Lists

So, today I opened up my moleskin weekly planner thing. It's kinda fat, stuffed with papers and what not.... some of the papers are little things I kept as memorabilia, for example little things from my trip to New Orleans over the summer and a few pieces of trash like receipts here and there.

I have about 12 little squares of paper that were about to fall out.... along with a list...

What do these special pieces of paper entail?

Qualities and characteristics of what I want in a relationship and in a significant other.

How many of us created lists like these? go ahead, you can raise your hand... mine is raised pretty high!

So, I'm pretty sure I mentioned that I see a therapist...she gave me 2 assignments, one was to write a list of things I want in a man and the other was to write, on little cards, things I want in a relationship.

That wasn't the first time I created a list like that. A little under a year ago, after the breakup with my most recent ex, I decided it'd be a good idea to write that list. In the back of my mind I was hoping that the power of The Secret would work it's magic.... alas it did not.

Anyways I thought I'd share with you this list and the lovely things I want in a relationship... they sort of coincide, so I hope it won't be redundant.

Things I want in man:

- Honest
- Grounded
- Compromising
- Caring
- Secure
- NO BAGGAGE!
- Compassionate
- Understanding
- Sensitive but strong
- Creative
- Funny
- Giving
- Mature
- Supportive
- Responsible
- Cultured
- Respectful
- Likes to travel
- Reliable
- Mentally sound/strong

(Who doesn't have baggage though!?!?!?!!?! shit!)

So, that's my list.... I really don't have much to say about it... is it realistic? Am I being realistic? Does a man like this exist? Sigh... you know, this list kind of depresses me.....next!

Next, next next!!

Things I want in a Relationship:
(I may go into detail with these, yup, I will)

- Honesty- Trust- With each other and about the relationship, take responsibility in the relationship and with each other
- Compromise - within every aspect- give and take and confidence in decisions - 50/50
- Love <3= Happiness
- Positivity + + + = Growth, compromise, and understanding
- Understanding - sensitive towards each others thoughts, feelings, beliefs
- Reliability - responsibility, ownership = honesty
- Give & Take - 50/50 - like compromising - emotionally, caring and taking care of
- Confidence - in each other and the relationship - no doubt, no excuses
- Life, Creativity, Passion, Excitement! = movement
- Travel - see new places, experience new things together
- Cultured - open to new/old ideas, new/old foods, customs, cultures
- Equality- 50/50 give and take - also in roles within the relationship/household, non- traditional
- Strength - in being sensitive- strength in being honest and true with ourselves and each other
- Individuality - we are not carbon copies - have different things to bring into the relationship- spending time together and individually
- On the same team- back each other up, don't shoot each other down
- Real - security- same future plans- comes from same ideals/ideas- realness in thoughts feelings with each other and relationship
- Spiritual - as opposed to religious- religion can be there- in the background- but to be spiritual in believing in each other in the universe/earth.

Does any of this actually make any sense? Am I limiting myself with these lists... these are just lists though... these are things I'd like, but hmm, I don't know why I'm having trouble discussing these. And! Are they biased because I wrote them thinking of the things I didn't have in my previous relationships? I mean, one good thing about having more than just one relationship under my belt is that I get closer to knowing what I want and what I don't want.

But these things I listed above, not all of them you learn in the first few dates...so, it's kind of too ideal. It's unrealistic. But like I mentioned already, I don't want these to limit me from anything...??... will they? do they?

It's funny, I recently came in contact with an old acquaintance of mine in CA... she was saying how it was a shame that we live so far away from each other because she can't play matchmaker for me anymore... here I was thinking that it was only recently that I've been on a hunt for my future husband, but I guess I've always been on a hunt... ever since the break up from my first serious relationship... man, I must be some kind of hot mess.

Anyways, do lists serve a good purpose in this case?

I guess that's that for this post!

Until next week! Have a good one!

<3

For real Single Sally

Fo' real yo!

Here's what I was thinking today...

You know, I've been single before... no biggie... but I haven't been this kind of single. And! By this kind of single, I mean this... :)

So, I've had 2 major relationships in my life.... my first one which lasted 3 years and then my most recent one which was about a year and a half give or take a few months here and there :)

From the time things ended with my first to the time things started with my second was about 3.. maybe 3.5 years. During those 3.5 years I was a single lady..... but!!!

I was a single fresh-piece-of-meat-back-on-the-market kinda single lady!

So, what does a single fresh-piece-of-meat-back-on-the-market kinda single lady do? What does it mean? Here's the recipe!

Single fresh-piece-of-meat-back-on-the-market kinda single lady

3.5 lbs of crushes
4-5 cups of risque business
2 semi-but-not-really-relationships
10 heaping tblspns full of partying
As much super cute, sexy, fun, spicy spices as needed


This recipe really is a flexible one so it can be altered any which way...

THAT, my dear readers, was the kind of single fresh-piece-of-meat-back-on-the-market lady I was!

So, what's so different from the kind of single lady I am now??

I've gotten older, I've gotten more serious... I've gotten... dare I say... boring. sigh.

So this really is the first time when I really... really.... don't have a single male in my life... well, yes there are men in my life... male friends... but not the kind of male friends I want, if ya know what I mean. No offense to you male friends :) I love you all.

I really don't know what the point of this post is... but it just struck me that this is like an adult kind of single. An older kind of single. I ain't playin' around, I'm not having little flings or casual sex or any of the sort. I'm just doing my thing and once in a while hoping for prince charming to come along and sweep me off my feet.

While some of my past posts have been me complaining, whining, crying, depressing about being single and wanting to find/be with my future husband, this weeks post I am going to say and going to try and promise myself to continue being positive about being okay with being single.

I don't need a man, I don't need a man, I don't need a man, I don't need a man....


....


I just fuckin' want one :)

BUT! For the time being, I'm gonna be a rockin' single lady! I'm gonna do my thing, strut my own kinda stuff and when the time is right, it'll be right :)

Until next time ladies and gents!

For the Americans reading this, have a wonderful thanksgiving, lets remember what we're thankful of... and don't say nothin' bout being thankful for them black Friday sales! sheeeit! :)

<3

Break-ups

So, I am part of 20sb is a great networking place for 20 something bloggers (20sb) to get together, network, receive feedback and make friends :) It's pretty cool! On the main page there's this section with discussion topics going on. Last week a friendly blogger posted a discussion "How do women get over a break-up?" Interesting, hu? A dude posted this discussion.

He started it off like this:

I'm pretty sure men just have sex with anything and everything the minute they get broken up with. But I highly doubt it's the same for women. Unless it is, I don't know.

What do you think?

(this was written by The Titan Project)

There was a number of responses to this discussion... it's been going on for about a week.

98% of the responses were from women, of course. There was one response from another dude and a reply from the author of the discussion.

Anyways, most of the gals had the same responses....some of them were stereotypical responses that were to be expected.

- I cry my eyes out and eat ice cream
- I watch chick flicks
- I listen to empowering girl music
- I hang out with my girlfriends
- I too fuck anything and everything
- I make myself busy
- I delete the ex from any and every social networking site

I cringed at the stereotypical responses, the ones like eating ice cream, and watching chick flicks. OY! I know I'm guilty of doing similar things.

So, I knew I wanted to respond to this discussion but I wasn't sure how to. Then I thought long and hard about it and came to this conclusion. Here was my response:

well.. thinking about my most recent break up... it was kinda of like a mourning period... u know those 6 steps of mourning some1s death.. i feel like thats what went on with me...

1. The first month after the break-up he and I were both in denial about it... and trying to give each other hope for the future "we just need to grow individually and maybe next year it'll work" LAME!! I know!!!
2. depression period
3. The "I DON'T NEED YOU I'M BETTER THAN YOU!!!" period (which entails deleting boy from everything :) ) Having a bajillion crushes!
4. ANGER ANGER ANGER (incorporated with a bunch of internet stalking)
5. Well.. i have yet to get there.. but i've gone through this before so! step 5 is probably the coming back to reality and being okay with urself and being alone...slowly coming back and regaining some normalcy
6. WOOHOO!!!! NEW BOY IN LIFE!!!!!... and hoping and praying not to go through this all over again :)

Of course everyone goes through their own thing and deal with break-ups differently, but I think that if we all really look closely at our break-ups I truly believe that there is some sort of process that we go through, similar to the one I wrote above.

Now, with men.... sigh.... I really do hate how this guy started the discussion because I hate the fact that that's how most men deal with it. He basically put men and women in 2 different categories when really all men and all women don't react in those 2 separate ways. I've talked to dudes, some have said that men are more emotional and weaker than women, that it does take longer for them to get over a break-up than it does for women. But I've also seen men have the ability to jump from one relationship to the next...relationship hoping if you will :) Maybe men are just better at hiding their feelings, and its easier for them to sweep the emotional shit under the rug?

The one dude that came up with an actual response to this discussion wrote a semi-good response. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. He, too, sort of categorized men and women in their own stereotypical groups. I do sort of like how he wrote this excerpt, but I don't at the same time....

Best way to view a relationship is to compare it to a paycheck: if you feel like you are expending too much of your time & energy for the chump change you receive in return, then you will quit your job and find another. If you feel like you are earning as much as you deserve, then you'll stick around & see what happens. And if the money is just rolling in, then you are gonna make damn sure you do everything you can to keep your job--even if it means working overtime.

(This was written by Audience of One)

I mean he does make a good point about the idea of give and take and having an equal balance there... but at the same time I definitely do not like how it sort of made relationships sound sterile and not wholesome.

I guess that whole "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" idea makes sense.

In any case, I would love to have a better truer response from a male... because I refuse to believe that fucking anything and everything is the cure to a males side of a break-up.... I refuse!!! Maybe it's also because I'm in denial, because I honestly do believe that that's all men care about. I know, not all men are like that... I guess I just haven't met the right one yet ;)



What are your thoughts, dear readers?

<3

Music to my ears

So!
I was listening to Leonard Cohen and it took me back to a time when love was flowing all around me. This then made me decide to write this post.

Songs and boys. There are lots of songs in my iTunes library that have sentimental value to them. Some of them take me back in time to a place called love. A place when I was in a warm beautiful, comfortable, snuggly cocoon of a relationship.

Here are some songs, possibly followed by who they remind me of, and/or of a specific time....



1. Leonard Cohen - Hey That's No Way To Say Goodbye



The night Rich told me he loved me, I sang this song to him "I loved you in the morning our kisses deep and warm..."..... Looking back on it, I don't know why I sang it because this song is all about saying goodbye... maybe it was a foreshadowing red flag sorta thing?




2. Zero 7 - The Pageant of the Bizarre



This was my and Rich's song. "It's never gonna be, normal you and me, what you're signing up for is a storm at sea" I really do think it puts us, the relationship we had, very well :)



3. Cat Stevens - Don't be Shy



I used to have this major crush on this boy when I lived in CA. His name was Jonathan. One of our major connections was Cat Stevens. On our first and only dates we went to this carnival and then went back to my place. At that time we were allowed onto the rooftop of my apartment building. We went up there with my acoustic guitar and he played me some Cat Stevens songs. I remember wanting to kiss him and tell him I liked him.... but I didn't... I was shy :) So this song reminds me of him... and as an aside, I chose this video because I LOVE, love love love, Harold and Maude :)



4. Keller Williams - Best Feeling



Ethan Ethan Ethan. haha! I LOVE this song! It takes me back, I haven't heard it in ages!!! When Ethan and I first got together Keller Williams was a big part of our lives... in my opinion :) Anyways, I remember listening to this back in the day, and being full of this love and happiness! It was wonderful!!

There are a ton of songs that remind me of Ethan in my iTunes library. He introduced me to almost everything I listen to now. He introduced me to so many Classic Rock and folk musicians. I wasn't all about it then but I am now!!! Bob Marley, seriously ANYTHING Bob Marley reminds me of Ethan. The summer before we started dating and when I really got to know him, Bob Marley was always playing in the car. Mason Jennings definitely reminds me of him, Ben Harper, Jack Johnson.... and someone who he totally would never listen to ... Alicia Keys. The last months of our relationship Alicia Keys album Songs in A Minor was playing non-stop on whatever portable device I had.



5. Gary Jules - Mad World



This song reminds me of Herzl. He was this actor dude I dated when I lived in LA. We dated for a short 3 month period... or something like that :) He made me a mix CD... great songs, this song was one of them.... and its the only one that sticks out... I'll leave it at that :)


Anyways... that's all for now. This was just a little fun spur of the moment blog post!

Hope you enjoyed listening :)

<3

Salt to the wound

Warning: This post may seem negative and mean towards those with significant others. I love love and I love that you all have love in your lives, so do not take this personally. This is just part of my self-exploration in being a single lady.... but more honestly, it's me venting!

Okay, single ladies, please help me out here, let me know I am not the only single woman out here feeling or even thinking this way.

I have been in serious relationships, casual ones, sex-only ones whatever. I have had confidence in the past in being a single woman. For some reason, after my most recent break-up I just can't shake this helpless feeling off of me. What is going on here?! Throw me a freakin' bone. I don't know if it's me not being over my ex (even though I know he is not 'the one' for me), or my biological clocks' alarm going off beeping beeping beeping incessantly telling me I need to find my 'one' before I get old and shrivel up. I am just having a really tough time over here.

After my break-up there was a short mourning period, which quickly jumped into an "I'M BETTER THAN YOU, I DON'T NEED YOU" period.......then the knowledge of my ex having a girlfriend with my same exact name (different spelling, mine is better of course :)) .... made my world come crashing down and now I'm unwillingly being flooded by memories of him and I and our break-up and I just can't seem to shake the sorrow out of my head.

So, why the WARNING? Well, here's the thing, let me start off by saying that I love my girlfriends, I do, I truly do, and I hope and think that they know that. I just got back from having dinner with them and we had some great conversations. Now, I don't expect convos of their significant others to not come up, it's normal it's what we all talk about... boys boys boys. Just because I'm currently single it doesn't mean that these conversations should stop.

My only struggle with this is, that it sort of is just a freakin' struggle. I want to and can relate to the conversation, but how do I relate to it? By bringing up things from my most recent relationship. It's like adding salt to my wounds. I can't tell my gals to not talk about their significant others, and I also can't just sit there in silence refusing to involve myself in their conversation.

All of my closest friends who I live close by to now, have significant others. They all do. I have one old friend that is single but we aren't so super close. So it just kind of sucks. I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong, but I'm going to be honest and say that I'm just jealous.

I also, ugh.. I don't want to be that girl that can't stop whining about being single, or crying about the ex. I try really hard to not bring it up.. but I do bring it up... and I hate it when I do. It's fuckin' redundant bullshit. So, I know I just need to strap them boots on tight and "man" up. I know I just need to move on and walk away from it all.

Single ladies, out there, I ask you, do you feel the same too? Do you struggle with this too? Maybe you're over your ex, but maybe when you sit around a table with gals that have significant others, you feel it.

I miss that confidence I have knowing that I have someone at home keeping the bed warm for me. I miss that warm beat in my heart that knows I have that kind of love in my life. Maybe I just need to learn that the love I have from family and friends is all I need, and I shouldn't depend or wait on a man to love me.

.... ehh... fuck it... I'm a dreamer, I want that, I love love so much.

Help me out here gals. I just need to get my mojo back and live on that high horse of mine that's sitting somewhere in the corner collecting dust.


<3