Mr. Zohan

So!
haha where do I begin!
oh oh!!

I KNOW!

So, remember how I wrote about how my mom was super adamant about Jdate... finding a jewish husband via online dating sites ...blech blech blech...achem. Back when I lived in CA we made a bet. We bet that if I met someone she won and if I didn't she wasn't allowed to bring up Jdate ever again! So, she paid for the 3 month subscription for me... there was no way I was putting money down for this shit! Anyways, she pays, I write info and upload pics... I got a few bites but this one dude intrigued me... he messaged me and I bit back.

He was 10 yrs older than me... haha I dunno why that was important to mention, but i guess it's important because he was like the first and really only dude I've dated that was older than me. So, guess what he did for a living?!?! He was an actor!!! do do dooo!! I guess you might get where the name for him came from?? haha I'll get there, don't you worry! After messaging and then talking on the phone a few times we decided to set up a date. hahaha I remember kinda being scared cuz I obviously didn't know the guy from nothin and he was older and blah... so i made it that we met up at a public place.. there was some kinda festival going on in santa monica so we met there.

Now, when you meet someone in person, you know what they look like right? okay... just checking... keep that question in mind!

so, the festival was nice, there was a band playing there that i liked which i think was also another reason why I wanted to go... it could've been mason jennings, or ben harper??? anyways i don't remember. It was nice, then we went to a diner after for snacks? I guess.. and he needed to have freshly squeezed OJ, he got that and i think matzo ball soup?? Or was it me that got the soup?? i don't remember.

That date started our 3 month romance. Next date he took me to griffith observatory and thats where we had our first kiss...awwwwwww.... and then our second one I wrote about I think... that was a fuckin hot ass make-out session!! mm mm mm! He took me out to great places to eat and he even introduced me to Bikram Yoga (love the shit out of that workout!!! :) I thank him for that.)! Oh and he was a big big meditator, every mornin he'd meditate.

Let me explain something, he was/is a very health conscious dude. He went to Bikram, he played basketball with his friends, he ate super healthy. We would make these salads together that consisted of cucumbers, tomatoes, carrots?, chickpeas, another type of beans, and something else and a delicious dressing. hahaha can I be frank here...now,  I'm a nervous farter... i.e. i don't like to fart in public i.e. i gotta be super fuckin comfy in front of u if im gonna fart in front of u...  im giggly just writing this.. but i think its totally important to be able to fart in front of the one you love! haha but not the one you're dating for 3 months!!! I swear to fuckin god! every time, hands down, every time i slept over that boys place I'd wake up in my sleep to me farting hahahahahaha! hahahaha! omg! worse thing ever! On top of that he wasnt big on bodily functions either! He would go in the bathroom to fart. Just cuz I'm not a comfortable farter, I'm totally cool with others being comfortable about it.
AND!
AND!
AND!
He even told me how these friends of his, they're married, they had at that time i think a 5 yr old son and even that couple never farted in front of each other because they "didn't want to ruin the attraction they had for one another." mmhmm insanity isnt it! IN-FUCKIN-SANITY! I wonder where the dude was when his wife gave birth, lets hope she didnt shit during the whole process, shit!

Sigh, so so sad.

So... i met some of his other actor friends and their beautiful bombshell girl friends. I mean him and I had fun we could joke around and had fun acting like thugs and hicks and la de da. During this time too he was working on the set of You Don't Mess with the Zohan... he had a 5 min scene in it... I'm not gonna say which scene. At one point he was gonna let me read the script but I wasn't interested.

How did this end? Well, he called me up one day, and I don't remember if I could tell it was going downhill by then or not, but he broke up with me, by telling me, in short, that it's because he wasn't attracted to me, I wasn't tall and skinny. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU THESE PAST 3 MONTHS!?

I now remember him saying something about how he was trying to get me into active things and I wasn't for it or something? wtf? I loved Bikram and I went everytime he asked and I even went on my own without him..... let me grow a cock so u can suck it son! That's how I felt... now there are no hard feelings I laugh at it all.

So, it ended..... then before I moved back east him and I met up... and funny thing is after he broke up with me I of course felt like the worlds biggest fat ass ever... even though I wasn't in bad shape!!! I joined a gym after he broke up with me and I worked out religiously and I got super hot! So, I was excited to show off my bod, so I sorta did but not really, but of course it didn't matter at that point....

He's a really interesting guy, I'm not trying to bash him, we obviously had different life styles and life philosophies, but he was a very smart interesting guy. We sorta keep in touch through fb a "like" here and there, nothin more. I definitely do not regret my relationship with him. I learned a lot and he introduced me to some awesome things so I def appreciate the time I had with him... but yeah, we are def on 2 different planets. And, now looking back, I respect him for ending it, i mean he was smart to do it, but he could've done it on different terms... but I totally get where he was coming from, and what he was doing... it's kinda the philosophy I've been living.... date a person for 3 months and if u feel it u feel it, if u dont u end it.

My only regret is that i didn't tell him off for being a dick about the reason why he broke up with me :) hahaha

oh! and! well... my mother still continued to bother my ass about JDate bs until actually this year!!! So wow! that was .... 4 yrs ago! damn!! I mean we both won I think..... either way it took her 3-4 yrs to leave me alone about it!!!!

<3