So, well, this week has been a busy week. By the time Friday rolled around I was stressing about what to write for this weeks posting! I was asking my co-workers and I was desperately trying to figure out what to write. I had several ideas to write about 1. How sex does/doesn't change things 2. Ex Rules and 3. Marriage. Alas, the universe allowed this weeks post to present itself right on time! For those of you who are new readers, I wrote about this once before. Whenever I force myself to think of a new post idea I either write a silly post or I force an idea and it just doesn't come out right, but! Before the time I normally put up posts, an idea presents itself. Well here is this last min idea!
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So, this is the 21st century, and times definitely have changed!
I just got back from seeing The Switch, while it was a typical Jennifer Aniston chick flick, I came out of it with some goals in mind! A lot of movies these past few years have a story line based around single, financially stable women giving up on the traditional idea of finding a husband THEN having kids and completely doing it the other way around! The Switch, Backup Plan, Baby Mamma etc. I am very well aware that these are Hollywood ideals of what happens to single ladies who attempt this. I know that when you get artificially inseminated Mr. Future Husband doesn't really come strolling around the corner... I am very well aware that Hollywood is a complete load of fuckin bullshit.... but at the same time... looking at it in the perspective of being single and deciding to have a kid on your own, it is very possible!
So!!! I decided, that when I turn 30...or maybe 31.. no.. maybe when I turn 30 (i'll take that year to make the final decision) but when I turn 30, if I have a stable career where I have a good constant income coming in that would allow me financially to go through artificial insemination, and I am not with my Future Husband, I'd totally do it!
It was kind of like a light bulb went off in my head, like I finally got it, like everything was clearer. I am crazy over babies, I can not wait to have babies. I can't wait to experience having something growing inside of me, I can't wait to experience childbirth, I can't wait for it all! Giving and growing life just excites the hell outta me.
This whole time though, I thought that I needed to have a husband in order to take the next step and have a baby. BUT I DON'T!!!!
It really is funny, I've always had this cookie cutter idea of what my life is supposed to be, how its supposed to be played out. Now as I near 30 I am learning that it's okay that my life isn't turning out the way I thought it should. I was struggling with that, but I'm coming to terms with it and I think I'm okay with being independent and doing this whole thing on my own.
While I can't wait to get married and be with my Future Husband, it doesn't all have to happen in a specific order! I was thinking about Marriage the other day (hence one of the ideas for a blog post....) and when I see the customers that I have and I see which ones have rings on their fingers and what not it just seemed so odd to me. Some people I look at and I wonder if they are happy, I wonder if they just settled so that THEY can fit that cookie cutter lifestyle. I wonder if they think about life the way I do. I can't wait to get married and start that kind of lifestyle, but I also know that I can't and will not ever settle. I know that my happiness is the most important thing. That is why I've come to terms with me being single and that I don't mind it that much....sometimes :)
If having a baby on my own is part of my own happiness, I don't need to be married to do it. I am a forever changing, growing human being. I am slowly finding my place in this universe and in my world.
I love how women have become more independent thinkers, workers and breeders.
I thank you science for making artificial insemination possible!
So come on single women lets root root root for the home team and get cracking on living outside of the mold!
<3
Sunday, September 19, 2010
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It's funny. I turned 30 this year and ended a longish relationship, and this question of kids was one I had to wrestle with, too. I'm not at all in a position to have a child right now, so that was out of the question. But it gave me immense relief to decide to have a child on my own when I'm closer to 35. Separating that desire from the desire to find a life partner was one of the best things I've done for my dating life. I think I was getting borderline desperate to find someone, only because it seemed like time was running out. (Although, like you, I wasn't desperate enough to settle. I got married young and divorced two years later, and knowing how painful divorce is has made me extra cautious.) But if I"m 30 now, I'd like a couple of years to build a relationship with someone, marry, and then have a couple of years to enjoy/develop our marriage before becoming parents. But doing the math on that would freak me out.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I'm still a little worried about the math. 30 wasn't the life-changing marker that I thought it would be, though. I still feel young and, in many ways, live a young life. But knowing that I'll have a child, no matter what, in my way, on my terms, has given me such a new perspective on a relationship that I've recently begun building. It's helped me let things progress at their natural pace instead of rushing to clarify and define and commit.
Sorry to hijack your post with the comment- this topic is just one that I've been thinking and writing about a lot on my own.
(Also, not sure if I've commented before. I'm M's friend and have read your blog from the start. You're really funny! If you're at all interested in reading mine, let me know!)
Thanks for the comment Heather!!!!
ReplyDelete<3
You know, after reading your comment I figured that realistically speaking i think 35 would be a better more realistic age for when I'd probably be better off financially to do it :)
But, anyways! There is a sense of freedom there isn't there?!!! It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! It's interesting how little changes like this can make such a difference in many aspects of life :)
I'm excited for you!!! I wish you the best of luck!! and yes, what is your blog!?!?!
<3
Neo