Warning: This post may seem negative and mean towards those with significant others. I love love and I love that you all have love in your lives, so do not take this personally. This is just part of my self-exploration in being a single lady.... but more honestly, it's me venting!
Okay, single ladies, please help me out here, let me know I am not the only single woman out here feeling or even thinking this way.
I have been in serious relationships, casual ones, sex-only ones whatever. I have had confidence in the past in being a single woman. For some reason, after my most recent break-up I just can't shake this helpless feeling off of me. What is going on here?! Throw me a freakin' bone. I don't know if it's me not being over my ex (even though I know he is not 'the one' for me), or my biological clocks' alarm going off beeping beeping beeping incessantly telling me I need to find my 'one' before I get old and shrivel up. I am just having a really tough time over here.
After my break-up there was a short mourning period, which quickly jumped into an "I'M BETTER THAN YOU, I DON'T NEED YOU" period.......then the knowledge of my ex having a girlfriend with my same exact name (different spelling, mine is better of course :)) .... made my world come crashing down and now I'm unwillingly being flooded by memories of him and I and our break-up and I just can't seem to shake the sorrow out of my head.
So, why the WARNING? Well, here's the thing, let me start off by saying that I love my girlfriends, I do, I truly do, and I hope and think that they know that. I just got back from having dinner with them and we had some great conversations. Now, I don't expect convos of their significant others to not come up, it's normal it's what we all talk about... boys boys boys. Just because I'm currently single it doesn't mean that these conversations should stop.
My only struggle with this is, that it sort of is just a freakin' struggle. I want to and can relate to the conversation, but how do I relate to it? By bringing up things from my most recent relationship. It's like adding salt to my wounds. I can't tell my gals to not talk about their significant others, and I also can't just sit there in silence refusing to involve myself in their conversation.
All of my closest friends who I live close by to now, have significant others. They all do. I have one old friend that is single but we aren't so super close. So it just kind of sucks. I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong, but I'm going to be honest and say that I'm just jealous.
I also, ugh.. I don't want to be that girl that can't stop whining about being single, or crying about the ex. I try really hard to not bring it up.. but I do bring it up... and I hate it when I do. It's fuckin' redundant bullshit. So, I know I just need to strap them boots on tight and "man" up. I know I just need to move on and walk away from it all.
Single ladies, out there, I ask you, do you feel the same too? Do you struggle with this too? Maybe you're over your ex, but maybe when you sit around a table with gals that have significant others, you feel it.
I miss that confidence I have knowing that I have someone at home keeping the bed warm for me. I miss that warm beat in my heart that knows I have that kind of love in my life. Maybe I just need to learn that the love I have from family and friends is all I need, and I shouldn't depend or wait on a man to love me.
.... ehh... fuck it... I'm a dreamer, I want that, I love love so much.
Help me out here gals. I just need to get my mojo back and live on that high horse of mine that's sitting somewhere in the corner collecting dust.
<3
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
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Hello :) I found your blog through your thread on 20sb but figured I would comment here instead, and I'm also your newest follower!
ReplyDeleteI am also a single 20 something lady who often blogs about being, well, single. Right now I wouldn't have it any other way. I just got done with school and am trying to get my career started/move away from the town I'm in/focus on myself. I also got my heart broken twice in a row which has pretty much jaded me as far as relationships go.
But, anyways, all of my friends either have significant others or are actively dating. I have the same struggle as you-I can't be with them without having to listen to relationship talk 24/7 and in order for me to participate I have to bring up my ex, who still really hurts to talk about. My friends always want to set me up with their Bf's friends which really gets annoying since most of them are losers, but I hardly get to see my friends any other way since they are always with their boyfriends. I miss having a group of single girlfriends that I can go out and have fun with.
I just keep telling myself that I'm destined for something better and my time will come. Blogging makes me feel better because I've realized that many other women are in the same boat as me.
xo
Rach
http://howfickleiswoman.blogspot.com/
First of all, I love that you have Zero 7 - Pageant of the Bizarre on your blog.
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, single-ness: it's a fun time - all the possibilities are open to you, so many men to date, but it's a challenge when you want to be massaged after a long day at work and you want to talk but all of your friends are busy with other things and you miss that closeness. Those days suck.
Other days are cool though - not having to check in with a damn soul or having my own life without attachments. it's nice. Coming and going as I please.
http://guerrerabella.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeletemy blog if you wanna check it out.