A Valentine Special!

Well, hello hello Valentines Day!

So, I have a choice to be bitter and say "fuck Valentines Day" or I can lie and say "Valentines day is whatever, its a commercial holiday I don't need it." I could lie again and say "Valentines Day is great, spreading the love to everyone out there" whatever, there are a million things I could say. I'm going to go ahead and try and make this post as positive as possible, here's my big challenge of the day!

I do tell people that Valentines day really means nothing and its just a commercial holiday and blah blah blah blah blah, but really deep deep down inside, Valentines Day does rock...only if I have a significant other... it could also be a whatever holiday just passing by too because I wouldn't really need this day to validate my feelings for whoever I'm with. When I'm single, and bitter about it... I'm going to go ahead and be bitter about this day.

Two weeks ago I wrote about this boy I was seeing and how happy I was and how awesome he was/is... he's still super cool.... We spent a wonderful, cold, windy day at the beach yesterday.... then he went home, and then I ended it. Part of me regrets it because I did/do have strong feelings for him.... but here is where I look at myself and realize that I really am making smart adult decisions.

I never would of thought of this decision being an "adult" decision until my friend was telling me how adult of me it was. I was kind of confused by it, but it really was adult of me. I actually put my head before my heart, which is something big for me. If I listened to my heart I would've been like "shut the fuck up head, I'm having an awesome time with this awesome guy" but, my head kept on muttering "but you're not getting what you want out of this girl, yeah you're happy, but happiness can only go so far."

I don't know if I'm making any sense here. The point is, is that it really is important to listen to your head as opposed to your heart. I've listened to my heart so many times and ended up in the exact place my head said I would, in heartache. I'm tired of wasting time hoping for things to change and giving dudes the benefit of the doubt, I'm tired of putting myself second. So, I grabbed my balls and finally put my needs first. I hate it, but I fucking did it. Am I happy about it now? Of course not, especially on this fuckin fucking day.... I'm sure I'll be fine in a couple days, maybe a week or so? I dunno!

Anyways, my co-worker put it best, if it's meant to be it's meant to be... la de da. I have a pretty good feeling that it wasn't meant to be, my spidey senses tell me so.

I don't think I'm doing a good job being positive... so lets really try it.

Good side of all this.... I can be proud of myself for putting myself first!! Woohoo!!! I can be proud of myself for being smart about this!! Woohoo!!! I can be proud of myself for giving this relationshipless relationship thing a shot!! Woohoo!!! I can be proud of myself for just being me! I can be proud of myself for being a single 20somethin in the crazy 21st.... taking on each challenge that's thrown my way! Bring it!!!!!

So, I'm definitely going to go back to deactivating my okcupid account and lay low for a bit... I get too excited too fast. I remember thinking that The Secret worked its magic and brought me this wonderful boy... I did believe it, but the timing wasn't right....I like to dream a little too much.

Note to self: No more dreaming from now on... no more dreaming...no more dreaming...no more dreaming.

For real though, all of you enjoying this day... Happy Valentines Day....and for all of us singletons out there, lets make this day go by fast :)

<3