I think we've all established that I love love, I have a new found love-hate relationship with crushing and that I'm trying so hard to be a realistic grounded person in every and all relationships I enter from this point forward.
It's like what Nicole commented on my previous post she put it beautifully:
relationships are hard on a female emotionally because we have to sort through all of the "warm and fuzzy" feelings of starting something new with someone and get down to the real solid feelings that will make or break a relationship. And then we have to deal with having deep feelings for someone, and they might not be on that level yet. So then we have to hold it in and not say anything so we don't seem like we're trying to "rush" things. All of the confusion and the stress of holding back is torture sometimes.
It's funny because my cousin said something to me this weekend, he looked at me and said "Don't you seriously believe that women are more complicated than men? Men are so much simpler" Now, I'm not going to get into it because on some levels men are simpler than women but then there are those emotionally fucked up men out there that are worse than 1000 emotional women... maybe even more!!!
But, to some extent, women are more emotionally invested in things... it's not to say that we are complicated, I just think that we tend to adhere to emotional thoughts about a person quicker than men do.... correct me if I'm wrong men. Once again, it really depends, male..female... whatever we are all different but there is a, I guess you could say, greater occurrence of men sharing a certain quality and women sharing one as well. Anyways, I think I'm going off topic.
I'd like to think that I was doing, I guess I could say, a good job, maybe 90%, trying to keep grounded and realistic about Mr. High School. Then BAM! Today came and slapped me clear across the face... I lost control of myself and definitely didn't do a good job holding my emotions in.
Here's the thing, I feel that with Mr. High School I have definitely let my guard down way sooner, maybe not my guard, but I've been doing things differently... I've been going with the flow and just enjoying my time spent with him and not rushing my emotions and feelings... but yeah today I failed. And it's not to say that its necessarily a bad thing, who knows... who cares because if it is, then it is what it is, if it isn't, then, high five.
I greatly enjoyed my time spent with Mr. High School last night and today... I guess I had expectations, which definitely fucked me over. We were out late walking the city which was really nice, I really enjoyed it.. then we finally got to sleep in!!! Something we've never been able to do considering he leaves for work so early when he stays over. Then he made us a delicious brunch! He tried to help me fix my TV and then he left shortly after.... and.. well.. I didn't get a good grasp of my emotions... I totally slipped up and failed! I didn't fail. But well.. I seriously felt that we didn't kiss enough... go ahead and laugh at me, but I love kissing him. I had also thought we were going to spend the day together. Ya wanna know why?!?!! BECAUSE I WASN'T BEING REALISTIC!!! It's okay to dream, by all means people, dream away. But seriously, he had shit to do, I had shit to do so fine, he left early. But! I just felt that it was abrupt hahaha.. takes me back to our first date. haha. So, I stupidly text him saying he seemed distant. Which I did feel, but I think it was all me... I mean, it definitely was all me and in my head because I'm stupidly going gaga over him now and my head just isn't working right.
So... he texts me saying he's fine and why I thought that. Then I made the mistake, or not mistake, of telling him I'm falling for him and to disregard my previous text because my head is being silly...
UGH!
WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF??
Just when I think I can take a handle of my emotions and finally be in control, I do this.
So, I haven't heard from him, which is to be expected.... I'm kind of on edge but I mostly don't mind that he didn't text me back, he deserves the time to collect his thoughts in giving me a response... which is to say that I deserve it too? I think me thinking that, is a big step for me because I probably would've text him again and said something stupid to counteract the outburst of emotion or I would be freaking out right now... which I guess is what this post is coming across as.....
I'm not freaking out about the lack of response from him... I'm freaking out at my stupidity and not just giving myself a simple cooling period before jumping to conclusions in my head :)
Nicole put it perfectly... it's torture.....
<3
I'm sorta going through similar situation with my BF, Mr. Big. Although we've known each other for 6 years, you can still "rush" things and be "too honest" about your feelings. That scares boys sometimes, I don't understand why, but it does. Men usually need more time than a women to process emotions, and a lot of times we misinterpret their silence and, like you stated, jump to conclusions. Good on you for giving him the space. He'll come to you when he's figured out how he feels about it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the mention! :-)