Relationshipless Relationships

Hello all!

First and foremost I'd like to apologize for last weeks lack of post and lack of letting you all know there was no post :)

Last weekend was crazy!!!! Then the days that followed were just busy and exhausting! So, I do apologize! (Saturday consisted of my car battery dying, and me getting locked out of the apt in 20degree maybe teen degree weather for 2hrs, and taking forever to get everything taken care of. Sunday I spent with the lovely boy :) )

Alright, so! Relationships!! I was about to go ahead and title this post Relationshits haha.. because really, isn't that how most of them turn out to be... until you meet your one true love yadda yadda yadda!

So, something sorta funny, I've been thinking about this a lot lately, relationships, not being in one but seeing someone and what that entails, and my dear blogger friend The Titan Project tweeted an old post the other day that touches on this whole thing, check it out: Handling Being Fuck Buddies. 

These 2 paragraphs are what hit me:

To be in a relationship is to hope that someday you’ll have someone plop on one knee and give the whole wedding snow brigade; the white diamond ring, the white dress, the white church, with white flowers, probably even in a few inches of fluffy white snow.  However, why would an early twenty something want to get into a relationship?  Are they saying, “Yeah I call this guy my boyfriend because I want him to marry me in a few months.”

If the twenty something relationship isn’t looking for wedding bells, what are you looking forward to, other than the end?  If this isn’t the ideal guy, what are they holding out for?  Is it because these young twenty something’s can’t see themselves having a fuck buddy, a sexual partner that comes in and out of their lives.  Or is it because they want to take long chastised turns at a time so they won’t be labeled as sluts, whores, or polygamist?

I must say though, that back in the day, in my early 20s relationships to me were just that, relationships, no thought of wedding bells unless it got super serious. My first serious relationship lasted 3 years, it began because we just really liked each other so, bam!, a kiss started it all....then as the years went by, of course  I thought about marriage. While it excited me, it scared me!  Once that relationship was over, I had some fun bouncing from crush to crush. I'd say, though,  that the last few years, The Titan's whole idea of relationship equaling wedding bells, seriously rings true.  "If the twenty something relationship isn’t looking for wedding bells, what are you looking forward to, other than the end?" I know this isn't true for everyone, I know, I know that this is an exaggeration... some people are just in relationships just to be in relationships and that's that no thought of wedding bells or the end what so ever, just taking it one day at a time.  And also, that might be a super pessimistic way of looking at relationships.

So!! Here's my take on this whole relationship thing. I've recently started seeing this awesome guy. (*waves* hi!)  I think after the 2nd or 3rd date or maybe after the first, I don't remember, but early on we had a conversation about what we wanted. He told me he wasn't looking for anything serious and I told him that I'm basically in between. While I'm looking to settle down because I'm tired of failed relationships, I also don't want to pressure anything and just take it one day at a time, see where things go, let it take its course.  So we know where we stand, that's good.... Fast forward to a month later, now, and we definitely try and see each other once a week (we live an hour apart), he's having fun, I'm having fun, it's really great!

I'm going to be honest with you and say that, well, while it's fun, it can also be a bit frustrating. This is where The Titan's relationship=wedding bells comes into play. He's younger than I am, there is no way in hell this shit is on his mind. I, on the other hand, am nearing the age where my biological clock ticks louder and louder in my head slowly deafening ground/stable thoughts. I'm not saying I want to marry the boy, no no no no no. I'm just saying that we  have different mindsets, so is this a "relationship" that leads to an end?  I guess that's the beauty of not being in a relationship.

I really do like not having a label or a title or shit like that, it definitely is liberating. There's no pressure of "oh I'm a girlfriend so I have to do a, b, and c... and he's my boyfriend so he must do a, b, and c." No stupid bullshit, just really enjoying each others company. And I must say I love being in his company.

UGH!!!!! This post is so confusing to me, because I'm so confused about this whole in between thing too! I'm not confused by it,  I understand all of its guidelines. Bottom line is this:

While I don't mind being in a relationshipless relationship the lack of pressure, taking it one day at a time, just having fun enjoying one another, (not saying that being in a relationship doesn't entail all of that).... while that is all fun, all my avid readers know where I've been at with "finding my future husband" haha, my biological clock is fucking ticking and I'm fighting so hard to shut it the fuck up! I seriously do not want that pressure, I don't want to think about marriage it'll come when it'll come and I am enjoying just being in the now....  I guess all I'm asking for is a nice normal relationship, no thoughts of the future no thoughts of the past just enjoying what is happening now. I guess that truly is the bottom line. So maybe what I have this this boy is that? It's not a stereotypical relationship, it's not a bf/gf bs blah blah blah kinda thing, it's just a nice relationship. Damn, this post is such a mess!


Another part that's sort of a struggle is emotions, and feelings. How much of myself do I invest  into this if I don't have a stable sense of this? The other side to that is, who the fuck cares? Invest all of you in it and if its worth it, great, if not oh well. 


I've been in a relationship like this before and the same issues came up. It was a short sweet relationshipless relationship, but that's because I moved. I bet you if I stayed it would've turned into something more serious.

So! Maybe that's just how things work nowadays you start off with relationshipless relationships, then you move onto the next step. That's what happened with The Titan and I know that's what was going to happen with me and the other boy.  But! That's just what dating is! You just fucking date and then decide if taking the next step is doable or not. It's just a longer dating period. Alright, I get it. It took me going through all that craziness up there to write it out and finally fucking get it. See, this is why I hate labels it just fucks everything up!! :)

Alright, any thoughts on this? Please share!!!!!!!

Make-out sesh!

Alright ya'll! 

To my avid readers, if you've paid attention I'm pretty sure I've mentioned several times about how much I love love love kissing and make-out sessions!  Seriously, they're the fuckin' best!! Yes, it requires foul language because that's how serious and passionate I am about how much I love make-out sessions!

First and foremost, kissing is so important in a relationship, it just is... AND! It's also something that sort of sets the relationship up, I think it plays a big role in compatibility... maybe I'm stretching it by saying it plays a big role in compatibility, but for the most part it really sorta does. If two people have a horrible time kissing one another, they need to turn around and walk away...or run...whatever floats their boats.  I'm going to go ahead and discredit first kisses on that one... well... maybe not... First kisses can be amazing (check out my post on some of my amazing first kisses), some can be "eh, not amazing but there's potential", and then some can be horrible in which the 2 people need to run or walk away. First kisses can be really stressful so that's why some of them slide from this rule.

There's a kiss that comes to mind that was really bad, actually 2 come to mind and they both shared the same quality.... well not quality (they weren't "grand" or anything like that), characteristic, they both shared the same characteristic.... one I'd like to call Dagger Tongue.... your tongue is not a weapon... no need to stab away at my tongue with that thing... sheesh!! Enough said.... those instances there was no connection and I politely said "no thank you" and walked away :)

Anyways! I went off on a little tangent! So if there's no chemistry in a kiss, then I kinda really do believe that there is no compatibility. Yeah both parties could take time to learn to be on the same kissing level, but really? Who would want to waste their time trying to enjoy kissing someone when they can just continue looking for the one who's tongue fancies theirs and vice versa.

So, there really is a major point to this post! Make-out sessions are hot.... hot make-out sessions truly make my day, probably even my week... yeah, my week too. There is so much raw, hot, sexual desire that's just being released by tongue on tongue action, bodies held tightly to one another, biting and sucking on lips and tongues RAWR!!! Ugh!!! I LOVE it!  Which leads me to my major point!

While I love sex and enjoy it greatly, as so many of you out there do too, I feel that once sex gets involved those hot make-out sessions no longer hold all that power... it kinda dies. Kissing turns into little pecks or something that's an intro to sex. It's never just a back-in-the-day hot make-out session!
I mean shit, I'm a hypocrite when I say that I wish we could isolate make-out sessions from sex. I know how I work, and once sex in a relationship has been had, its hard NOT to let a hot make-out session lead to it. 

One of the great things about super hot make-out sessions without sex after, is that it keeps you wanting more more more! It keeps that energy going, that flame burning longer! Which I think probably is a super healthy way to keep sexual desire up! Maybe that's a reason why passion tends to die out for some people in their relationships?

So, in conclusion, I have a proposition to ya'll out there in monogamous, sexual relationships. Try and isolate make-out sessions, and maybe do it when you know you don't have time to do the nasty. Maybe in the morning before heading out the door to work. Mmmmm just think about it!!! 

This happened to me the other day, I had a super hot make-out session! The next day at work all I thought about was that make-out session.... it was so completely distracting and frustrating, but you bet your ass I can't wait to see that boy again so I can pounce his ass :)

So for those of you with your significant others, have a hot make-out session before going to work so you'll be thinking about each other all day so that when you get home from that long tiring day, there's no way you wont make time for some sweeeet lovin'!


POWER TO HOT MAKE-OUT SESSIONS!!!

<3

Distant faces

So, I recently realized that distance has always been a main thing in my life. It's really interesting that I just realized this.

I was born in a little town outside of Chicago, IL to immigrant parents. I was my parents second child, but first American born child! BAM! Right then and there was when distance was introduced to me in my life, on that lovely morning of January 7th 1983. My fathers family lives in France and my mothers family lives in Israel, that is how distance was introduced to me.

Growing up I got to see my grandparents and relatives maybe once a year, or every other year. My parents told me that my grandparents loved when we would come visit because we actually cherished the time spent with them and didn't take them for granted. Over here on state side, I held onto my friends grandparents, I wanted that, I wanted to grow up with my grandparents and cousins and uncles and aunts. Now when I go visit the family, while we all love each other and what not, I sense the distance, I know it, I feel it. I always think that I'd be able to be closer with everyone in the family if we did live in the same country/city.

So, that's how distance was introduced to me in my life....now realizing, as I got older, distance continued to play a role and moved into my love life as well.

My first serious relationship I was in was 3 yrs long, my first love, it ended when I moved to CA for school. I wanted to try the long distance thing, but from what I remember he wasn't into the idea. I thought though, that if our love was real and strong then we would be able to work through the distance, heck my best friend did, why can't we?! Yeah, didn't work out. I wanted it to though, I didn't think it was officially over until I came home for winter break... we'll leave that story for another time...

So I moved to CA, I met boys, dated a few, la de da, nothing serious. I met this one boy, he lived an hour away from me. We saw each other every weekend, had nice sleep overs :) It wasn't a serious thing we weren't in a "relationship" per say.... this lasted 3 months then I moved back to the east coast.... but the boy and I are still on good terms and we've talked about it and realized that we should have just done the relationship thing, but at the same time, the timing just wasn't right for us.

When I moved back to the east coast a guy friend drove cross country with me..... thus.... starting.... another romance....he drove cross country with me but flew back home to CA. We did the long distance relationship thing on and off for a year... then I stupidly :) moved back to CA to live with him...... 6months later it ended.

Now.... I'm back on the east coast, as you avid readers may already know, I dealt with the break-up I've been focused on re-building a stable ground for myself and a bunch of other positive shit! I've been back almost a year now, damn the time has gone by so fast its ridiculous!!!

So, all of this distance talk and realization came about with this new boy I've been seeing for.... about a month??? I dunno.  He's wonderful. He lives about an hour away from me. The situation reminds me of the boy in CA that lived an hour away. So, me and current boy have talked about this distance and we are taking it one day at a time... but we are both so frustrated because it's only a fucking hour!!! But it's an annoying hour! 

Distance is fucking frustrating, it's entered and exited my life so many times... I have experience with distance it's been there all my life so yes, I am sort of a pro at it, but I'm kinda sorta done with it. And! Just because it's been there all my life and I'm a pro at it, it doesn't make it okay!!! I'm done with distance creating barriers and challenges and loops and hills and akjdhaksjhdas! I'm done. I just want a nice steady line.... or... a valley... where everyone and everything is stuck between beautiful mountaintops!

Seriously though, first of all why does distance have to create a barrier? We don't have to let it... I mean, many long distance relationships have worked. I started a thread on 20something bloggers about 2010 and 2011 love/relationship reviews and goals and some of the responses I got were interesting. A lot of people wrote about their long distance relationships and how they recently moved in together, or got married or la de da.. this one gal recently moved in with her man.... he lives in UK and she in Australia... so like fuck! Why is it that I have the worst luck with long distance shit?!

Distance has always been a part of my life... but.. because I'm being bitter right now, I'm seeing it as a curse!!!!! hahaha It's horrible I know... I'm just being bitter! If only we lived in a world where we could twitch our noses and nod our heads and appear wherever we want to it would make my life (and others I'm sure) so much simpler and easier.  Or teleportation, or nanoo-nanoo-ing (Mork and Mindy). Of course we'd have to password protect our area because then creeps could just appear anywhere and that wouldn't be cool.

Anyways, I guess it really just has to be a one day at a time thing. No pressure, only love and devotion and honesty and communication and commitment and it's all good to go.....

How do all you long distance people do it?!!?!?! What's the formula?!

<3

New Year

Well folks, Happy New Year.... it's a fresh new year, a fresh new start, a chance to make up for what ya missed out on in 2010 (read twenty-ten :) )..... a new chapter in life! Although, I like to think of our birthdays as our own New Year because really, this is our own lives we are living, we are the main character here sure lets celebrate the New Year according to christian calendars, but this is our lives... anyways... im going in circles... I'm tired and have a slight headache, don't mind me!

So, I feel like this entry should be complied of lists... lists of things that sucked in 2010 (remember, twenty-ten) and things that rocked... and maybe a list of my goals for 2011 (twenty-eleven)... but hm, I don't know, let's see how this will go!

2010 Sucked Ass




Alright, maybe I'll just summarize my romantic life and the negative things..... get it out of my system so I can make room for positive shit for 2011! So, hmm... hard to imagine that last New Years I was celebrating it with my ex in CA.... IT'S FUCKING SURREAL! It feels like it had to have been at least 2 or 3 years ago! But this happened just one year ago! So, the new year was alright..... then a month later we (ex and I) finally put an end to our dreaded, rotten, negative, aksjdfhskfjhsd relationship :)  Looking back, I sometimes feel like it should have ended months earlier, but that's a different conversation for another time :)

So the start to my 2010 new year kinda blowed!

January was spent in a black hole.
February was spent crashing at a friends place trying to find a place to live, ending up deciding to move back to the east coast.
March was a deeper black hole, being back on the east coast dealing with the break-up.
April- July/Aug total fist-in-air "I conquer all that is negative" and "FUCK YOU EX!!!"
Aug-Oct/Nov trying to be okay with being a single lady trying to enjoy me time.
Nov-Dec rockin' it!

Shit's a motherfuckin process yo!

Anyways, for the most part,  my 2010 sucked asss in the romantic part of my life.  It was all about Love stinkin :)


2010 Rocked!!! 

Haha... alright...So, I had some issues in the love department in 2010...obviously... but if it weren't for all that shit, I wouldn't be here writing these oh-so-awesome blog entries!!  Seriously though, the art to defeating negative shit is finding the positive in it all. So I spent many nights shedding tears over a broken heart and fuckin' confusion and self doubt. In the end I came out strong!! I created this blog!! How did it start? I joined the lovely okcupid and went on 2 bad dates and decided to write about them and write about the silly shit that goes on in my dating life. This whole thing is a process of self discovery, self realization. Without the help of this blog and the other lovely bloggers that I met entering the blog world, I don't think I would have the confidence and the sense that being single is OK. I know this truly is a paragraph of cheesiness!!



Twenty-Eleven!!!

Looks like it's going to be a great year!!! With all the shit I learned in 2010, all the shit I conquered I am bound to truly own this new year!!! I don't have any goals for my love life for this new year, I'm just gonna take a nice stroll and let it flow and whatever happens happens. Well, I guess that sort of forms into a good goal for this year. Let It Be. It's okay if you're single, it's okay if you're not.... Don't put pressure on anything, stay true to yourself, and let love come and go, or stay a while... whatever path love chooses just go with it.

Anyways, that's my 2cents... or more.... on this new year and last year and love and la de da-ness

Have a wonderful year ya'll!!!

<3