So, I recently realized that distance has always been a main thing in my life. It's really interesting that I just realized this.
I was born in a little town outside of Chicago, IL to immigrant parents. I was my parents second child, but first American born child! BAM! Right then and there was when distance was introduced to me in my life, on that lovely morning of January 7th 1983. My fathers family lives in France and my mothers family lives in Israel, that is how distance was introduced to me.
Growing up I got to see my grandparents and relatives maybe once a year, or every other year. My parents told me that my grandparents loved when we would come visit because we actually cherished the time spent with them and didn't take them for granted. Over here on state side, I held onto my friends grandparents, I wanted that, I wanted to grow up with my grandparents and cousins and uncles and aunts. Now when I go visit the family, while we all love each other and what not, I sense the distance, I know it, I feel it. I always think that I'd be able to be closer with everyone in the family if we did live in the same country/city.
So, that's how distance was introduced to me in my life....now realizing, as I got older, distance continued to play a role and moved into my love life as well.
My first serious relationship I was in was 3 yrs long, my first love, it ended when I moved to CA for school. I wanted to try the long distance thing, but from what I remember he wasn't into the idea. I thought though, that if our love was real and strong then we would be able to work through the distance, heck my best friend did, why can't we?! Yeah, didn't work out. I wanted it to though, I didn't think it was officially over until I came home for winter break... we'll leave that story for another time...
So I moved to CA, I met boys, dated a few, la de da, nothing serious. I met this one boy, he lived an hour away from me. We saw each other every weekend, had nice sleep overs :) It wasn't a serious thing we weren't in a "relationship" per say.... this lasted 3 months then I moved back to the east coast.... but the boy and I are still on good terms and we've talked about it and realized that we should have just done the relationship thing, but at the same time, the timing just wasn't right for us.
When I moved back to the east coast a guy friend drove cross country with me..... thus.... starting.... another romance....he drove cross country with me but flew back home to CA. We did the long distance relationship thing on and off for a year... then I stupidly :) moved back to CA to live with him...... 6months later it ended.
Now.... I'm back on the east coast, as you avid readers may already know, I dealt with the break-up I've been focused on re-building a stable ground for myself and a bunch of other positive shit! I've been back almost a year now, damn the time has gone by so fast its ridiculous!!!
So, all of this distance talk and realization came about with this new boy I've been seeing for.... about a month??? I dunno. He's wonderful. He lives about an hour away from me. The situation reminds me of the boy in CA that lived an hour away. So, me and current boy have talked about this distance and we are taking it one day at a time... but we are both so frustrated because it's only a fucking hour!!! But it's an annoying hour!
Distance is fucking frustrating, it's entered and exited my life so many times... I have experience with distance it's been there all my life so yes, I am sort of a pro at it, but I'm kinda sorta done with it. And! Just because it's been there all my life and I'm a pro at it, it doesn't make it okay!!! I'm done with distance creating barriers and challenges and loops and hills and akjdhaksjhdas! I'm done. I just want a nice steady line.... or... a valley... where everyone and everything is stuck between beautiful mountaintops!
Seriously though, first of all why does distance have to create a barrier? We don't have to let it... I mean, many long distance relationships have worked. I started a thread on 20something bloggers about 2010 and 2011 love/relationship reviews and goals and some of the responses I got were interesting. A lot of people wrote about their long distance relationships and how they recently moved in together, or got married or la de da.. this one gal recently moved in with her man.... he lives in UK and she in Australia... so like fuck! Why is it that I have the worst luck with long distance shit?!
Distance has always been a part of my life... but.. because I'm being bitter right now, I'm seeing it as a curse!!!!! hahaha It's horrible I know... I'm just being bitter! If only we lived in a world where we could twitch our noses and nod our heads and appear wherever we want to it would make my life (and others I'm sure) so much simpler and easier. Or teleportation, or nanoo-nanoo-ing (Mork and Mindy). Of course we'd have to password protect our area because then creeps could just appear anywhere and that wouldn't be cool.
Anyways, I guess it really just has to be a one day at a time thing. No pressure, only love and devotion and honesty and communication and commitment and it's all good to go.....
How do all you long distance people do it?!!?!?! What's the formula?!
<3
Sunday, January 9, 2011
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It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who rarely sees my family. My entire family is from the midwest except for moi, and my parents moved out to CA right before they had me. We used to go back and see my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins every year, but now it's more like once every 5 years. My cousins are around my age but I barely know them at all. I'm an only child, so I often feel very isolated and miss the company of a large family, or even knowing my family much at all.
ReplyDeleteAs far as long distance relationships go, I've only had one, and it lasted for three months. He lived in Southern CA and I was living in Northern CA at the time. We had only dated for about a month before it became long distance, so we didn't have much of a relationship to go off of. Plus, he was a major asshole who another girlfriend the entire time, which might have been why it didn't work out too ha! My best friend is currently dating a guy who lives 30 mins away, and I know the commute is hard for her, especially with her work schedule. But they've been making it work. Sorry I don't have much advice, but I think you are right, it's a one day at a time thing!
Hi I just kind of stumbled upon your blog- but I really related to what you were saying. I am also first generation American on my father's side who is French and all of my family either lives in France or in Israel, so I also grew up being the lone cousin, niece and granddaughter here. I spent my summers in France, but it was hard to have to celebrate big milestones with only my parents and brother- I envied every other American family who seemed to live mere blocks away from all of their relatives.
ReplyDeleteMy first relationship was also long distance. He was a soldier in Israel and I was studying here in DC. It was incredibly difficult and it ended eventually.
I also realized how distance is such a huge factor in my life as well. Most of my friends live in Europe or in Israel and the most intimate connections I have with them occur over Skype. It's hard, but I feel like I have so much richer and deeper relationships because of it. I do not take advantage of the time we do have together, and with them- and my family- I cherish the little things like the cards, the care packages and the page long e-mails.
But I get what you're saying with the whole relationship factor.. I think it is definitely harder to be in a long distance relationship than a long distance friendship because you are constantly seeking physical and emotional bonds with that person. I think you have a good start with taking it one day at a time... but I definitely sympathize when you say how frustrating distance is and there have been so many stars I have wished on for a way to make travel instantaneous (and cheaper)... but good luck and I can't wait to read more from you!!
Jessica