I did a guest blog post over at my lovely Blogger friends page!! Ramblings is super awesome, her blog consists of guest blogs and her take on the weeks topic. This weeks topic was "Are you afraid of being alone?" and surprisingly my post was a positive one, I wrote about finally being on my own and la de da! Now looking back on it, it's kinda surprising how it's so positive about being alone, when in my head I'm like "WHY!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!"

Alright, back to the insightfulness of this week!

1. This week started out a bit rough, then was cool, then went back to being rough then back to cool... haha... The rough patches were a cause of 2 totally different things, I'm only going to talk about one of them, the other one can suck it!! :)

So, ironically, at the beginning of this week I was feeling sooooo lonely.. blah blah blah...cue violin.. blah blah...I met with my lovely therapist, who I'd like to give a name to, haven't figured it out yet..... and we were talking (obviously) and I went on to saying how I just feel like no one wants to love me sometimes, well not that... that the boys I've been with didn't love/like me enough to want to be with me, and how it feels like I'm doing something wrong and its all my fault and blah blah... super lame, I know! But I think it's safe to say that a lot of us single ladies (and men!) out there feel this from time to time, right? So, if you're a single lady/lad get this! Are you ready!!!?!?! (this might not be new to you and I might be riding the slow train here, but get this!) She tells me that maybe that wasn't the case, maybe they just didn't love/like me the way I needed to be.

Interesting hu? Y'know, this whole exploration thing is about me finding me and me taking care of me and me putting me first.... exploring areas and parts of me I seemed to have neglected the past 28yrs! So, this was a big deal for me to hear. I wasn't being loved/liked the way I NEEDED to be.  We all have wants and needs, I know what my wants are (a pasta machine, every bakery supply imaginable, a cat, a couch, a man)... but I guess I never really took time to think about my needs. What are my needs? And! I never thought about failed relationships that way! Failed relationships aren't anyone's fault really, needs just weren't being met! I guess this is something that maybe if I thought about I'd know and see, but I'm too wrapped up in my bullshit that I don't think clearly about it all :)


2.  I'm the color blue!!! Yes I am!!! I'm a sucker for personality tests and what not. This one that I took the other day totally got me spot on!!! Another insightful thing!!!! After I ended things with, I'll call him, Mr. Hands, I deactivated my okc account, then I reactivated it and got all angry that it fuckin sucks and that it's stupid and no one interesting is on it! So, I decided to go back to my roots....haha, so to speak...haha.... I went and checked out my very old, lovely JDate account (shhh! don't tell my mother, even though her jewish-mother-radar probably picked that up, she knows now doesn't she? god dammit!). Nothing interesting going on there, same shit except I gotta pay to view the 10391830912832 emails in my inbox, who flirted with me and who sent me an E-card (woooaa!!!!).

One thing I noticed that caught my eye, that was new!!!, was this personality test! What color are you!?! Blue? Red? Yellow? White?! HOW EXCITING!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to know what my color was ASAP! So I took this short and confusing at first, test. It focused on your childhood, things you would've done, how you would've reacted to certain situations, characteristics of you when you were a child! This was kind of hard, because we (or maybe just I) have skewed perceptions of ourselves when we were kids, how do we know WHO we really were as kids aside from what others told us. Anyways I filled it out best I could, it took maybe 10min, not long at all.

I'm 40% Blue, 35% White, and 25% Yellow. No red what so ever, but I guess that makes sense because after skimming through what each color is, red seems to be more controlling and I'm definitely not that, but I can think of some people who are :)   Here is a quick rundown of these colors taken off of a JDate page:

• RED (The Power-Wielders): Core Motive = Power, or the ability to move from "a" to "b" as efficiently as possible
• BLUE (The Do-Gooders): Core Motive = Intimacy, this doesn't mean sex, but the need to connect, share feelings, and build relationships with others
• WHITE (The Peacekeepers): Core Motive = Peace, or calm even in the midst of conflict; clarity in the midst of confusion
• YELLOW (The Fun-Lovers): Core Motive = Fun, or always enjoying the moment

If I could I'd put in the full description of what Blue entails, but it's all about always giving yourself fully to others, putting others before you, wanting to have that deeper connection, that intimacy, but also wanting autonomy. I love it, I think it's definitely me. It's funny, here I am stuck between being a Do-Gooder and wanting to become Kanye 2.0, a class-A dick (with some sick beats of course!).


And! I just realized! To bring this back full full circle 360 fuckin degrees! When I was with my therapist talking about all that ish and bringing up Mr. Hands, I was saying how I wish I had a deeper connection with him, how I wanted to know more, how things with him seemed to be just on the surface.... IT'S BECAUSE I'M A BLUE!!!!!!! and!!! My needs weren't being met! A Blue needs intimacy! A Blue needs a deeper connection!! Like the deep blue sea! BAM! I'm done! woo!! See all that work I did there? See that?




<3