In all seriousness...

Some inspiration if you will.

So, so far this blog has been full of silly posts... I think it'd be good to have a serious one from time to time don't you think?

I guess I felt rushed with the last post but I guess I should learn to take my time with this. While I do want to post something at least once a week, I should really learn that timing is key. In any case, I'm going to write about two things that went on this weekend.

Eat, Pray, Love

I just got back from watching Eat, Pray, Love. While this is probably portrayed as a "chick flick" it really is an inspiring movie that really makes you think. Based on the novel "Eat, Pray, Love" it is a true story of a woman's journey to finding balance in life and in love.

That is the journey I am on. While I joke around about finding my future husband and being completely desperate, I am in all seriousness trying to find that balance within myself. I know that I need that balance, that stability in order to be in a place to welcome real, true love into my life.

These past couple of months I have been on a journey. I was stuck in this weird place, this depression if you will, this stagnation that really didn't allow me to move further to grow further in life. I was stuck in this spot for almost 2 years of my life. I know I'm only 27 and I have my whole life ahead of me and 2 years isn't THAT long, it really is. Every moment, every second should be used to learn something new about the world about life about yourself. I know this may seem cheesy but it really is true. I am not trying to discredit anything that happened the past 2 years because thanks to everything I've been through, everything I've learned, living with and loving the people I was with, I am able to be here. Thank you :)

The woman in this movie, the author of this book took a year off to go to Italy, India, and Indonesia to simply eat, pray and love. Now, I know not all of us can travel far to be able to learn the things she did, I really believe that you can do the same traveling and the same learning right where you're sitting.

I technically did do traveling back and forth between here and California to really get to this place in my life, so maybe I had some travel but I really didn't start learning until I surrendered to this stagnation and decided to change it.

It's like my friend told me long long ago, "you learn nothing when you're comfortable." It is so true. Challenge is the key, fear is the key to learning about yourself and about life.

This may seem unorganized so bear with me.

I'm taking this movie, this story as a form of inspiration. I am going to apply it to my life. Like I said, these past couple of months I have decided to rid this stagnant feeling and I have been doing an awesome job doing so. I am pursuing a career in something that I've had a passion for for at least the past 10 years of my life. Why not jump up, grab it and go?

So in reference to her journey I'm going to start with ,Eat. No, I didn't go to Italy to eat and find my appetite. But I found my appetite here, at home. I eat, and I enjoy what I eat and I take it in. Sure from time to time I fret about the calories and the weight I've gained. Part of my own journey has been to be comfortable in my own skin and I'm really getting there. Today I bought a dress a short dress, an "above the knee" dress. I've always hated my legs, today I decided to embrace them and wear a short fuckin dress. It was completely liberating!

Pray. I have my own issues with "god." I don't like organized religion, I don't like the idea of "god." I like the idea of the UNIVERSE. The universe brought me here and it impacts me just as I impact it. But I still feel like I need to tap into my own spirituality. I expect love to come, but it is true, and I've known this, that I really need to love and embrace myself in order to allow love in my life. I should make my own ritual and practice it every day. Maybe I will take up meditation to have some peace of mind. Maybe I'll write down my wishes and dreams and they can be my own religion. I need to tap into my own religion, into my spirituality and I need to own it.

Love. Love. That fuckin' 4 letter word. What does it mean? What is it? How do you know when you're in love? blah blah blah.. why does it run my world? Why do I give it the power to ruin my world too? Love myself? Love another? Being loved? As I've said before, as I'm sure you have all heard a million times and as I've drilled it in my own head but never practiced it, "You must love yourself before you can truly, wholly, love another." Now, that doesn't mean I haven't loved another because every one that I have and do love, I truly do love! It doesn't negate anything. But maybe I do need to love myself in order to "find my future husband. "

I do love myself, but not fully. I know I have a lot to work on and I am very, very, extremely hard on myself. But I am learning more and more about myself as every day passes. I take these things I learn and I either try to change them, I embrace them, or I celebrate them! We are all a work in progress and we may always be a work in progress till the day we die. But the most important thing to do is to love yourself and embrace yourself.

From time to time I surrender to this need to find my future husband. I give up. And I think it's a wonderful thing to do. Because it is in those times that I can feel more confident in myself and that's when I learn the most about myself.

Anyways, I think you get the gist of this whole Eat, Pray, Love thang and how it got the wheels in my head turning. On to the next thing.

Time

This was briefly mentioned in the movie but I was also talking about it with my friend and her husband yesterday in the pool. It is funny some girls, well the girls I know, how we seem to measure our lives, our own time line, by the men we've been with. In the movie she mentioned how since she was 15 she was either with a boy or dealing with heartache and has never had time to herself. I guess that didn't really mention time per se, but it reminded me of the conversation I had the day before.

Why do we have to measure our lives by the men we've been with, by the infatuations we had in the past. Lately most of my time line has dealt with "the time I was living in CA" or "the time I was living in Philadelphia." I also catch myself talking about memories I've had, or things I've done, or things I learned in time frames of which boyfriend or crush I had.

Why do we have to measure our lives by love? I guess once you're in a long term, serious, relationship that time frame slowly slips away. We all yearn for love, and I guess that is why I have the needs and wants that I have today. The need to be loved, wanting to find my future husband. Hey baby, it takes time.

It takes time. The staple to everyone's dilema. It takes time.

Anyways, I think I am just super rambling on now. I'll be surprised if anyone actually read this far into this entry. I wonder if boys measure their time by the girlfriends they've had. If any boys are reading this, please amuse me.

In any case, I am on a journey. This single 20something gal is on a journey to find balance and end up in love with herself and *hopefully* with someone else.

Take care
<3