Chivalry

This topic has sort of presented itself to me three times this week, so I figured I might as well write about it....right?

A new term started for me in school and I'm forced to take this pointless Etiquette class.... yes, I have to learn etiquette.... I mean, maybe 75% of the kids in my class definitely NEED this class, but me?? nah, I think I've got it down, I was one of the 25% that didn't interrupt my teacher :) hahaha..

Anyways!! The topic of Chivalry was talked about in this class. Chivalry. What is it? Does it still exist? Is it dead? Why is it dead? 

Chivalry |ˈ sh ivəlrē|
noun
the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral, and social code.
• historical knights, noblemen, and horsemen collectively : I fought against the cream of French chivalry.
• the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, esp. courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.
• courteous behavior, esp. that of a man toward women : their relations with women were models of chivalry and restraint 
(taken from the mac dictionary)

See that highlighted portion, this is what I'm talking about.  So we talked about this in class, what it means to be chivalrous and if men still do chivalrous things and what not. Do men still hold doors for women? Do men still walk on the street side of the sidewalk? Do men stand up at a dinner table when a woman leaves to go to the ladies room?

Some dudes in my class said they did some of these things, well... most said they hold doors, and one or two said they stood up at a table. So, chivalry is definitely dying. Why is that?

We have become a more lax society perhaps? We aren't as courteous as we used to be. Society as a whole has definitely dumbed down etiquette wise. We did talk a bit about woman's lib. and how that has impacted this chivalry thing. While woman's lib is awesome, there are the extremes that helped in the dying of chivalry. We women don't need men to do certain things for us, we are just as strong and just as independent. See in the definition of chivalry  "a readiness to help the weak" nope nope nope, we are not weak! We don't need you!!!!! We take offense to these actions of chivalry!!!

Here's my take on this whole chivalry thing. I think its silly, and sweet. I consider myself to be a strong independent woman, and part of me cringes when women fall weak to men and have them do silly things. Yes, there are certain things that men do better than women and vice versa, but it doesn't mean neither of us could at least TRY. So, while chivalry is silly, it's also super sweet. Holding doors for me is nice, I always get all silly about it because in my head I think to myself "woa, I'm being treated like... like... like a LADY!!" The standing up for me when I go to the bathroom would be too too much for me!! The sidewalk thing? ha! My ex used to adamantly refuse that I walk on the street side of the sidewalk. I would always laugh at him and try and weasel my way around him to the street side, because to me, it was silly. Now that I think back on it, I was probably fucking up his sense of manhood, taking pride in protecting his girl.

So, there is one side of how I feel about chivalry, and this next side could possibly be just a personal problem.... it probably is. Because in today's society things are so lax, and men don't try as hard with the chivalrous things to show the woman how they feel, that when it DOES happen, I right away think its ingenuous. It isn't genuine. I think, this dude is just doing this to get in my pants, because really, ultimately he is. Is he doing it just to do it, is he doing it for me? Or is this just his idea of being able to sweet talk a girl and coerce her into his bed? I probably just have trust issues... haha.

Another way this chivalrous thing presented itself is when I was talking with someone about love and expectations and wants of the significant other, chivalry wasn't really mentioned but I think this goes along with it. Wanting a man to jump through hoops, walk through fire, catch a grenade for you, all acts of chivalry. This want this need for a man to just fucking do it, fucking go all in 100% and fight to be with you. Does that exist? Now that I think of it too, are these ideas in our minds because of the media? Did they ever exist? We sit around and watch these chick flicks and we are being conditioned to think that if a man doesn't do these things then it's not REAL, he doesn't really want to be with you. Are these tests, ideals, and ideas we should live by?

While I tend to fall for those ideas, I try to stay grounded and realistic and say that it's all bullshit and all these ideas are just fucking ideas and that love will present itself in any way, shape, or form.  My man shouldn't have to jump through hoops or walk through fire or catch a grenade for me.

Then the song came on while I was in my car (the idea of chivalry presented itself again), and my grounded thoughts flew out the window. I guess it always seems that I'm the one who'd catch a grenade for them.... I guess what I'm waiting for is for the roles to be reversed.








Happy Valentines Day

<3

Lists

So, today I opened up my moleskin weekly planner thing. It's kinda fat, stuffed with papers and what not.... some of the papers are little things I kept as memorabilia, for example little things from my trip to New Orleans over the summer and a few pieces of trash like receipts here and there.

I have about 12 little squares of paper that were about to fall out.... along with a list...

What do these special pieces of paper entail?

Qualities and characteristics of what I want in a relationship and in a significant other.

How many of us created lists like these? go ahead, you can raise your hand... mine is raised pretty high!

So, I'm pretty sure I mentioned that I see a therapist...she gave me 2 assignments, one was to write a list of things I want in a man and the other was to write, on little cards, things I want in a relationship.

That wasn't the first time I created a list like that. A little under a year ago, after the breakup with my most recent ex, I decided it'd be a good idea to write that list. In the back of my mind I was hoping that the power of The Secret would work it's magic.... alas it did not.

Anyways I thought I'd share with you this list and the lovely things I want in a relationship... they sort of coincide, so I hope it won't be redundant.

Things I want in man:

- Honest
- Grounded
- Compromising
- Caring
- Secure
- NO BAGGAGE!
- Compassionate
- Understanding
- Sensitive but strong
- Creative
- Funny
- Giving
- Mature
- Supportive
- Responsible
- Cultured
- Respectful
- Likes to travel
- Reliable
- Mentally sound/strong

(Who doesn't have baggage though!?!?!?!!?! shit!)

So, that's my list.... I really don't have much to say about it... is it realistic? Am I being realistic? Does a man like this exist? Sigh... you know, this list kind of depresses me.....next!

Next, next next!!

Things I want in a Relationship:
(I may go into detail with these, yup, I will)

- Honesty- Trust- With each other and about the relationship, take responsibility in the relationship and with each other
- Compromise - within every aspect- give and take and confidence in decisions - 50/50
- Love <3= Happiness
- Positivity + + + = Growth, compromise, and understanding
- Understanding - sensitive towards each others thoughts, feelings, beliefs
- Reliability - responsibility, ownership = honesty
- Give & Take - 50/50 - like compromising - emotionally, caring and taking care of
- Confidence - in each other and the relationship - no doubt, no excuses
- Life, Creativity, Passion, Excitement! = movement
- Travel - see new places, experience new things together
- Cultured - open to new/old ideas, new/old foods, customs, cultures
- Equality- 50/50 give and take - also in roles within the relationship/household, non- traditional
- Strength - in being sensitive- strength in being honest and true with ourselves and each other
- Individuality - we are not carbon copies - have different things to bring into the relationship- spending time together and individually
- On the same team- back each other up, don't shoot each other down
- Real - security- same future plans- comes from same ideals/ideas- realness in thoughts feelings with each other and relationship
- Spiritual - as opposed to religious- religion can be there- in the background- but to be spiritual in believing in each other in the universe/earth.

Does any of this actually make any sense? Am I limiting myself with these lists... these are just lists though... these are things I'd like, but hmm, I don't know why I'm having trouble discussing these. And! Are they biased because I wrote them thinking of the things I didn't have in my previous relationships? I mean, one good thing about having more than just one relationship under my belt is that I get closer to knowing what I want and what I don't want.

But these things I listed above, not all of them you learn in the first few dates...so, it's kind of too ideal. It's unrealistic. But like I mentioned already, I don't want these to limit me from anything...??... will they? do they?

It's funny, I recently came in contact with an old acquaintance of mine in CA... she was saying how it was a shame that we live so far away from each other because she can't play matchmaker for me anymore... here I was thinking that it was only recently that I've been on a hunt for my future husband, but I guess I've always been on a hunt... ever since the break up from my first serious relationship... man, I must be some kind of hot mess.

Anyways, do lists serve a good purpose in this case?

I guess that's that for this post!

Until next week! Have a good one!

<3

Music to my ears

So!
I was listening to Leonard Cohen and it took me back to a time when love was flowing all around me. This then made me decide to write this post.

Songs and boys. There are lots of songs in my iTunes library that have sentimental value to them. Some of them take me back in time to a place called love. A place when I was in a warm beautiful, comfortable, snuggly cocoon of a relationship.

Here are some songs, possibly followed by who they remind me of, and/or of a specific time....



1. Leonard Cohen - Hey That's No Way To Say Goodbye



The night Rich told me he loved me, I sang this song to him "I loved you in the morning our kisses deep and warm..."..... Looking back on it, I don't know why I sang it because this song is all about saying goodbye... maybe it was a foreshadowing red flag sorta thing?




2. Zero 7 - The Pageant of the Bizarre



This was my and Rich's song. "It's never gonna be, normal you and me, what you're signing up for is a storm at sea" I really do think it puts us, the relationship we had, very well :)



3. Cat Stevens - Don't be Shy



I used to have this major crush on this boy when I lived in CA. His name was Jonathan. One of our major connections was Cat Stevens. On our first and only dates we went to this carnival and then went back to my place. At that time we were allowed onto the rooftop of my apartment building. We went up there with my acoustic guitar and he played me some Cat Stevens songs. I remember wanting to kiss him and tell him I liked him.... but I didn't... I was shy :) So this song reminds me of him... and as an aside, I chose this video because I LOVE, love love love, Harold and Maude :)



4. Keller Williams - Best Feeling



Ethan Ethan Ethan. haha! I LOVE this song! It takes me back, I haven't heard it in ages!!! When Ethan and I first got together Keller Williams was a big part of our lives... in my opinion :) Anyways, I remember listening to this back in the day, and being full of this love and happiness! It was wonderful!!

There are a ton of songs that remind me of Ethan in my iTunes library. He introduced me to almost everything I listen to now. He introduced me to so many Classic Rock and folk musicians. I wasn't all about it then but I am now!!! Bob Marley, seriously ANYTHING Bob Marley reminds me of Ethan. The summer before we started dating and when I really got to know him, Bob Marley was always playing in the car. Mason Jennings definitely reminds me of him, Ben Harper, Jack Johnson.... and someone who he totally would never listen to ... Alicia Keys. The last months of our relationship Alicia Keys album Songs in A Minor was playing non-stop on whatever portable device I had.



5. Gary Jules - Mad World



This song reminds me of Herzl. He was this actor dude I dated when I lived in LA. We dated for a short 3 month period... or something like that :) He made me a mix CD... great songs, this song was one of them.... and its the only one that sticks out... I'll leave it at that :)


Anyways... that's all for now. This was just a little fun spur of the moment blog post!

Hope you enjoyed listening :)

<3

Smooch

Yup! Smoochie poo!!! How many epic, movie-like first kisses have you had?!?! Lying in bed this morning I began to think about my memorable first kisses and some of them were so movie-like that I figured I should share them! How exciting!! I get to re-live them! I can't wait!

First kisses are such a defining fuckin moment for us all. They are either what we hoped or expected them to be, horrible and disgusting thus ending the infatuation, or far exceeds anything you could ever imagine!!! First kisses are, what I kind of think, the very first thing that gets the ball rolling... or not. We all have thousands of crushes all over the place, and when and if the feelings are mutual the first kiss is what really starts things off.

So, here are some of my memorable first kisses.... smooch!


French Kiss

My very first french kiss!!! Wait, my very first kiss with a boy!!! Ya'll remember Bert Williams from Nostalgia Part 1? Well, he was my very first kiss! First french kiss! If you did read that post I'm pretty sure you might remember the whole weird boob thing that went down but I don't think I really talked about actually kissing him! Well, I don't remember how it went down, it was probably in the movie theater, in fact I think it was. I vivdly remember the thoughts and feelings I had when our tongues touched. It was so weird!!! His tongue was a thick muscle, and grainy too. I just remember being schocked by the graininess of his tongue. I never imagined or knew what it would feel like, tongue touching tongue for the first time! It was almost alien like. But of course, I loved how it felt, not just how it felt in my mouth, but how my body felt when kissing. Gah! I love kissing! Thank you Bert Williams for being the first to introduce me into the wonderful world of making out! My tongue was probably like "SCORE!!! WE DID IT!!! WE MADE HEADWAY!!!!" First tongue action....check!


Peck

I might have mentioned this dude before in a past post... yes, my Closure post the boy that I imagined growing old with. Well my first kiss wasn't epic epic but it was really cute and sweet and really holds a nice picture in my head of what young love once was. So this dude, I met him online when I was like a junior or senior in High School. Anyways, my senior year of High School or the summer before or after, I can't remember, there was the Warped Tour going on. This dude lived in the NYC area and I lived in the Philadelphia area (and we still do :) ). Anyways we decided to meet at the Warped Tour in NYC that summer. I asked two of my gals to join me and they did. We got to the Warped Tour, and I met up with him. Such a cutie! Anyways! So we spent some time together then drifted off separately with our friends. At the end before I left, I went to say goodbye to him. I had never been this bold before in my entire life (....17yrs at that time haha). I leaned in, and gave him a cute, quick peck on his lips. It wasn't anything grandiose or hot and heavy, but it was sweet and full of love. I can still remember the feeling of that smile on my face.



Forgetful

This first kiss was cute, memorable, and very movie-like! This was the ultimate "so the things that happen in romantic movies CAN happen in real life" event! This kiss was given to me by my first love, my first serious relationship, my first everything real and serious. It all started the summer after graduating High School. He was going through some stuff so he was hanging out with a close friend of mine so that summer he, 2 of my bffs and I spent the whole summer together. I got to liking him and he got to liking me :) Both of us were shy and didn't really make any moves. Then I moved 2 hrs away to go to college, but we still kept in touch. I came home to visit sometime in the winter and this is when the magic happened!!

It all started with a weekend full of hanging out together. One of my bffs kind of coaxed him into staying over my house one night, it was supposed to be a sleep over with all of us, but then she and her boy left last min! Awkwardness prevailed! The next day we spent the whole day togethter, we went out and had brunch, we made a snowman, and went sledding! The next day we went and visited my bff at college, and spent the whole day with her and her man. Then! The next day was the day! We went to the movies with a friend of mine, then he dropped her off and drove me home.

I know this is a long description of this first kiss, it was a major one! I had to give a background story. So! he dropped me off and I remember going inside and being upset at myself for not kissing him, not making the move! I was bitching to my mom about it about how I wanted to kiss him but didn't. Then I went up to my room and heard a car outside so I looked out the window, thinking it'd be my sister... but it wasn't... it was him! He was calling my name, and I responded with "yeah?" and he said "come outside" (btw, I had to consult my old journal ... I didn't remember ALL of this :) ) . So I go outside, and he says to me "I forgot to give you something" and in my head I knew it, I knew we were going to kiss! So I said "oh, really?" Then he kissed me!!! I remember thinking I sucked because I was so completely nervous! But this was like the best first kiss ever! The events that surrounded it, the innocence, purity and genuineness of it all. It was beautiful! It led to a wonderful 3 yr relationship. <3



Magical

There's this forest area in my neighborhood where I grew up, it is known as The Magic Forest. It's a place where teens go to do rebellious stuff, like do drugs, have sex and get away from the parents. My friends and I would go and do illegal bonfires, those were the best! Of course there was the occasional smoking pot or sex sessions ;) Anyways, this kiss.... this magical kiss. This too was also pulled out of a movie. When I lived in CA I would come back to the east coast to visit once in a while. This one particular time, this dude came to visit me for the weekend. I was sick as a dawg! Snotty and a hoarse voice! We decided to go to the magic forest for a nice bonfire. The season was the end of fall turning into winter. I brought my box of tissues and we brought some matches.

When you enter the magic forest its all trees, as it should be, but you follow this path to a nice clearing where bonfires are held. We got to the clearing, there were bottles and trash left behind from whoever visited it last. We found a good spot, I sat on a fallen tree trunk while he went and searched for wood for the fire. He gathered the wood and set it up nicely for good fire starting. He got the fire started and we just sat there and watched the fire. At first he sat far from me, then he came and sat right next to me. He put his arm around me to keep me warm. It was sweet. Then he leaned in and kissed me. It was a nice kiss. I know this part doesn't seem that magical, but wait for the rest!

So, I know that was the first initial kiss with him, but you know how sometimes the first kiss is like this event full of kisses. Anyways, we got up to walk around the clearing a bit. Then we stood at this one spot, and looked at the sun setting. He held me close to him and then it started to snow, little flurries. It truly was magical. Picture the setting, us watching the sunset and little snow flurries all around us. This was when he kissed me again. The most perfect kiss in the most perfect setting. So romantic, so simple, so beautiful. :)



Star Gazing

No, this doesn't involve star gazing. I was on my second date with this dude. He was 10 yrs older than me, and an aspiring actor (this was when I lived in LA.....go figure...). We went to the Griffith Observatory on this particular date. This was my first time at Griffith.... Griffith is now my favorite place in LA (not because of this kiss)! So from Griffith you can see all of LA! When the sun sets you get this beautiful view:

(not sure if this picture does any justice but it truly is breath taking when you're there in person)

Anyways!!! So this ledge that is in the picture we were standing right there watching the sunset over LA and that is where he kissed me. It was a nice kiss nothing major but nice and sweet. Like I said in my last kiss, sometimes the first kiss is like this event of kisses. So then after Griffith we went to dinner then drove back to his place where I had my car parked. He parked his car, we got out and stood at the back of his car to say our goodbyes. Then, the hottest make out session commenced. He kissed me goodbye, naturally, but we could not stop! We were interlocked and making out! It was hot! and it was heavy!! He pushed me up against his trunk and we were just into it, nothing else existed at that moment! He could not let go of me and I him. I miss make out sessions like those. It was just so intense and filled with passion and hot hot love! It was like our lips were made for each other! Sigh.... we dated for 3 months and that was it for me and actor boy.



Anyways! Those first kisses were the most memorable kisses I've had. It's a shame I can't really remember any of the others. Oh well! Maybe there's a reason for that! haha!!! Well, I hoped you enjoyed reading my memorable first kisses as much as I did reliving them :)

<3

In all seriousness...

Some inspiration if you will.

So, so far this blog has been full of silly posts... I think it'd be good to have a serious one from time to time don't you think?

I guess I felt rushed with the last post but I guess I should learn to take my time with this. While I do want to post something at least once a week, I should really learn that timing is key. In any case, I'm going to write about two things that went on this weekend.

Eat, Pray, Love

I just got back from watching Eat, Pray, Love. While this is probably portrayed as a "chick flick" it really is an inspiring movie that really makes you think. Based on the novel "Eat, Pray, Love" it is a true story of a woman's journey to finding balance in life and in love.

That is the journey I am on. While I joke around about finding my future husband and being completely desperate, I am in all seriousness trying to find that balance within myself. I know that I need that balance, that stability in order to be in a place to welcome real, true love into my life.

These past couple of months I have been on a journey. I was stuck in this weird place, this depression if you will, this stagnation that really didn't allow me to move further to grow further in life. I was stuck in this spot for almost 2 years of my life. I know I'm only 27 and I have my whole life ahead of me and 2 years isn't THAT long, it really is. Every moment, every second should be used to learn something new about the world about life about yourself. I know this may seem cheesy but it really is true. I am not trying to discredit anything that happened the past 2 years because thanks to everything I've been through, everything I've learned, living with and loving the people I was with, I am able to be here. Thank you :)

The woman in this movie, the author of this book took a year off to go to Italy, India, and Indonesia to simply eat, pray and love. Now, I know not all of us can travel far to be able to learn the things she did, I really believe that you can do the same traveling and the same learning right where you're sitting.

I technically did do traveling back and forth between here and California to really get to this place in my life, so maybe I had some travel but I really didn't start learning until I surrendered to this stagnation and decided to change it.

It's like my friend told me long long ago, "you learn nothing when you're comfortable." It is so true. Challenge is the key, fear is the key to learning about yourself and about life.

This may seem unorganized so bear with me.

I'm taking this movie, this story as a form of inspiration. I am going to apply it to my life. Like I said, these past couple of months I have decided to rid this stagnant feeling and I have been doing an awesome job doing so. I am pursuing a career in something that I've had a passion for for at least the past 10 years of my life. Why not jump up, grab it and go?

So in reference to her journey I'm going to start with ,Eat. No, I didn't go to Italy to eat and find my appetite. But I found my appetite here, at home. I eat, and I enjoy what I eat and I take it in. Sure from time to time I fret about the calories and the weight I've gained. Part of my own journey has been to be comfortable in my own skin and I'm really getting there. Today I bought a dress a short dress, an "above the knee" dress. I've always hated my legs, today I decided to embrace them and wear a short fuckin dress. It was completely liberating!

Pray. I have my own issues with "god." I don't like organized religion, I don't like the idea of "god." I like the idea of the UNIVERSE. The universe brought me here and it impacts me just as I impact it. But I still feel like I need to tap into my own spirituality. I expect love to come, but it is true, and I've known this, that I really need to love and embrace myself in order to allow love in my life. I should make my own ritual and practice it every day. Maybe I will take up meditation to have some peace of mind. Maybe I'll write down my wishes and dreams and they can be my own religion. I need to tap into my own religion, into my spirituality and I need to own it.

Love. Love. That fuckin' 4 letter word. What does it mean? What is it? How do you know when you're in love? blah blah blah.. why does it run my world? Why do I give it the power to ruin my world too? Love myself? Love another? Being loved? As I've said before, as I'm sure you have all heard a million times and as I've drilled it in my own head but never practiced it, "You must love yourself before you can truly, wholly, love another." Now, that doesn't mean I haven't loved another because every one that I have and do love, I truly do love! It doesn't negate anything. But maybe I do need to love myself in order to "find my future husband. "

I do love myself, but not fully. I know I have a lot to work on and I am very, very, extremely hard on myself. But I am learning more and more about myself as every day passes. I take these things I learn and I either try to change them, I embrace them, or I celebrate them! We are all a work in progress and we may always be a work in progress till the day we die. But the most important thing to do is to love yourself and embrace yourself.

From time to time I surrender to this need to find my future husband. I give up. And I think it's a wonderful thing to do. Because it is in those times that I can feel more confident in myself and that's when I learn the most about myself.

Anyways, I think you get the gist of this whole Eat, Pray, Love thang and how it got the wheels in my head turning. On to the next thing.

Time

This was briefly mentioned in the movie but I was also talking about it with my friend and her husband yesterday in the pool. It is funny some girls, well the girls I know, how we seem to measure our lives, our own time line, by the men we've been with. In the movie she mentioned how since she was 15 she was either with a boy or dealing with heartache and has never had time to herself. I guess that didn't really mention time per se, but it reminded me of the conversation I had the day before.

Why do we have to measure our lives by the men we've been with, by the infatuations we had in the past. Lately most of my time line has dealt with "the time I was living in CA" or "the time I was living in Philadelphia." I also catch myself talking about memories I've had, or things I've done, or things I learned in time frames of which boyfriend or crush I had.

Why do we have to measure our lives by love? I guess once you're in a long term, serious, relationship that time frame slowly slips away. We all yearn for love, and I guess that is why I have the needs and wants that I have today. The need to be loved, wanting to find my future husband. Hey baby, it takes time.

It takes time. The staple to everyone's dilema. It takes time.

Anyways, I think I am just super rambling on now. I'll be surprised if anyone actually read this far into this entry. I wonder if boys measure their time by the girlfriends they've had. If any boys are reading this, please amuse me.

In any case, I am on a journey. This single 20something gal is on a journey to find balance and end up in love with herself and *hopefully* with someone else.

Take care
<3