Woooosaaaah?

Alright folks!

Thanks for bearing with me in that last post! What an angry, bitter gal I was! sheesh!! I'm doin' much better... still get angry from time to time but I think with the help of friends I am able to take a step toward living a positive life perhaps?? I seemed so far away from that the other night didn't I? I still get angry once in a while not because I feel I'll be single forever but angry at Mr. High School because really, I feel this all could have been avoided, it's understandable the way things presented themselves, I get it, I just wish he had more faith in me. I'm not judging at all, he just needs to do him ... I wish I could help :)

A couple things... I really truly do want to try and live a more positive life. I feel like I should keep a list by my bedside to remind myself of that. If I want to be romanced it all has to start with me. I have to be okay with the fact that fine, I might have to buy myself flowers for a while and that's okay, buying flowers is something that will bring positivity in my life. I need to write a list of things that make me happy, things that I want to do and try and just go for. Like, I want to go rock climbing, so I looked up indoor rock climbing places, I want to get on that! It's important for me to know what makes me happy before I can expect any one else to.

With that being said, not that I have to learn to be okay with being single, I have to learn to just accept. I need to stop putting the pressure on myself and the universe and just let whatever happen happen. I need to learn to enjoy life whether it be with someone or not. So, I know I might have said this a couple of times before, but I'm going to stop searching high and low for love. I for real need to really really focus on me. I've tried it so many times before but I've always failed at doing so. This time I'm going to really give it  a good, solid 100% effort. And! I can't over think it, because that's when I fuck myself over, I just have to dive right into it. Follow my impulses, if you will.

Anyways, that's where I'm at... I don't know for how long or how short or whatever. But, that's where I'm at. The only person I can rely on to make me happy is me, and I owe myself a whole lotta love. This will be such a hard challenge because it is so easy to get trapped in the black hole. Today, I finally went to the beach with a friend, and we were having a good time. Then, midway I just got angry and I really felt like crying but I, of course, kept it all in. I did get easily agitated at one point. I just got so angry, again with this Mr. High School situation. I really truly like him and was really thinking that the possibility of something serious with him was in the future. Life doesn't always go as you planned or hoped it to be so what's the saying? "When life throws you lemons, make lemonade"?

 So.... let me get a lil table, buy me some cups, a lil tin can for change, a couple pitchers, couple bags of ice and a bunch o' bags o' lemons!!!! Oh! And a couple pounds of sugar.... gotta make the lemonade sweet!