No post this week, sorry ya'll.
Sister got married though!! Congrats to her, the new bro and to love!
<3
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Cupcake Connection
The universe really is quite funny, it has definitely been entertaining me and my silly thoughts lately. I have my doubts about The Secret, but I do also believe in it. Whatever you put out in the universe it comes to you... granted not ALL the time, and maybe not right away, but it comes. I definitely thought that Mr. Hands was a product of The Secret, and I think at the time he really was, but I should've specified age...haha oh man... me and my psycho babble!!
So!! Get this!!! Remember last week when I was talking about Craigslist and finding love on it? No, no, no I did not find love on Craigslist. BUT! Remember that little bit I wrote,
about the missed connections section on there? I like to amuse myself and check it out once in a while, so I checked it out the other day, thus the story begins!!
It's my day off, I'm just hanging out at the crib (hehe), I go on CL to look for jobs... I need to find a new job... STAT!!!!... then I decide to mosey on over to the missed connections section. BAM! There it was, bright as day! The subject line read "Bank Teller on Juniper* (Center City)." The person mentioned the bank name, but I'm not mentioning it on here, I don't want any psychos coming to my place of work...hahaha....flatter me, please. So, I click on it and this is roughly what it said (I'm going by memory because dude took off the post) "I come to deposit my check every 2 weeks and when I stand in line we always smile at each other. I always hope to get you and when I don't I'm bummed. Hope this works!"
Of course I replied!!!! AND! Of course I was secretly hoping dude would be talking about me, and that we'd get togehter, get married, have kids and live a happily romantic life ever after.... haha I know I went a little too far on that one, didn't I?? haha I seriously though just secretly hoped it was me the dude wrote about. OY OY OY!!! So, I reply using this blogs email address and I say "Hey, I work at that branch, maybe I can help you find this gal." Here is how the rest of the emailing conversation went:
BOY - She has brown hair, a light tan, possibly Hispanic? Average height, Average body.
ME - Just to clarify, you are talking about the branch on Juniper and Locust* right?
BOY- yep
ME- Hmmm, well, there aren't any Hispanic women that work there, I could possibly be mistaken to be Hispanic. My name is Sally*, does that ring a bell?
BOY- I work at the cupcake place, my name is Adam*.... haha I hope you don't think this is all weird
ME- I know who you are! Please, I don't think this is weird at all, I'm on there checking it out, if anything we're both weird.
Anyways, so he did post the missed connections about me and we ended up exchanging numbers and texting back and forth. We sent pictures of us to one another to validated even more that we are who we think we are. Cute story hu???
Will there be a future? Absolutely not! This boy, Mr. Cupcake,...baby... is fuckin 20!!!!! And while I don't like to discriminate against age, my most recent experience definitely leads me to believe that uhh age is a big deal! So, while this was a super cute story and what not, it definitely doesn't turn out as I had always dreamed/hoped it would... sigh, another dream shot!! hahaha!
One thing I do want to mention though, is that working at the branch I work at, the men I see are either A.) My age and older, attorneys, accountants la de da...who are already taken and the ones who aren't, aren't that exciting and B.) Super young, hot, art students!!!! It's such a damn fuckin shame!!!! Art students are fuckin' hot and we are on the same fuckin' page!!! WHY!!! WHY!!! haha but hey, there's a reason for everything.... I have yet to find out what it is :)
Anyways, there's my little Cupcake Connection story. Mr. Cupcake has been texting me trying to hang but I've seriously been so busy I've been saying no, which I guess could partially be an advantage for me?? I was honestly thinking though, should I just entertain him and go out with him... maybe get a few make out sessions (we know how much I love them makeout sessions) or should I just drop it... ugh, I should seriously just drop it... I need a MAN! not a baby boy... no offense to Mr. Cupcake! Mr. Cupcake is super super cute! It's just a shame he's so young.....sigh...
Have a wonderful rest of the week lovelies!!! Sorry for the delay!!
<3
*Names changed :)
So!! Get this!!! Remember last week when I was talking about Craigslist and finding love on it? No, no, no I did not find love on Craigslist. BUT! Remember that little bit I wrote,
about the missed connections section on there? I like to amuse myself and check it out once in a while, so I checked it out the other day, thus the story begins!!
It's my day off, I'm just hanging out at the crib (hehe), I go on CL to look for jobs... I need to find a new job... STAT!!!!... then I decide to mosey on over to the missed connections section. BAM! There it was, bright as day! The subject line read "Bank Teller on Juniper* (Center City)." The person mentioned the bank name, but I'm not mentioning it on here, I don't want any psychos coming to my place of work...hahaha....flatter me, please. So, I click on it and this is roughly what it said (I'm going by memory because dude took off the post) "I come to deposit my check every 2 weeks and when I stand in line we always smile at each other. I always hope to get you and when I don't I'm bummed. Hope this works!"
Of course I replied!!!! AND! Of course I was secretly hoping dude would be talking about me, and that we'd get togehter, get married, have kids and live a happily romantic life ever after.... haha I know I went a little too far on that one, didn't I?? haha I seriously though just secretly hoped it was me the dude wrote about. OY OY OY!!! So, I reply using this blogs email address and I say "Hey, I work at that branch, maybe I can help you find this gal." Here is how the rest of the emailing conversation went:
BOY - She has brown hair, a light tan, possibly Hispanic? Average height, Average body.
ME - Just to clarify, you are talking about the branch on Juniper and Locust* right?
BOY- yep
ME- Hmmm, well, there aren't any Hispanic women that work there, I could possibly be mistaken to be Hispanic. My name is Sally*, does that ring a bell?
BOY- I work at the cupcake place, my name is Adam*.... haha I hope you don't think this is all weird
ME- I know who you are! Please, I don't think this is weird at all, I'm on there checking it out, if anything we're both weird.
Anyways, so he did post the missed connections about me and we ended up exchanging numbers and texting back and forth. We sent pictures of us to one another to validated even more that we are who we think we are. Cute story hu???
Will there be a future? Absolutely not! This boy, Mr. Cupcake,...baby... is fuckin 20!!!!! And while I don't like to discriminate against age, my most recent experience definitely leads me to believe that uhh age is a big deal! So, while this was a super cute story and what not, it definitely doesn't turn out as I had always dreamed/hoped it would... sigh, another dream shot!! hahaha!
One thing I do want to mention though, is that working at the branch I work at, the men I see are either A.) My age and older, attorneys, accountants la de da...who are already taken and the ones who aren't, aren't that exciting and B.) Super young, hot, art students!!!! It's such a damn fuckin shame!!!! Art students are fuckin' hot and we are on the same fuckin' page!!! WHY!!! WHY!!! haha but hey, there's a reason for everything.... I have yet to find out what it is :)
Anyways, there's my little Cupcake Connection story. Mr. Cupcake has been texting me trying to hang but I've seriously been so busy I've been saying no, which I guess could partially be an advantage for me?? I was honestly thinking though, should I just entertain him and go out with him... maybe get a few make out sessions (we know how much I love them makeout sessions) or should I just drop it... ugh, I should seriously just drop it... I need a MAN! not a baby boy... no offense to Mr. Cupcake! Mr. Cupcake is super super cute! It's just a shame he's so young.....sigh...
Have a wonderful rest of the week lovelies!!! Sorry for the delay!!
<3
*Names changed :)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Listless
Well, hello hello!
I'm not quite sure how this post is going to turn out! Let's see! I guess there are a couple things I need to touch on!
1. So, I realized something very very interesting and kind of shocking this weekend!
I always write about different dating sites and how they suck and yet I'm still stupidly drawn to them. I annoy myself! This weekend in class I was chatting it up with a classmate of mine and he was telling me how he met his fiance and I was telling him about my blog and la de da. Anyways, you'll never guess how he met his fiance.... he met his fiance the same way a friend of mine met her hubby... it was online... not through a dating site though! Not through Facebook, or Myspace (who uses that anymore?).... it was through a website I normally go to looking for jobs, apts, furniture etc. .... fuckin' Craigslist!
I wonder if I've talked about Craigslist, I might've mentioned how once in a while I check out the missed connections secretly hoping that by some lame ass romantic cupid type of way someone (my future husband, of course) would write about a bank teller that helped him make a deposit (me). Big SIGH! Yep, hopeless romantic I am. UGH!!!!!!!!!! LAME!!!!!!! okay.... anyways!
He met his fiance on Craigslist! My friend in CA met her husband on Craigslist! What is this! How in the?!?!? I mean with all the spamming, pornishness, and psycho killers that goes on there, finding true love on the List is possible?!?!!?! I never really got to talk in depth with my friend about how she landed her hubby on the list, but my classmate was telling me how it worked out really well for him. He said he pretty much posted an ad on there, which reminds me of the marketeer post I wrote 2 weeks ago, he wrote what he was looking for and he got it! I mean, I think he said he went through a few crap ass people but then he met his fiance and BAM! So, naturally, this intrigued me. No, I did not write an ad on the list but I did go and check out what people wrote.
Some dudes were looking for one night stands, some dudes were just lookin to hang out with a girl because they were tired of hanging out with the boys, some dudes were looking for cuddle buddies (haha mmhmm.) This one guy wrote about how he hadn't had a girlfriend in a few years and he was looking to pay someone to pretend to be his girlfriend. To go over to his place and hang out with him while he cooked dinner for her and all she had to do was pretend to be into him and cuddle up and watch a movie on his couch half drunk. Now, if we lived in a trustworthy society I might have actually went for it, but seriously? I wouldn't be able to go over to some complete strangers place, have him cook for me, pour me some wine (and possibly slip a roofie while I wasn't looking) and cuddle with him while he took advantage of me? Hahaha maybe I'm a bit crazy for thinking to far into that! No thank you!!!
Then there were some decent ones that were just looking to meet someone on a serious level. I was semi-tempted to reply to one but the whole thing just felt weird. Why should it though?! I mean, I'm on these lame ass dating sites, only difference is that on C-list there aren't pictures. Maybe seeing pictures make the men seem more real and trustworthy? I don't know, there's a whole psychological thing going on, I'm sure. The thought of posting an ad on there crossed my mind, why wouldn't it? But eh, I don't know if I can. I would run into the same wall of not knowing what to say and possibly sounding like a fake lame ass.
Anyways, it's interesting isn't it?! I think it's really great that people have been able to find love on there, I'm not trying to be negative about it. Props to them! I'm just being pessimistic because I'm loosing faith in all of this. Anyways, it's pretty awesome, a website where I can find my career, find an apt, furnish it, and find a husband what a sweet package deal!
2. So! Since being back and forth on okc I've been messaging with a few dudes, no one really tickled my fancy to want to take it further than messaging with them. BUT!!! GET THIS!!!! I had an old 20Something20st celebrity e-mail me! You would not believe who it was!!!!! Put your 3D glasses on and take a ride with me to the past... haha did ya get the hint??? MR. NERDGASM MESSAGED ME!!!! WAAAH!!!!
He sent me a message saying this:
I remember messaging you back in July but I completely forget if we got anywhere with our conversations...
And since you seem like a super interesting person I decided what the heck I'll message you again! :D
First of all! So, if you remember messaging me back in July, why don't you read the messages and get to the end of them where I turned you down after that agonizing date, and prevent yourself from making a bigger fool of yourself. I'm an ass, I'm being a COMPLETE ass, I'm aware of it, but...really? really?? I'm an ass!!! Oy, I'm an ass! I didn't message him back because... how the fuck do you reply to that? Say something like "Hey, thanks for the message, we did message each other back in July but it didn't work out. Hope all is well! Take care!" Oy! Oy! Oy!....shudder.... sigh.
Oh! and Second of all, if you did read all the messages and saw that I wasn't interested after our date, do you really think I'd be that stupid to somehow forget who you were and accidentally go on another horrendous date with you?
Anyways, I don't remember what else I had to write about. I guess that's that! One interesting topic and one update! Super! I don't know if this post did anything for ya'll... or for me... well it is making me think about personal ads...again.... I really should just let go of it all and forget it all. I'm gonna go back to just accepting that I'm gonna be an old lonely cat lady... not that that's a bad thing, cats are super cool :)
<3
I'm not quite sure how this post is going to turn out! Let's see! I guess there are a couple things I need to touch on!
1. So, I realized something very very interesting and kind of shocking this weekend!
I always write about different dating sites and how they suck and yet I'm still stupidly drawn to them. I annoy myself! This weekend in class I was chatting it up with a classmate of mine and he was telling me how he met his fiance and I was telling him about my blog and la de da. Anyways, you'll never guess how he met his fiance.... he met his fiance the same way a friend of mine met her hubby... it was online... not through a dating site though! Not through Facebook, or Myspace (who uses that anymore?).... it was through a website I normally go to looking for jobs, apts, furniture etc. .... fuckin' Craigslist!
I wonder if I've talked about Craigslist, I might've mentioned how once in a while I check out the missed connections secretly hoping that by some lame ass romantic cupid type of way someone (my future husband, of course) would write about a bank teller that helped him make a deposit (me). Big SIGH! Yep, hopeless romantic I am. UGH!!!!!!!!!! LAME!!!!!!! okay.... anyways!
He met his fiance on Craigslist! My friend in CA met her husband on Craigslist! What is this! How in the?!?!? I mean with all the spamming, pornishness, and psycho killers that goes on there, finding true love on the List is possible?!?!!?! I never really got to talk in depth with my friend about how she landed her hubby on the list, but my classmate was telling me how it worked out really well for him. He said he pretty much posted an ad on there, which reminds me of the marketeer post I wrote 2 weeks ago, he wrote what he was looking for and he got it! I mean, I think he said he went through a few crap ass people but then he met his fiance and BAM! So, naturally, this intrigued me. No, I did not write an ad on the list but I did go and check out what people wrote.
Some dudes were looking for one night stands, some dudes were just lookin to hang out with a girl because they were tired of hanging out with the boys, some dudes were looking for cuddle buddies (haha mmhmm.) This one guy wrote about how he hadn't had a girlfriend in a few years and he was looking to pay someone to pretend to be his girlfriend. To go over to his place and hang out with him while he cooked dinner for her and all she had to do was pretend to be into him and cuddle up and watch a movie on his couch half drunk. Now, if we lived in a trustworthy society I might have actually went for it, but seriously? I wouldn't be able to go over to some complete strangers place, have him cook for me, pour me some wine (and possibly slip a roofie while I wasn't looking) and cuddle with him while he took advantage of me? Hahaha maybe I'm a bit crazy for thinking to far into that! No thank you!!!
Then there were some decent ones that were just looking to meet someone on a serious level. I was semi-tempted to reply to one but the whole thing just felt weird. Why should it though?! I mean, I'm on these lame ass dating sites, only difference is that on C-list there aren't pictures. Maybe seeing pictures make the men seem more real and trustworthy? I don't know, there's a whole psychological thing going on, I'm sure. The thought of posting an ad on there crossed my mind, why wouldn't it? But eh, I don't know if I can. I would run into the same wall of not knowing what to say and possibly sounding like a fake lame ass.
Anyways, it's interesting isn't it?! I think it's really great that people have been able to find love on there, I'm not trying to be negative about it. Props to them! I'm just being pessimistic because I'm loosing faith in all of this. Anyways, it's pretty awesome, a website where I can find my career, find an apt, furnish it, and find a husband what a sweet package deal!
2. So! Since being back and forth on okc I've been messaging with a few dudes, no one really tickled my fancy to want to take it further than messaging with them. BUT!!! GET THIS!!!! I had an old 20Something20st celebrity e-mail me! You would not believe who it was!!!!! Put your 3D glasses on and take a ride with me to the past... haha did ya get the hint??? MR. NERDGASM MESSAGED ME!!!! WAAAH!!!!
He sent me a message saying this:
I remember messaging you back in July but I completely forget if we got anywhere with our conversations...
And since you seem like a super interesting person I decided what the heck I'll message you again! :D
First of all! So, if you remember messaging me back in July, why don't you read the messages and get to the end of them where I turned you down after that agonizing date, and prevent yourself from making a bigger fool of yourself. I'm an ass, I'm being a COMPLETE ass, I'm aware of it, but...really? really?? I'm an ass!!! Oy, I'm an ass! I didn't message him back because... how the fuck do you reply to that? Say something like "Hey, thanks for the message, we did message each other back in July but it didn't work out. Hope all is well! Take care!" Oy! Oy! Oy!....shudder.... sigh.
Oh! and Second of all, if you did read all the messages and saw that I wasn't interested after our date, do you really think I'd be that stupid to somehow forget who you were and accidentally go on another horrendous date with you?
Anyways, I don't remember what else I had to write about. I guess that's that! One interesting topic and one update! Super! I don't know if this post did anything for ya'll... or for me... well it is making me think about personal ads...again.... I really should just let go of it all and forget it all. I'm gonna go back to just accepting that I'm gonna be an old lonely cat lady... not that that's a bad thing, cats are super cool :)
<3
Sunday, March 6, 2011
I'm Blue!
Hello Hello fellow readers!
I hope this wonderful month of March is treating you well so far!! We are getting closer to summer ya'll!!!! How exciting!!!!!
So! A few insightful things went on this week! Oh wait! I should mention that I did a guest blog post over at my lovely Blogger friends page!! Ramblings is super awesome, her blog consists of guest blogs and her take on the weeks topic. This weeks topic was "Are you afraid of being alone?" and surprisingly my post was a positive one, I wrote about finally being on my own and la de da! Now looking back on it, it's kinda surprising how it's so positive about being alone, when in my head I'm like "WHY!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!"
Alright, back to the insightfulness of this week!
1. This week started out a bit rough, then was cool, then went back to being rough then back to cool... haha... The rough patches were a cause of 2 totally different things, I'm only going to talk about one of them, the other one can suck it!! :)
So, ironically, at the beginning of this week I was feeling sooooo lonely.. blah blah blah...cue violin.. blah blah...I met with my lovely therapist, who I'd like to give a name to, haven't figured it out yet..... and we were talking (obviously) and I went on to saying how I just feel like no one wants to love me sometimes, well not that... that the boys I've been with didn't love/like me enough to want to be with me, and how it feels like I'm doing something wrong and its all my fault and blah blah... super lame, I know! But I think it's safe to say that a lot of us single ladies (and men!) out there feel this from time to time, right? So, if you're a single lady/lad get this! Are you ready!!!?!?! (this might not be new to you and I might be riding the slow train here, but get this!) She tells me that maybe that wasn't the case, maybe they just didn't love/like me the way I needed to be.
Interesting hu? Y'know, this whole exploration thing is about me finding me and me taking care of me and me putting me first.... exploring areas and parts of me I seemed to have neglected the past 28yrs! So, this was a big deal for me to hear. I wasn't being loved/liked the way I NEEDED to be. We all have wants and needs, I know what my wants are (a pasta machine, every bakery supply imaginable, a cat, a couch, a man)... but I guess I never really took time to think about my needs. What are my needs? And! I never thought about failed relationships that way! Failed relationships aren't anyone's fault really, needs just weren't being met! I guess this is something that maybe if I thought about I'd know and see, but I'm too wrapped up in my bullshit that I don't think clearly about it all :)
2. I'm the color blue!!! Yes I am!!! I'm a sucker for personality tests and what not. This one that I took the other day totally got me spot on!!! Another insightful thing!!!! After I ended things with, I'll call him, Mr. Hands, I deactivated my okc account, then I reactivated it and got all angry that it fuckin sucks and that it's stupid and no one interesting is on it! So, I decided to go back to my roots....haha, so to speak...haha.... I went and checked out my very old, lovely JDate account (shhh! don't tell my mother, even though her jewish-mother-radar probably picked that up, she knows now doesn't she? god dammit!). Nothing interesting going on there, same shit except I gotta pay to view the 10391830912832 emails in my inbox, who flirted with me and who sent me an E-card (woooaa!!!!).
One thing I noticed that caught my eye, that was new!!!, was this personality test! What color are you!?! Blue? Red? Yellow? White?! HOW EXCITING!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to know what my color was ASAP! So I took this short and confusing at first, test. It focused on your childhood, things you would've done, how you would've reacted to certain situations, characteristics of you when you were a child! This was kind of hard, because we (or maybe just I) have skewed perceptions of ourselves when we were kids, how do we know WHO we really were as kids aside from what others told us. Anyways I filled it out best I could, it took maybe 10min, not long at all.
I'm 40% Blue, 35% White, and 25% Yellow. No red what so ever, but I guess that makes sense because after skimming through what each color is, red seems to be more controlling and I'm definitely not that, but I can think of some people who are :) Here is a quick rundown of these colors taken off of a JDate page:
And! I just realized! To bring this back full full circle 360 fuckin degrees! When I was with my therapist talking about all that ish and bringing up Mr. Hands, I was saying how I wish I had a deeper connection with him, how I wanted to know more, how things with him seemed to be just on the surface.... IT'S BECAUSE I'M A BLUE!!!!!!! and!!! My needs weren't being met! A Blue needs intimacy! A Blue needs a deeper connection!! Like the deep blue sea! BAM! I'm done! woo!! See all that work I did there? See that?
<3
I hope this wonderful month of March is treating you well so far!! We are getting closer to summer ya'll!!!! How exciting!!!!!
So! A few insightful things went on this week! Oh wait! I should mention that I did a guest blog post over at my lovely Blogger friends page!! Ramblings is super awesome, her blog consists of guest blogs and her take on the weeks topic. This weeks topic was "Are you afraid of being alone?" and surprisingly my post was a positive one, I wrote about finally being on my own and la de da! Now looking back on it, it's kinda surprising how it's so positive about being alone, when in my head I'm like "WHY!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!"
Alright, back to the insightfulness of this week!
1. This week started out a bit rough, then was cool, then went back to being rough then back to cool... haha... The rough patches were a cause of 2 totally different things, I'm only going to talk about one of them, the other one can suck it!! :)
So, ironically, at the beginning of this week I was feeling sooooo lonely.. blah blah blah...cue violin.. blah blah...I met with my lovely therapist, who I'd like to give a name to, haven't figured it out yet..... and we were talking (obviously) and I went on to saying how I just feel like no one wants to love me sometimes, well not that... that the boys I've been with didn't love/like me enough to want to be with me, and how it feels like I'm doing something wrong and its all my fault and blah blah... super lame, I know! But I think it's safe to say that a lot of us single ladies (and men!) out there feel this from time to time, right? So, if you're a single lady/lad get this! Are you ready!!!?!?! (this might not be new to you and I might be riding the slow train here, but get this!) She tells me that maybe that wasn't the case, maybe they just didn't love/like me the way I needed to be.
Interesting hu? Y'know, this whole exploration thing is about me finding me and me taking care of me and me putting me first.... exploring areas and parts of me I seemed to have neglected the past 28yrs! So, this was a big deal for me to hear. I wasn't being loved/liked the way I NEEDED to be. We all have wants and needs, I know what my wants are (a pasta machine, every bakery supply imaginable, a cat, a couch, a man)... but I guess I never really took time to think about my needs. What are my needs? And! I never thought about failed relationships that way! Failed relationships aren't anyone's fault really, needs just weren't being met! I guess this is something that maybe if I thought about I'd know and see, but I'm too wrapped up in my bullshit that I don't think clearly about it all :)
2. I'm the color blue!!! Yes I am!!! I'm a sucker for personality tests and what not. This one that I took the other day totally got me spot on!!! Another insightful thing!!!! After I ended things with, I'll call him, Mr. Hands, I deactivated my okc account, then I reactivated it and got all angry that it fuckin sucks and that it's stupid and no one interesting is on it! So, I decided to go back to my roots....haha, so to speak...haha.... I went and checked out my very old, lovely JDate account (shhh! don't tell my mother, even though her jewish-mother-radar probably picked that up, she knows now doesn't she? god dammit!). Nothing interesting going on there, same shit except I gotta pay to view the 10391830912832 emails in my inbox, who flirted with me and who sent me an E-card (woooaa!!!!).
One thing I noticed that caught my eye, that was new!!!, was this personality test! What color are you!?! Blue? Red? Yellow? White?! HOW EXCITING!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to know what my color was ASAP! So I took this short and confusing at first, test. It focused on your childhood, things you would've done, how you would've reacted to certain situations, characteristics of you when you were a child! This was kind of hard, because we (or maybe just I) have skewed perceptions of ourselves when we were kids, how do we know WHO we really were as kids aside from what others told us. Anyways I filled it out best I could, it took maybe 10min, not long at all.
I'm 40% Blue, 35% White, and 25% Yellow. No red what so ever, but I guess that makes sense because after skimming through what each color is, red seems to be more controlling and I'm definitely not that, but I can think of some people who are :) Here is a quick rundown of these colors taken off of a JDate page:
- RED (The Power-Wielders): Core Motive = Power, or the ability to move from "a" to "b" as efficiently as possible
- BLUE (The Do-Gooders): Core Motive = Intimacy, this doesn't mean sex, but the need to connect, share feelings, and build relationships with others
- WHITE (The Peacekeepers): Core Motive = Peace, or calm even in the midst of conflict; clarity in the midst of confusion
- YELLOW (The Fun-Lovers): Core Motive = Fun, or always enjoying the moment
And! I just realized! To bring this back full full circle 360 fuckin degrees! When I was with my therapist talking about all that ish and bringing up Mr. Hands, I was saying how I wish I had a deeper connection with him, how I wanted to know more, how things with him seemed to be just on the surface.... IT'S BECAUSE I'M A BLUE!!!!!!! and!!! My needs weren't being met! A Blue needs intimacy! A Blue needs a deeper connection!! Like the deep blue sea! BAM! I'm done! woo!! See all that work I did there? See that?
<3
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Marketeer
I feel like in a sense, we are all marketeers. We market ourselves so often, if not everyday at least once a week. Whether it be at work, at school, in an interview etc. we market ourselves constantly. Is it because we are surrounded by commercials and ads? Was it like this 50 yrs ago.... I think so, maybe not as intense. Anyways, what about the dating world? Self-Marketing is freaking HIGH in the dating world. Look at all the dating websites, we are sitting there fucking marketing ourselves. We create a profile and try to think of great things to say about ourselves, to sell ourselves to complete strangers (how crazy is that?!)!
I'm sure a lot of us try to remain as true to who we are as possible, but the marketing just seeps through words, in between words, in sentences the beginning, the end, every punctuation. Anyways, so, we create these ads on these sites, we look through them and see which ones we like, ignore the ones we don't and if we're lucky enough we find a match. Once we find a match, we chat it up, and go on a date...then another date, and another, and possibly another (or maybe it stopped after the first one).
When does marketing stop? When can I or you feel confident and comfortable enough to be real? I don't know if I'm making my point, or any point for that matter. I feel like this is a pretty important thing to think about though. Today's society is full of knowledge, quick meaningless knowledge of who's doing what, where they're located, how they feel... words become lost and weightless. So, when you begin a relationship with someone, are they filling you in on who they are in 140 characters or less, are they just updating their status with you?
I'm not saying all dating encounters are meaningless and that everyone markets themselves, I'm sure there are real people/interactions/feelings involved. No one is perfect though. I try to be as real as possible but I honestly catch myself reading my ad and wishing it didn't sound so lame, so fake. I don't know, this whole thing confuses me, I never know which way to approach it. Aside from the online ad, I definitely do stay true to who I am and what my feelings are when I'm seeing someone and dating them. I like to think that the other person is too.
When I look back to dates and past boys I've been with, aside from my very first serious relationship, I feel like most of them were all marketing themselves. Maybe I shouldn't be so pessimistic, I'm sure they can say some negative shit about me too. Maybe it's because I'm so deep in this hunt this search for the perfect dude that I feel everyone but him won't be completely genuine. I must say though, times have definitely changed, when I started dating the first serious relationship dude, it was way back in 2002... Facebook didn't even exist then, so the marketing mentality,way of life, wasn't as prevalent as it is now.
So, tell me, how can we start to stray away from this?
<3
I'm sure a lot of us try to remain as true to who we are as possible, but the marketing just seeps through words, in between words, in sentences the beginning, the end, every punctuation. Anyways, so, we create these ads on these sites, we look through them and see which ones we like, ignore the ones we don't and if we're lucky enough we find a match. Once we find a match, we chat it up, and go on a date...then another date, and another, and possibly another (or maybe it stopped after the first one).
When does marketing stop? When can I or you feel confident and comfortable enough to be real? I don't know if I'm making my point, or any point for that matter. I feel like this is a pretty important thing to think about though. Today's society is full of knowledge, quick meaningless knowledge of who's doing what, where they're located, how they feel... words become lost and weightless. So, when you begin a relationship with someone, are they filling you in on who they are in 140 characters or less, are they just updating their status with you?
I'm not saying all dating encounters are meaningless and that everyone markets themselves, I'm sure there are real people/interactions/feelings involved. No one is perfect though. I try to be as real as possible but I honestly catch myself reading my ad and wishing it didn't sound so lame, so fake. I don't know, this whole thing confuses me, I never know which way to approach it. Aside from the online ad, I definitely do stay true to who I am and what my feelings are when I'm seeing someone and dating them. I like to think that the other person is too.
When I look back to dates and past boys I've been with, aside from my very first serious relationship, I feel like most of them were all marketing themselves. Maybe I shouldn't be so pessimistic, I'm sure they can say some negative shit about me too. Maybe it's because I'm so deep in this hunt this search for the perfect dude that I feel everyone but him won't be completely genuine. I must say though, times have definitely changed, when I started dating the first serious relationship dude, it was way back in 2002... Facebook didn't even exist then, so the marketing mentality,way of life, wasn't as prevalent as it is now.
So, tell me, how can we start to stray away from this?
<3
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Superwoman!!!!!!!!.....possibly...
Okay, so the post-Vday, wallow in self pity, depressed hump is over.... I think..... ::looks around::.....
Sigh...
So this week went by super fuckin' fast... probably because I really didn't have anything to look forward to, hahaha (okay self-pity part is definitely NOT over hahahaha). Throughout the week I noticed myself go through the mourning steps (mentioned in this post) but I would go through all the steps in one day, be rockin the next, then go back to going through all the steps the next day. It's quite annoying, and pretty fuckin' lame too considering I only "dated" this dude for 2 months.... and considering this is probably only one sided ( <--- me being bitter :)) (omg, I'm a fuckin mess...hahaha)
Today, Sunday, is the one day I have off to myself. I woke up early with the sun shining in my room, really nice and beautiful! This week I had been looking forward to going to the Italian Market (5 min walk from my apt!! eeee!!!) today. So, I wake up, I want to go then I get sucked into a 5 min pity party.
Here's my deal people. I'm a romantic, I'm a lame ass romantic. While I like being a strong, independent woman (or so I'd like to think), I'm a fuckin' romantic dreamer that falls weak to men and ideas and dreams I have about being with one. I was super excited about going to the Italian Market, then the 5 min self pity party came about because of course I went on thinking how wonderful it'd be if I had my man, my non-existent man, go with me! Walking on this lovely Sunday morning, enjoying the sites, sounds and smells the Italian Market has to offer, coming home, unpacking all the groceries and setting up a lovely Sunday Brunch. Doesn't that sound so lovely and dreamy?
Then I tried to pep talk myself into being a Superwoman!! hahaha or something to that effect. In my head I went on to calming myself down and talking frankly to myself, it went something like this:
"Listen girl, you have got to come to terms with the fact that you're single, and you could very well possibly be single for the rest of your life. You need to learn how to be okay with doing these things on your own. If you can't have a romantic, lovely Sunday morning with a non-existent man, have one with yourself! You can't stay cooped up in your apartment all the time. While you find comfort in being alone in your home, you have to learn to find comfort in going out and enjoying what the world has to offer, alone."
I think you get the gist of it all. While it took me like 10 min of pep talking and finding motivation to go, I finally did. It was nice, and I tried to be as positive as possible. I bought some yummy fruits, veggies, cheese and pots! I came home and prepared a nice little brunch for myself, tomatoes, dry ricotta cheese, and roasted peppers (I stupidly forgot to buy basil). It was a lovely looking brunch and I kept on trying to remind myself to enjoy it and love it and enjoy myself. It was nice, it was relaxing, but I didn't get that sense of self-fulfillment, the sense of empowerment... the sense of Super-single-Woman!! I guess it takes time to get there? Who knows.
Hopefully, this years new goal of mine will be fulfilled. What is it you ask? Find the sense of self-fulfillment and self-empowerment and be a Super-single-Woman!!!! Now that I have Sundays 100% completely to myself (for now??), I'm going to try and remember to go and do one thing by myself so I can slowly learn to be okay being alone. Wow, I have this sudden urge to go get myself a cat next week.... single, crazy, cat lady...here I (be)come!
<3
Sigh...
So this week went by super fuckin' fast... probably because I really didn't have anything to look forward to, hahaha (okay self-pity part is definitely NOT over hahahaha). Throughout the week I noticed myself go through the mourning steps (mentioned in this post) but I would go through all the steps in one day, be rockin the next, then go back to going through all the steps the next day. It's quite annoying, and pretty fuckin' lame too considering I only "dated" this dude for 2 months.... and considering this is probably only one sided ( <--- me being bitter :)) (omg, I'm a fuckin mess...hahaha)
Today, Sunday, is the one day I have off to myself. I woke up early with the sun shining in my room, really nice and beautiful! This week I had been looking forward to going to the Italian Market (5 min walk from my apt!! eeee!!!) today. So, I wake up, I want to go then I get sucked into a 5 min pity party.
Here's my deal people. I'm a romantic, I'm a lame ass romantic. While I like being a strong, independent woman (or so I'd like to think), I'm a fuckin' romantic dreamer that falls weak to men and ideas and dreams I have about being with one. I was super excited about going to the Italian Market, then the 5 min self pity party came about because of course I went on thinking how wonderful it'd be if I had my man, my non-existent man, go with me! Walking on this lovely Sunday morning, enjoying the sites, sounds and smells the Italian Market has to offer, coming home, unpacking all the groceries and setting up a lovely Sunday Brunch. Doesn't that sound so lovely and dreamy?
Then I tried to pep talk myself into being a Superwoman!! hahaha or something to that effect. In my head I went on to calming myself down and talking frankly to myself, it went something like this:
"Listen girl, you have got to come to terms with the fact that you're single, and you could very well possibly be single for the rest of your life. You need to learn how to be okay with doing these things on your own. If you can't have a romantic, lovely Sunday morning with a non-existent man, have one with yourself! You can't stay cooped up in your apartment all the time. While you find comfort in being alone in your home, you have to learn to find comfort in going out and enjoying what the world has to offer, alone."
I think you get the gist of it all. While it took me like 10 min of pep talking and finding motivation to go, I finally did. It was nice, and I tried to be as positive as possible. I bought some yummy fruits, veggies, cheese and pots! I came home and prepared a nice little brunch for myself, tomatoes, dry ricotta cheese, and roasted peppers (I stupidly forgot to buy basil). It was a lovely looking brunch and I kept on trying to remind myself to enjoy it and love it and enjoy myself. It was nice, it was relaxing, but I didn't get that sense of self-fulfillment, the sense of empowerment... the sense of Super-single-Woman!! I guess it takes time to get there? Who knows.
Hopefully, this years new goal of mine will be fulfilled. What is it you ask? Find the sense of self-fulfillment and self-empowerment and be a Super-single-Woman!!!! Now that I have Sundays 100% completely to myself (for now??), I'm going to try and remember to go and do one thing by myself so I can slowly learn to be okay being alone. Wow, I have this sudden urge to go get myself a cat next week.... single, crazy, cat lady...here I (be)come!
<3
Monday, February 14, 2011
A Valentine Special!
Well, hello hello Valentines Day!
So, I have a choice to be bitter and say "fuck Valentines Day" or I can lie and say "Valentines day is whatever, its a commercial holiday I don't need it." I could lie again and say "Valentines Day is great, spreading the love to everyone out there" whatever, there are a million things I could say. I'm going to go ahead and try and make this post as positive as possible, here's my big challenge of the day!
I do tell people that Valentines day really means nothing and its just a commercial holiday and blah blah blah blah blah, but really deep deep down inside, Valentines Day does rock...only if I have a significant other... it could also be a whatever holiday just passing by too because I wouldn't really need this day to validate my feelings for whoever I'm with. When I'm single, and bitter about it... I'm going to go ahead and be bitter about this day.
Two weeks ago I wrote about this boy I was seeing and how happy I was and how awesome he was/is... he's still super cool.... We spent a wonderful, cold, windy day at the beach yesterday.... then he went home, and then I ended it. Part of me regrets it because I did/do have strong feelings for him.... but here is where I look at myself and realize that I really am making smart adult decisions.
I never would of thought of this decision being an "adult" decision until my friend was telling me how adult of me it was. I was kind of confused by it, but it really was adult of me. I actually put my head before my heart, which is something big for me. If I listened to my heart I would've been like "shut the fuck up head, I'm having an awesome time with this awesome guy" but, my head kept on muttering "but you're not getting what you want out of this girl, yeah you're happy, but happiness can only go so far."
I don't know if I'm making any sense here. The point is, is that it really is important to listen to your head as opposed to your heart. I've listened to my heart so many times and ended up in the exact place my head said I would, in heartache. I'm tired of wasting time hoping for things to change and giving dudes the benefit of the doubt, I'm tired of putting myself second. So, I grabbed my balls and finally put my needs first. I hate it, but I fucking did it. Am I happy about it now? Of course not, especially on this fuckin fucking day.... I'm sure I'll be fine in a couple days, maybe a week or so? I dunno!
Anyways, my co-worker put it best, if it's meant to be it's meant to be... la de da. I have a pretty good feeling that it wasn't meant to be, my spidey senses tell me so.
I don't think I'm doing a good job being positive... so lets really try it.
Good side of all this.... I can be proud of myself for putting myself first!! Woohoo!!! I can be proud of myself for being smart about this!! Woohoo!!! I can be proud of myself for giving this relationshipless relationship thing a shot!! Woohoo!!! I can be proud of myself for just being me! I can be proud of myself for being a single 20somethin in the crazy 21st.... taking on each challenge that's thrown my way! Bring it!!!!!
So, I'm definitely going to go back to deactivating my okcupid account and lay low for a bit... I get too excited too fast. I remember thinking that The Secret worked its magic and brought me this wonderful boy... I did believe it, but the timing wasn't right....I like to dream a little too much.
Note to self: No more dreaming from now on... no more dreaming...no more dreaming...no more dreaming.
For real though, all of you enjoying this day... Happy Valentines Day....and for all of us singletons out there, lets make this day go by fast :)
<3
So, I have a choice to be bitter and say "fuck Valentines Day" or I can lie and say "Valentines day is whatever, its a commercial holiday I don't need it." I could lie again and say "Valentines Day is great, spreading the love to everyone out there" whatever, there are a million things I could say. I'm going to go ahead and try and make this post as positive as possible, here's my big challenge of the day!
I do tell people that Valentines day really means nothing and its just a commercial holiday and blah blah blah blah blah, but really deep deep down inside, Valentines Day does rock...only if I have a significant other... it could also be a whatever holiday just passing by too because I wouldn't really need this day to validate my feelings for whoever I'm with. When I'm single, and bitter about it... I'm going to go ahead and be bitter about this day.
Two weeks ago I wrote about this boy I was seeing and how happy I was and how awesome he was/is... he's still super cool.... We spent a wonderful, cold, windy day at the beach yesterday.... then he went home, and then I ended it. Part of me regrets it because I did/do have strong feelings for him.... but here is where I look at myself and realize that I really am making smart adult decisions.
I never would of thought of this decision being an "adult" decision until my friend was telling me how adult of me it was. I was kind of confused by it, but it really was adult of me. I actually put my head before my heart, which is something big for me. If I listened to my heart I would've been like "shut the fuck up head, I'm having an awesome time with this awesome guy" but, my head kept on muttering "but you're not getting what you want out of this girl, yeah you're happy, but happiness can only go so far."
I don't know if I'm making any sense here. The point is, is that it really is important to listen to your head as opposed to your heart. I've listened to my heart so many times and ended up in the exact place my head said I would, in heartache. I'm tired of wasting time hoping for things to change and giving dudes the benefit of the doubt, I'm tired of putting myself second. So, I grabbed my balls and finally put my needs first. I hate it, but I fucking did it. Am I happy about it now? Of course not, especially on this fuckin fucking day.... I'm sure I'll be fine in a couple days, maybe a week or so? I dunno!
Anyways, my co-worker put it best, if it's meant to be it's meant to be... la de da. I have a pretty good feeling that it wasn't meant to be, my spidey senses tell me so.
I don't think I'm doing a good job being positive... so lets really try it.
Good side of all this.... I can be proud of myself for putting myself first!! Woohoo!!! I can be proud of myself for being smart about this!! Woohoo!!! I can be proud of myself for giving this relationshipless relationship thing a shot!! Woohoo!!! I can be proud of myself for just being me! I can be proud of myself for being a single 20somethin in the crazy 21st.... taking on each challenge that's thrown my way! Bring it!!!!!
So, I'm definitely going to go back to deactivating my okcupid account and lay low for a bit... I get too excited too fast. I remember thinking that The Secret worked its magic and brought me this wonderful boy... I did believe it, but the timing wasn't right....I like to dream a little too much.
Note to self: No more dreaming from now on... no more dreaming...no more dreaming...no more dreaming.
For real though, all of you enjoying this day... Happy Valentines Day....and for all of us singletons out there, lets make this day go by fast :)
<3
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