Foundations

Sorry about the lack of post last week... man, I've been having too many of those recently, haven't I?

Life has seriously been busy!!!

So crazy!!!

During my undergrad I was always so envious of busy people, thinking that busy people had purposes in life because they always had someplace to be and something important to do, they were needed. While I enjoyed my free time, I definitely took it for granted! Here I am so super busy that when I finally have free time to do laundry, I decide to hop into bed and relax instead :)

I think it may be better to need yourself than to be needed. I mean its good to be needed, don't get me wrong, you get a sense of fulfillment and a sense of purpose, a sense of helping others. But! When being needed overpowers needing yourself, you start to loose what's most important...you.

Which brings me to the topic of this weeks post. Foundations. Last week was my last session with my therapist because her time with the organization had come to an end. While I was a bit worried about not continuing with another therapist, I also thought that it'd be good to challenge myself and try and take the tools I've learned, and try to depend on me to move forward.

A while back I think I mentioned how when I started to see my therapist I was seeking building stability and a foundation... well she definitely gave me the tools and together we got all the lumber and supplies ready and now the torch has been passed on to me to take control of my life and to start putting that foundation together. I think I've got a pretty solid frame now.

My last session with my therapist put things into perspective for me. I do have to fight for myself, I do have to need myself. So, since then I've been feeling a bit more solid, like I've got something solid to stand on, and this seeped into every aspect of my life.  I feel that I do walk a little taller now.

This kind of brings me to the subject about this boy that I'm seeing. In my last post I wrote about my lack of expectations. The fact that I lack expectations, I think, allows me to be more real and realistic in this situation. This guy is totally different than any other dude I've been before, and this relationship/friendship/whatever has allowed me to be a different person as well... it's allowed me to be more me. Maybe it's the guy, maybe it's the relationship, or maybe it's just me with my new pair of glasses looking at it all with my eyes and no one elses.

I'm not sure this is making sense at all or if this post is even worth reading. But, I guess I feel the need to announce that with a year of therapy I think I'm finally believing in me bit by bit, and I think I'm finally standing taller, inch by inch. If I cant, who will, right?

Hopefully I'll have some juicy goodness for you next week!!! While I make this blog public and post links up every week on fb, I don't mind who reads it.... but when it comes to my mother :) I love her dearly, but she likes to ask a lot of questions... so I'm going to try and not post links up on fb and try and ween her off of my blog :) hahaha

But, for now, things are good with the boy :) We'll leave it at that.

<3