la la de da

So!!! Crazy how it's only been a week since my last post and I feel like I've done so much and have possibly grown and learned and breathed and enjoyed the things I could do for myself! I dunno if that made any sense.... here's whats been goin on with me!

Sunday Night

After a weekend with a guest/friend I haven't seen in 3 years I had a wonderful dinner with my bestie!! A much needed one :) We talked about our weekend and la de da and I talked about Mr. High School. Because, last weekend there were times anger came over me... anger and sadness. I talked it out with the bestie and I came to the conclusion that I really wanted to be with Mr. High School and I was gonna try to get him back. Now! This is something I've never really done before. This is something new. As I wrote in my post 2 weeks ago I broke up with Mr. High School as I did with Mr. Hands, really wanting them but not getting what I needed,  breaking up with them and ultimately hoping they'd come back. Neither of them did that, which is cool it only helps me get to my future hubby. Anyways! So I've never really chased after a guy.... and I never really thought that after ending things with Mr. High School, that I'd go crawling back to him... I didn't do that with Mr. Hands. In short, I was exploring new terrain and I wasn't sure which way it was going to go and I guess I was okay with that.

I text Mr. High School asking him if he'd be into coming over this week for dinner to talk because I'd really like to make it work. Long story short, the convo was pretty much left with the ball in his court. I told him I didn't want to push him into doing something he didn't want to do and that if he'd wanna hang he can let me know. He really is a good guy... unless I'm completely blind and he's playin me, but from what it seems he's a good guy. I was a bit hopeful but also kinda pretty much knew that I probably wouldn't hear from him... and I was right. I haven't heard from him since, and guess what? I'm okay with it. I really surprise myself sometimes!!!! I was totally torn and heartbroken when I ended it with him because I really didn't want to, I just needed to. Then I went beggin for him, he didn't bite and bam, the end. I think, I guess I'm not feelin' that bad about it because I know I tried, and I told him how I felt and nothing was left unsaid. I feel good about it.

Wednesday

I treated myself to a beautiful bouquet of flowers and cooked myself a delicious dinner.... I freakin romanced myself!

Thursday


I bought me a Kitchenaid mixer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another way of romancing myself!!


Saturday and Sunday


I painted my bedroom brown!!!! Something I've been dying to do because I hated the yellow color it was. This room was a bit of a challenge. I had my heart set on painting the whole room, then a friend suggested I only paint 2 walls I considered it because I got worried it'd be too dark with brown walls!!!! So I freaked sat night and sunday morning but I went back to my original idea of painting the whole room because guess what people... we can always paint it back!!! Anyways, I'm in love with my room!!! I put some awesome lighting and my colorful things just pop out it really is awesome! My brother helped me with the lighting!! Props to him <3


Conclusion

I'm feelin' great! I'm feeling the power of positivity. I'm feeling the enjoyment of romancing myself and doing things for myself and loving the things that I love and allowing myself to enjoy them. A lot of the times I guess I feel like I don't need to or deserve to take the time out to do little or big things for myself. These things matter. In the end you only have yourself you can depend on. 


I was talking with this boy, I've mentioned him several times, he's a friend....ex-lover from long ago...sigh...hehe.. anyways I'll call him Mr. Orange. He asked me if I was making a home for myself and I am. We got to talking about how I'm planning on being in this apartment for another 2-3yrs. I want to make this my home. I've moved around the past couple of years I want a stable place a stable ground a place where I can grow from. This is my home so why not make it me. I just felt empowered by the conversation and I felt a strong sense of confidence in myself. Even though I mentioned that if I meet my future husband and he wants to move someplace else I'd consider it (shit, I know I'd jump on that), aside from that I like that I was okay with the fact that I'd probably be living here by myself for the next 2-3yrs. I guess my path towards singledom acceptance has begun?

I still have my dreams though :) Especially since Mr. Orange and I have been talkin' a lot lately, haha... he's really been an amazing source of support for me this past year and ... well.. yeah, I'll leave it at that. It's really interesting how you can have different relationships with different people. It also necessarily doesn't lessen how you feel about each person in each relationship. We really are people of many faces.