Break-ups

So, I am part of 20sb is a great networking place for 20 something bloggers (20sb) to get together, network, receive feedback and make friends :) It's pretty cool! On the main page there's this section with discussion topics going on. Last week a friendly blogger posted a discussion "How do women get over a break-up?" Interesting, hu? A dude posted this discussion.

He started it off like this:

I'm pretty sure men just have sex with anything and everything the minute they get broken up with. But I highly doubt it's the same for women. Unless it is, I don't know.

What do you think?

(this was written by The Titan Project)

There was a number of responses to this discussion... it's been going on for about a week.

98% of the responses were from women, of course. There was one response from another dude and a reply from the author of the discussion.

Anyways, most of the gals had the same responses....some of them were stereotypical responses that were to be expected.

- I cry my eyes out and eat ice cream
- I watch chick flicks
- I listen to empowering girl music
- I hang out with my girlfriends
- I too fuck anything and everything
- I make myself busy
- I delete the ex from any and every social networking site

I cringed at the stereotypical responses, the ones like eating ice cream, and watching chick flicks. OY! I know I'm guilty of doing similar things.

So, I knew I wanted to respond to this discussion but I wasn't sure how to. Then I thought long and hard about it and came to this conclusion. Here was my response:

well.. thinking about my most recent break up... it was kinda of like a mourning period... u know those 6 steps of mourning some1s death.. i feel like thats what went on with me...

1. The first month after the break-up he and I were both in denial about it... and trying to give each other hope for the future "we just need to grow individually and maybe next year it'll work" LAME!! I know!!!
2. depression period
3. The "I DON'T NEED YOU I'M BETTER THAN YOU!!!" period (which entails deleting boy from everything :) ) Having a bajillion crushes!
4. ANGER ANGER ANGER (incorporated with a bunch of internet stalking)
5. Well.. i have yet to get there.. but i've gone through this before so! step 5 is probably the coming back to reality and being okay with urself and being alone...slowly coming back and regaining some normalcy
6. WOOHOO!!!! NEW BOY IN LIFE!!!!!... and hoping and praying not to go through this all over again :)

Of course everyone goes through their own thing and deal with break-ups differently, but I think that if we all really look closely at our break-ups I truly believe that there is some sort of process that we go through, similar to the one I wrote above.

Now, with men.... sigh.... I really do hate how this guy started the discussion because I hate the fact that that's how most men deal with it. He basically put men and women in 2 different categories when really all men and all women don't react in those 2 separate ways. I've talked to dudes, some have said that men are more emotional and weaker than women, that it does take longer for them to get over a break-up than it does for women. But I've also seen men have the ability to jump from one relationship to the next...relationship hoping if you will :) Maybe men are just better at hiding their feelings, and its easier for them to sweep the emotional shit under the rug?

The one dude that came up with an actual response to this discussion wrote a semi-good response. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. He, too, sort of categorized men and women in their own stereotypical groups. I do sort of like how he wrote this excerpt, but I don't at the same time....

Best way to view a relationship is to compare it to a paycheck: if you feel like you are expending too much of your time & energy for the chump change you receive in return, then you will quit your job and find another. If you feel like you are earning as much as you deserve, then you'll stick around & see what happens. And if the money is just rolling in, then you are gonna make damn sure you do everything you can to keep your job--even if it means working overtime.

(This was written by Audience of One)

I mean he does make a good point about the idea of give and take and having an equal balance there... but at the same time I definitely do not like how it sort of made relationships sound sterile and not wholesome.

I guess that whole "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" idea makes sense.

In any case, I would love to have a better truer response from a male... because I refuse to believe that fucking anything and everything is the cure to a males side of a break-up.... I refuse!!! Maybe it's also because I'm in denial, because I honestly do believe that that's all men care about. I know, not all men are like that... I guess I just haven't met the right one yet ;)



What are your thoughts, dear readers?

<3