A year in review...and then some...

I'm hoping this post won't be a repeat of my New Years one, but we're going to give it a try and see what happens.... if I post it, I post it, if not, then there's nothing for you readers (or me) to worry about!

The end of this month marks the end of an incredible life transforming year for me... it's a pretty big deal. I did mention in my New Year's post about moving back to the east coast at the end of feb.. well, really i flew back March 1st... but February was an important month, it was a month that definitely tested my strength. I definitely pulled through with the help of friends and the universe :)

Last February I had big dreams, big goals for this year. At the time the move felt like a huge step back but really it was a giant leap forward. I was done with it all, I was done with struggling, I was done moping and I was done not having something concrete to stand on, my foundation was built on fluffy ideas/dreams that never solidified.

Here were my goals for last year (summed up from a journal entry)... 1.Figure out some sense what the future holds for me 2. Create a stable ground 3. Fix the wiring in my head :)  The move gave me great motivation, I surrendered to the universe and in return it gave back.

Sometimes you have to go through so much shit to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And sometimes, things just click in your head, you just get tired of struggle and you surrender.

ANYWAYS!!! I feel like I keep trying to get to a point but I'm just not getting there.

Part of this journey was to start seeing a Therapist. I'm not one who likes to ask for help or anything, but I knew I needed some guidance. I landed a really awesome chick and she's been amazing! She's been helping me keep on track of doing things for ME.

Part of me got lost somewhere

So, this year I grabbed a hold of me!!!! I basked in the glory of being single, I held my head and fist up and revolted against things that didn't make ME happy.  Yes, I did, I basked in the glory of being single, my goal was to not be with any boys for a whole year!!!!!! I was close, I really was!!!

Last post, and last week I was seriously struggling with this whole Relationshipless Relationship. At some points I felt like I was giving up part of me. I wasn't putting myself first. After many discussions with the bestie she helped me come down to this conclusion. Continue to just go with the flow because right now I'm happy, and isn't being happy what's most important?


Well, I was scared to bring up the whole relationshipless relationship, because I didnt want to put any unnecessary pressure on something that was good. While my biological clock is ticking, and while I struggle to silence it, the main thing is that I be happy right?

I am happy! With so many things in life right now, not just the boy but the boy adds to it. Yes, I wish, I wish him and I lived closer we'd have so much more fun together...sigh... but it is what it is and we make do with what we've got. I want to write about him but I'm not sure if hmmm... here goes... I'll give you the quick rundown I gave my friend a while ago when I first started seeing him (thank you gchat):
 He has a BFA in ceramics (eeeeee!), he's a mechanic (hot), he wears timberlands (hot), he loves to work with his hands (fuckin hot), he loves to bake (yup, hot), he likes to make home made pasta (droool), ummm he's got dreads (eeee!!!), and get this!! he's jewish!!!!!! (not a hot factor, but it sure makes my mom hot!)

Now, I know that these things aren't what define him... obviously. Since spending more time with him and getting to know him more he is definitely my cup of tea :) We are super goofy together, I love that he can be goofy! He is sensitive towards others which is amazing! Remember that post I wrote a while ago with the lists of things I want in a man and things I want in a relationship? Well, the day after I posted that, I met him on Okcupid. Something else that I like too, is that he comes from a good home! The second I walked into his house I felt so much love, so much warmth, it was definitely refreshing! And to top it off, make-out sessions with him are.... indescribable :)

I'm worried I may be too excited about this and I'm worried I may jinx it and I'm worried the possibility of him reading this will freak him out. But guess what... it's my blog and I'll blog if I want to :)

Anyways! I'm touching on so many things in this post!!! I do apologize!!! The point I'm trying to make with this post is that, if there isn't struggle there isn't happiness, satisfaction, growth, positivity, etc.
 I feel that I've grown so much this past year that it definitely has enabled me to be a stronger, sexier, happier, more confident single woman than I have been in years, possibly ever. So, struggling men and women out there, don't you worry! Once you're officially done with the struggle and ready for some change it'll all slowly start to fall into place. I'm definitely not 100% there yet but everyday within a new challenge lies a new change. Cheeesieness just oooozed out of this paragraph... :)

And yes, the 3 goals I created last year are definitely being fulfilled. I do have some sense of what the future holds for me, I have more of a direction now, living my dream! My foundation is coming along beautifully, I can stand strong more days than not :) The wiring in my head is definitely being soldered together the right way! High five for me!!!!!