Mr. Teeth

So, I met this dude on OkCupid...

He seemed really cool at first, smart, interesting and hot. Yes, a hot man on an online dating site, who knew? His lips were full and beautiful and he seemed tall and meaty.. mm mm mm and a beautiful smile!!! sigh

So, you might wonder why I call him Mr.Teeth... hm? Well first of all we sent a few messages back and forth to each other, to, you know, get to know a bit more about one another. Then! He sends me a message saying "I have something to confess to you, I think your teeth are sexy"

MY TEETH ARE SEXY?!?!?!! WHAT?!!?!!?

I have a gap between my 2 front teeth, so maybe some people find that sexy. Madonna has it, but Madonna has always screamed sexiness! Who else has it? I don't even know... so I took that comment as a red flag at first then I decided to stuff that flag in my pocket and forget about it.

One night we were up late chatting through OKcupid messages, another semi-red flag, he wouldn't IM, never IM only message... and the convo turned kind of.... sexual.. EEEEP!!! I don't know how it happened but I liked it and hated it all at the same time! Anyways, we set up a time and a place to meet up....

He canceled an hour prior to the date!!!!!!! Another red flag perhaps? He had a good excuse though, he suffers from migraines. So I decided not to give him a red flag for that one, although my co-workers beg to differ :)

We set up another date and well, it was kind of normal and boring, not as exciting as I'd expect it to be, oh! I forgot to mention that before meeting, he was talking about grabbing my ass when we'd met... sigh... another fuckin' red flag!! WHAT THE FUCK!


I met up with him at a park and it was so hot and humid that day. It was, well i was, disgusting!!!! He was not what I expected...AT ALL! Physically, he was smaller, short and skinny and his hands! oy! I can't stand a man with woman hands and his hands were super feminine fragile! He was totally different in person than online.Online he acted like such a macho man, talking about grabbing my ass and all sorts of shit and in person he had a mousy voice and would poke me with his finger once in a while

...?!?!...poke, poke, poke, poke, poke....?!?!?! who pokes people anymore!?!?! (and i'm not talking bout the sexual kind folks!) Wait, who pokes people anymore? Did I just say that? Dude! Who fuckin' pokes people period!!!?


?!?!?!!??!


crickets cricketing....



?!?!?!?!?!


So, whatever, I didn't want to judge him, first dates are awkward, especially when meeting someone from an online site. And! Even though I told him I was curvy, I might not have been what he expected either! So I let all of my judgments go and tried to enjoy the rest of my date.

We just sat there and talked for 1.5hrs and that was it, not very eventful at all. Which is okay! I don't need to go horseback riding or go bungee jumping (things The Bachelorette does on her first dates.), but just sitting and talking with this dude? Not eventful, not dynamic, no sparks.. whatever!

After the date we continued to message each other about how we'd meet up again and blah blah. Even though I wasn't 100% into him I figured I might as well try it again, who knows!

But!!!! Then!!! He started messaging me about how he wanted me to give him head and this and that and the messages would not stop!! So I told him he turned me off and that most boys don't understand that they have to work for head, they have to DESERVE head.. we women don't just give it for free! I hope men out there just read that sentence and are really taking it in, just soak it up.. take a minute or two, go ahead, I'll wait for you. Seriously.

Okay, you ready?

If not, maybe go outside for a walk and ponder that, then come back and finish this entry, how does that sound?


OY! Let's move on!

So, he messaged me back telling me that he was joking... joking? Really? Mr. Macho Teeth man was just joking? Couldn't support all the nasty weight you've been throwing at me?? That didn't even make any sense!

WHAT A LAME-O!!!! WHAT A COP OUT!!!!!

So, I didn't reply to him I'll let that little mouse bug someone else and tell them how their... eyebrows make him hot and heavy...rawr!

Moral of the story is:

- DON'T SHOVE RED FLAGS IN YOUR POCKET AND FORGET ABOUT THEM!!!!!

- If there isn't a spark on the first date, just move on, don't give it a second chance, in the end you're just wasting everyone's time!


The End
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The trials and tribulations of a single 20something in the 21st century

The past month I've been thinking about writing a blog about all my wonderful dating adventures, and failures. So, today at work after spitting out silly things about my life as a single 20something I decided to start this blog. So! Since there was no line at work I started this lovely blog!

I wanted to title it The Trials and Tribulations of a single 20 something in the 21st, but apparently this place has a limit to a blog title.... what?! I know, crazy!! So, I settled for this instead :) I devote my first post to what this blog was supposed to be called... lets take a moment of silence.

Anyways!
So!! After recently breaking up with my ex I have been on the move, and quite fast too. I seriously told myself that I wouldn't date any one or even think about men for a year... A FUCKING YEAR!?!?!!?!? Who the hell am I kidding! I'm a woman, I've got needs!! Needs I tell ya, needs. Many needs at that!

How does a 20something or 30 something or any something find people to date!?! Yeah I could go to a bar or club or something but really? Nah, I'd rather not fall in love with a crazy drunk or club hopper. In any case, when I do go to bars with my gals, I'm with my gals, I'm not looking for men... oy!

Let me briefly talk about my mother. She is obsessed.... OBSESSED.... with Jdate. Fuckin' JDate!!! "The rabbi gave a sermon the other day and he mentioned that 70% of the marriages he performs are from JDate matches." FUCK THAT SHIT! NO THANK YOU!

I must be honest, I've tried JDate before, I was living in Los Angeles. I dated an actor for 3 months, note to self (and for all of you lovely ladies our there) DO NOT DATE ACTORS. First of all buck-o you met me on our first date, I didn't have someone go pretending to be me, you saw me curves and all. So why? Why I ask you. Why!? After 3 months you dump me because I'm not tall and skinny, I just don't understand!

I actually signed up on JDate that one time as a bet with my mother. If she paid for my subscription and I met my husband then fine, she was right... but if I don't find my husband then leave it fuckin' be. Did she keep her promise? Of course not, she's a jewish mother for gods sake!

So, since being single I had many arguements with my mother about this whole JDate bullshit and i refuse to join again.. refuse!

But, of course I gave into the online dating world. While I still have this dream that I'll meet my future husband in some magical way .... a way that will be a great story for my kids and grand kids, i feel that in today's technology filled world, it's just not possible. So, I gave into the whole online dating thing... shh, please don't tell my mother, I don't want to make her happy :)

Of course I want to make my mother happy, I just don't want her nagging me because we all know she will. It's just how jewish mothers work. Unfortunately I'll probably be like that one day too, that is if i ever meet my future husband. Instead I might just bug the 40 cats I'll be living with :)

So, I signed up to OKcupid.. its a free dating site... so far I've been on 2 dates from that site, and boy were those dates interesting!! I won't dive into them in this post, I think they both deserve their own posts.

So, there ya have it, my intro to this wonderful blog.

My goals for this blog are (but not limited to):
1. Writing about my wacky dates
2. Writing about my desperation in finding this future husband
3. How much I hate my dreamy way of thinking
4. Bitch about men
5. Bitch about the society we live in and how fuckin hard it is to find some1 real

Thats for now.

btw, I'm so desperate that when my coworker was on his way to grab a snack and asked a few of us if we needed anything i said i needed a husband. Mostly because this dude is fuckin hilariously awkward i wanted to see what he'd say. He said he'd try and find an old rich man for me. Unfortunately when he got back he came alone.... sigh...

So! I hope you enjoy this blog as much as I will/do!

Let the games begin bitches!!!
Operation find future husband commences!!!!!

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