"Closure"

"When the lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window"
- Nun lady in The Sound of Music

Truer words have never been said sista! Preach on!

Yes, if you read the title, this post is about "closure"

What does "closure" mean to you? How do you go about finding "closure"? When you think you've found it, did it actually happen? Does it even exist!?!?!!?

Fuckin' closure! You break up with what you thought was the love of your life and then the next steps are getting over the heartache and finding "closure."

Speaking from personal experience "closure" is the best excuse we use in the book to see that lost love, one last time. Yes, of course we look at it in an "adult" fashion and say to ourselves, and our besties, "I just need closure, I swear I'm over him/her I just need to see him/her one last time just to say goodbye so I can move on.... I swear, this will be the last time I ever see/think/talk to/about him/her " (haha was that last part a little confusing?!?!! eep!) I'm sure you've said that or something similar to that many times in your life, or for the lucky people maybe once or even NEVER (bitter)! While it is said with good intentions, it never really works out that way, does it?

I think I can recall the first time I ever used that word, "closure." I used to date this boy, for a brief amount of time, we were friends for a while before dating. Our relationship was immature and not real at all, but I always had a dream that he was the one! I dreamed of us having kids with crazy curly hair running around, I dreamed of us growing old together. He was the first and really only man I've dated where I could actually picture these things.

So, there came a time when I was able to meet up with him. I told myself, and my bestie, how great it'll be to finally have "closure" and that this meeting would be it for me and that I'd never have fond feelings for him again. Fast-forward 7 years later and here I am still holding onto those ideas.

Think back to your first time you thought you were going to find that "closure."

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closure |ˈklō zh ər|
noun
an act or process of closing something, esp. an institution, thoroughfare, or frontier, or of being closed : road closures | hospitals that face closure.
• a thing that closes or seals something, such as a cap or zipper.
• a resolution or conclusion to a work or process : he brings modernistic closure to his narrative

(taken from the macbook dictionary).............. (yes, I'm a mac user... don't judge)

Part of this definition of closure is referring to things, physical things... then there is the part of this definition that refers to an idea, but they seem to be concrete objective ideas. When we speak of closure in relationships, it is quite clearly personal and filled with emotions.

Closure with exes is just an idea. It never happens when you want it to, it just happens...or doesn't happen. Closure, I think, is just wishful thinking... especially and, possibly, only if you force it. Maybe I'm being pessimistic about this whole closure deal? I just know that from my experience and from the experiences of my friends closure never happens that one last meeting. You want to know what happens that one last meeting?......this is what happens

1. You either FUCK... yes... you fuck... don't fucking sit there and deny it! We've all done it... it's the worst idea ever... and we are all aware of how bad it is the second we walk through that door and instantly know its going to happen. I'm pretty sure I speak the truth when I say we know it's going to happen the moment we walk through that door. Where was it that I read this or heard this? You can tell the vibe of the meeting within the first 5 min of being with someone. I would assume that this would happen especially!!!! Especially, when you've already been romantically involved with this person. Vibes are strong and while we are human, we've still got a little bit of that 6th sense.

2. It is the most awkward meeting ever. More awkward than your first date or the first time you kissed or whatever! Fuckin' awkward. You can't be cool and comfortable like you were before you broke up. So, those little things you two used to do, you actually have to consciously remind yourself that those are no longer allowed. So, maybe what makes it so awkward is that you both spend your time trying to avoid these things?

3. That definitely is NOT the last time you see or talk to him/her....we all know this happens! When it does happen, please, just please, for yourself and for the other person, just stop it. It's not helping anything or anyone. It just makes it harder on the both of you. When one finally lets go first, the other one is left feeling crushed and bitter...which makes the heartache worse. "I thought you said you loved me and wanted to try and somehow work it out!" or "I thought we were going to try and be friends." The whole friend thing really only works in a land filled with rainbows, unicorns, leprechauns etc. Harsh, but true.... <3 style="font-weight: bold;">

4. You are just one cool fuckin' lucky duck and it all comes to you easy as pie... even though for some people pie ain't that easy... (....yeah....)

Listen, I'm no professional when it comes to this shit. This whole blog is all about me writing about my personal experiences, my thoughts, my opinions... I'm no Dr. Of-Fucked-Up-Relationships (even though I think I am pretty close to it), so bear with me.. and if you disagree please do not hesitate to use the comment section below :)

Anyways!!! So!! Closure!!! It's just an idea people! Either time does the healing of wounds or you have to really make an effort to actually deal with these feelings and move on!

So, about the boy I mentioned earlier, the one I imagined growing old with... this boy has dicked me over plenty of times that he's basically handed "closure" to me on a silver... no... FUCKIN' GOLD! platter. Alas, I still found myself stuck.

You want to know what's helping me through all this closure business? This, is my new form of closure, "Goodbye!"

Yep!

That's it!! As simple as that!!

When that boy crosses my mind I just say goodbye to him every time!

So, boys and girls, lets all virtually hold hands together and say goodbye to those exes of ours. The ones that still have a hold on us, goodbye...the ones that broke our hearts countless amounts of times,goodbye.... the ones that just didn't get it, goodbye....the ones that cheated on us, fucked us over, abused us (emotionally/physically) GOODBYE!!

Goodbye!

Scream it if you have to! I'm serious... GOODBYE!!!!

Join me!

In the comment section, I think it'd be really cool if you added your Goodbye, do it anonymously if you want to. Either write the name or write "goodbye to the boy/girl that broke my heart" or whatever they did! I'm serious! Let's do this!

Here's mine:



Goodbye Matt



Goodbye Spencer



Goodbye Rich





I love easily, and I hurt easily.... but it's hard for me to let go.

Remember, when that door is closed, a window is opened.

<3